Bent
by Follow-ur-Shadow
Summary: Louis is preparing for impending fatherhood, Donna finds herself quite taken with a client and Harvey gets into trouble when he misplaces his loyalties during the handover of a prestigious design business. Will he be able to cope with all the changes happening and keep the people he cares about safe when a revenge plot spirals out of control? (Slow burn Darvey)
1. Chapter 1: Bent

**Bent**

 **Category:** Drama/Action/Romance

 **Summary:** Louis is preparing for impending fatherhood, Donna finds herself quite taken with a client and Harvey gets into trouble when he misplaces his loyalties during the handover of a prestigious design business. Will he be able to cope with all the changes happening and keep the people he cares about safe when a revenge plot spirals out of control? (Slow burn Darvey)

 **AN:** This is a monster story for me! I've outlined 17 chapters and am going to try and post them with no less than 2,000 words each. Something to keep me going until Suits comes back on the air :P I started playing with this idea before Thomas Kessler came up in spoilers. Originally I had Donna dating a doctor but I wanted to re-work it to be more inline with an AU 8B. It's set about six months in the future-ish. The timeline might ne a bit skew-whiff but I'm taking some liberties. Any way, I'll stop rambling! Happy reading :)

* * *

 _If I need some other love, give me more than I can stand and when my smile gets old and faded, wait around I'll smile again._

 ** _\- Bent, Matchbox 20_**

* * *

Donna Paulsen, COO of Zane Specter Wheeler Williams, let's her gaze wash over the partner's names on the wall as she steps out of the elevator with two coffees in hand.

In the six months since Louis' promotion the firm has grown into a well oiled machine. There have been hiccups along the way, a few power struggles that were to be expected, but she was right about him taking over. His changing priorities and new lease on life have afforded them all a sense of balance and her lips curve as she closes in on Harvey's office.

The first thing she notices is his sharp Tom Ford suit, the blue silk lines contrasting against the overcast city of Manhattan behind him and she breezes in meeting his gaze with a warm smile. "The Carter's are down in reception, I thought you could use this."

The coffee lands on his desk prompting a wave of gratitude to roll through him as he reaches for the cup. "You have no idea." The sentiment stalls on his lips as he takes a sip letting the caffeine sink in. He's been in the office since seven working on a contracts for H. B. Carter Design's. He's known the founder, Henry Carter, for over thirty years and although the family handover seems straight forward he can't shake the niggling feeling that something is off. Not once since he took on Henry as a client has there ever been a mention of his son, Drake, showing any interest in the business but he's hoping their upcoming meeting will put his doubts about signing over the company to rest.

"We still on for later?" He asks, replacing the cup with a handful of the papers scattered across his desk. Time permitting, they'd agreed to go baby-shopping for Louis' shower and her silence throws him, until he lifts his head catching the amusement brimming in her gaze. " _Yes_ , I remembered-" he shoots back, "that doesn't mean I'm excited to be going."

"You sure?" She grins behind the lid of her coffee. "Usually I have to stamp this kind of thing on your forehead."

It's only a partially fair statement and he leans back with a raised eyebrow. Usually he wouldn't go at all but the last gift they 'co-bought' had nearly sent him into bankruptcy. "I'm just trying to avoid a repeat of Mike and Rachael's wedding." An air of humour paints his smirk as he watches her flounce.

"That was a one-of-a-kind dining room set made from dark treated oak-wood." She defends, the luxurious purchase worth every penny. Maybe, just _maybe_ , she'd gone a little over the top but if she'd left it to Mike and Rachael they would have been eating off boxes on the floor for the first six months. "They were moving into a new house," she justifies again, biting the inside of her cheek to hider her amusement.

"Which you practically furnished for them." He counters, secretly enjoying the banter. Despite his ribbing the money was never an issue. At the time he'd just been grateful they were speaking again and he laments happily that those days are behind them now. Things have evolved naturally back into a comfortable and friendly relationship. They do lunches and dinners, spend time together outside of work and he even gave her Bikram yoga a try last week.

Something he's _never_ doing again.

But it all leads to the fact they've found their feet and he's drawn to the mischievous glint in her eyes, the look that says she's going to win this one no matter how many times he objects.

"You did say spare no expense." She argues teasingly, returning the warmth in his gaze with a soft smile.

It settles the debate, and the air around them, causing her cheeks to flush at the quiet stillness. She can't quite read what he's thinking and is about to ask when his assistant knocks behind her the sound immediately drawing both their attention.

"Mr Specter, the Carter's are waiting in the boardroom for you."

Harvey nods, his expression returning to a more serious nature as he stands with the stack of contracts. "Thank you Cameron," he dismisses the kid, picking up his coffee and isn't surprised when Donna intercepts him placing her drink down and lifting her hand to straighten his tie.

The gesture relaxes him and he breathes out slowly, thanking her with a nod. "I'll come find you once we're finished."

She folds her coffee back into her arms stepping aside so he can take the lead. "Go get 'em pretty."

...

When he arrives in the boardroom his gaze washes over the three occupants, landing on the newest addition to the board of H. B. Carter Designs.

"You must be Drake." He extends his hand, raking over the minute details catching his eye; sharp suit, expensive watch, solid posture and a charming smile to seal the package. An entrepreneur by definition but he's still wary as the man takes a seat between his father and the company's executive director, Barnaby Joice.

"Relax Harvey." Henry Carter leans back in his chair, the wrinkles around his eyes creasing as he smiles warmly. "I know this isn't what we initially discussed but in the last six months Drake has become an asset to the company. I can retire in peace knowing the legacy is going to be passed down."

"Retire?" Harvey's brows shoot up, his shoulders straightening as he reviews the file in his hand. There's no way in hell he would have missed such an integral part of the proceedings and tosses the folder down in confusion. "You agreed to remain as acting CEO for a probation period."

There's a beat before the the older man grimaces sheepishly. "Ah, yes... I may have left out that tiny detail."

Harvey feels the line of his jaw go slack and turns his body every so slightly in an attempt to shield his concerns. " _Henry_... I really think we should-"

"Now, don't go getting yourself worked up." The Chairman interrupts waving his finger at the sceptical tone. They've been working together for nearly as long as the company has been making lucrative profit, and while he appreciates the candor, the subject isn't up for debate. He's retiring safe in the knowledge that the business will continue to turn as it has been for the last twenty-five years. "I assure you Harvey, the probation isn't necessary. Barnaby will remain on to ensure any overall decisions reflect the company brand. It's a family run business and it's going to stay that way."

"We tried to talk him round," Barnaby interjects with a wry smirk, "you know how stubborn the old coot can be."

Harvey stiffens at the comment but the only apprehension in the room is his own and he reluctantly pushes it aside to take his seat at the head of the table. It certainly isn't the negotiation he was expecting but he doesn't have any choice and swallows his concerns in order to start the proceedings.

Unfortunately they doesn't stay buried for long, rearing to the surface at almost every junction.

Places he would expect to see a rise from Drake, for good reason if the man had any business sense, don't stir even a hint of interest and Harvey finds it hard to believe the man would give up thirty-seven percent of his bonus to ensure a safety-net for unplanned redundancies. It's something he would expect from Henry not the man sat opposite him wearing a a ridiculously priced Patek Philippe watch.

Still he keeps the opinion to himself as they continue unanimously approving the clauses.

It leads the meeting to wrap up far earlier than expected and Harvey tries to keep his movement fluid as he pushes up from the table with a curt nod. "Thank you gentlemen. I'll get this typed up, looked over and back to you by the end of the week."

"Always a pleasure Harvey." Henry extends his hand, the smile on his face lifting with gratitude. He owes the lawyer much more than just the success of his business and he's eternally grateful for the loyalty he's been shown throughout the years. "You know your father would be incredibly proud of you. Just like I am of Drake." He adds the last past hoping to smooth over any residing tension.

To Harvey's credit he manages to let the comment slide forcing his lips to curve in response. "I appreciate that Henry. You take care and I'll give you a call Wednesday."

He isn't sure why but he holds his breath until the three men clear from his sight. The fact everything ran without question is a clear warning sign and when Donna intercepts him on the way out, asking how it all went, he shrugs her off with a reserved sigh. "They agreed to every term, all I have to do is draw up the papers."

The result is almost unheard of she raises an eyebrow as she walks along side him. "Just like that?"

"Just like that."

The response is blunt, accompanied by a familiar twitch in his jaw and she keeps pace as he strides along the strip of carpet down the hall. "Harvey, I know that face. What happened?"

Her tone is inarguable but he dismisses it dropping a folder on Cameron's desk and addressing his secretary instead. "Have one of the associates downstairs look this over. I want it back on my desk by Wednesday." He doesn't wait for a response kicking his feet through to his office so he can grab his phone and wallet.

Donna stops in front of him readjusting the purse on her arm.

If he thinks they're going anywhere, let alone shopping, he has another thing coming.

The stance remains firm and he knows she isn't going to budge, not without an explanation and he leans back against the edge of his desk with a sigh. If there's anyone he can count on for honest no bullshit advice it's Donna and he concedes lifting his gaze thoughtfully. "I've been Henry's lawyer for over ten years and he's never once mentioned retiring early or letting his son take over the business."

She can't argue it isn't a fair point but under normal circumstances the situation wouldn't be bothering him this much. The difference is that this time it's personal. Henry Carter is a family friend and she moves to stand beside him deliberately keeping her tone objective. "Did Drake seem genuine?"

"Try disinterested." He reflects tiredly scrubbing a hand over his face. "I don't know, there's just something about him."

"Good looking, charismatic, egocentric, _arrogant?_ " She suggests leading him with the ghost of a smirk. His loyalty has always been a commendable part of his character but sometimes it blinds him to things. Like judging someone for being too similar to his own personality.

"So you were listening in." He accuses not in the least surprised.

"Who says I'm talking about Drake." She makes her point, relieved when he huffs out something that could almost pass as amusement. It paves way for a more serious insert and she flicks her wrist brushing her fingers along the inside of his elbow. "I know you're worried about Henry and that's understandable but Harvey-" she pauses waiting for his full attention, "this is his decision. He wouldn't be making it if he didn't have his reasons."

Something catches in her voice and he reads into the sympathetic change in her expression. The shift is only slight but it's there and he narrows his gaze suspiciously. "You know something don't you?"

She nods unashamed by the fact. Her intention was never to keep information from him just to wait until the right time to share it. "I made a few calls. Henry had a minor heart attack few months ago. There were no serious complications and he kept it out of the news but if I had to guess I'd say it's one of the reasons he wants to hand over the company."

His mouth goes dry and he swallows the shock absorbing and taking it in his stride. It gives the situation more context and if those are the reasons he's glad the man is taking the time out he needs, he just wishes there was an option besides Drake Carter. Someone more in line with the previous predecessor Barnaby Joice. Middle aged, solid business skills and an aptitude for investing money. Barnaby would have been the perfect fit and he fully intends to do his own investigation into Drake once the dust has settled.

"You know what always makes me feel better?" She drops her hand nudging him gently, "shopping for baby gifts."

He smiles in spite of himself. He's actually looking forward to the break, a chance to get out of his own head, and rolls off the desk feigning a serous look. "Just so long as whatever we get doesn't have clowns."

"Agreed." She straightens on her heels and follows behind him giving Cameron a wink as they pass by. Regardless of his filing system the kid has found his place in the firm and she walks beside Harvey with a relaxed smile as they make their way down to Ray who's waiting outside.

Harvey opens the door for her and she graciously climbs inside securing her belt while he moves around to slide in next to her. Once he's issued their directions they merge out into the busy street making their way to Saks Fifth Avenue.

...

There's a chill on the air when they arrive, the sky still overcast from earlier, and she rubs her hands together as they enter into the warm store. To her surprise Harvey navigates the various departments with ease leading them to a range of display cases filled with christening gifts. The first thing that catches her eye is a ballerina rabbit wearing a pale pink skirt and she just knows her best friend in Seattle would love the gift. "You think we'll be doing this for Mike and Rach soon?"

He smirks at the thought of Mike, the kid he met running from the police, all grown up and starting a family of his own. It's still hard to believe but he couldn't be more proud of the man he's come to call his best friend. "I hope not. I'm still paying off their wedding gift."

She rolls her eyes ready to admonish him when they're suddenly interrupted by a perky blonde sales assistant.

"Hi welcome to Saks." The women greets enthusiastically, bouncing on her nine inch stiletto heels. "Is there something I can help you with today?"

Instinct lifts the corners of Harvey's mouth and his expression relaxes at her overt cheeriness. There was a time she would have been every bit his type but his tastes have tempered over the years and he brushes her off with a polite smile. "That's very kind of you-" he checks the name on her badge, " _Sandy_... but we're just browsing, thanks."

"For yourselves or?"

"Friends." He confirms smoothly, earning an amused look from Donna. Sometimes he toys with the notion that she's more his type than any sales assistant, waitress or model he's had eyes for in the past but it's dangerous territory and he tries not to wince when Sandy grins broadly, indifferent to the private thought.

"Well if you change your mind I'll be just over there."

He smiles back, a breezy expression covering his discomfort. "If I change my mind you'll be the first to know."

She scoots by with a friendly brush of his arm and Donna shakes her head at the interaction. "Do you have to flirt with everyone?"

He feigns ignorance with a quick shrug of his shoulders. "What? I was being nice."

"Uh-huh, yeah sure... oh _wait-_ " she raises her hand with a teasing smirk, "you've just got a little bit of drool-"

"Okay, very funny." He swats her away with a low chuckle, "can I help it if I'm naturally good looking and charismatic?"

"You forgot egocentric and arrogant."

She throws it back with a grin shifting her attention to the gifts on display and he smiles, his gaze drawing towards a silver moneybox in the shape of a baseball. The stitching has been intricately engraved and he picks it up running his thumb over the detail. It's the kind of present his father would have given and he returns it to the shelf with a whimsical sigh. "Maybe that's not my style any more."

"Don't even try to convince me your days as a bachelor are over?" The banter is filled with amusement and she's surprised when it doesn't halt his perusal. Instead he picks up a soft furry bear to inspect and she stops along side him.

He squeezes it dismayed when it doesn't make any sort of noise and he doesn't know if it's the setting or the echo of his father following him but for once he wears the vulnerability instead of squashing it down. "It's something I have been thinking about recently." He risks glancing up. There's no judgment in her gaze, only curiosity, and a light smile touch his lips in response. "What about you?"

She's genuinely confused now and inclines her head towards him. "What about me?"

"You ever think about doing this for yourself one day?" He puts the bear down wondering if it's too forward a question but he doesn't take it back. It's what they should have been doing from the beginning, asking the difficult things and telling hard truths. It's what's brought them closer together recently and he watches her reach for the toy splaying her fingers over the brown fur.

An air of discomfort rises in her chest as she handles the animal. Of course she's thought about having kids but a committed relationship has never seem to stick. She's always been too busy with her career or _other_ distractions... but maybe he's right, maybe it is time to start reassessing her priorities. "Ask me again after my date tonight." She places the bear back with a lopsided smile turning and missing the look of surprise that flashes across his face.

"Anyone I know?" He asks casually, trailing behind her into an isle with more robust toys for children to play with. There's a rocking horse at the end that catches her eye and he almost thinks she's forgotten the question, or is avoiding it, until she throws out a name he does know.

"Thomas Kessler." She answers crouching at the wooden structure. It would be a few years before he or she could ride it but the carvings are beautiful and she glances over her shoulder looking for Harvey's approval. "What do you think?"

"As in Louis' Kessler?" There's no doubt they're talking about the same person. The name isn't exactly common and he stumbles over the piece of information. The wealthy CEO is one of Louis' long time clients and he wants to be supportive but in his vast experience it's never a good idea mixing business and pleasure. "I think... I mean, I'm sure you know what you're doing."

"I meant about the rocking horse."

"Right." He clears the embarrassment from his throat with a cough dragging his attention to the antique design. He can remember someone in his family having one just like it when he was a child and shrugs at the idea. "What kid doesn't like climbing on things?"

It's not the enthusiastic response she was looking for but it's probably the best she's going to get. Which isn't really a surprise given she picked out most of the gifts for his brother's kids when she was his secretary. The fact settles the debate in her mind and she pushes up going back to his uncertainty over her date. She's had her own doubts surrounding the situation and nervously bites down on her lip. "You think going out with Thomas is a bad idea?"

He hesitates for the briefest of seconds then quickly swallows the reaction shaking his head. No matter how far their friendship has come it's not his place to get involved in her romantic relationships and he suggests an amicable peace offering. "You should leave early, get Ray to give you a ride home."

She smiles feeling a wave of relief at the gesture. "Thanks Harvey." Having his support means a lot and she touches his arm briefly, showing her gratitude before leaving the isle to find Sandy.

He watches her go, staying put and glancing at the horse. He can't quite shake the feeling of unease that's settled but puts it down to being entirely out of his element. He still has a lot of issues to work through before he can entertain starting a family of his own but he wants to try and lifts his head to where Donna is chatting with the blonde sales assistant.

Deep down he wants a lot of things.

He just has to work out where they all fit in the grande scheme of things.


	2. Chapter 2: Real World

_Please don't change, please don't break._ _The only thing that seems to work at all is you._  
 _Please don't change at all from me to you and you to me._

 **\- Matchbox 20, Real World**

* * *

Thomas Kessler tugs on his lapels frisked by the air as he stands waiting outside Del Posto. It's not cold but noticeably cooler denoting a soon to be change in the seasons and he shrugs his hands into his pockets with a short sigh. He's always hated the transition from Fall to Winter. It's dreary and the months seem to crawl along more slowly until the bustle and excitement of Christmas sweeps in but he relaxes slightly, deciding there's still time to appreciate the milder nights as Donna Paulsen exits a cab in front of him.

Her dress is unburdened by layers, paired with a simple over the shoulder blazer and he smiles broadly as she approaches him.

"Good to see you again Donna," he greets, fingers grazing her elbow as he leans in to place a kiss against her cheek. She's the perfect embodiment of the season, her hair matching the red and golden leaves gracing the street and he's a little nervous when he pulls back. "You look stunning."

"Thank you." She doesn't blush at the compliment because that would be cliche but she does smile warmly as her gaze washes over him. He's a handsome man especially when dressed in a suit but she resolved not to be swayed by his good looks. At the end of the day he's still Louis' client and the notion breathes an air of caution urging her to keep a polite distance between them.

It's only a subtle move but he picks up on it, his lips quirking curiously. "Everything okay?"

She debates whether or not to raise her concerns because despite her reservations she does feel at ease in his company. They've been working closely now for the better part of three months but this is their first actual date and the last time she got involved in a work related relationship it didn't exactly end well. Still, with all the drama it caused, Stephen Huntley has set the bar pretty low and based on the assumption Thomas _isn't_ a murderer she decides to a risk and be honest with him. "I just want to make sure we're both on the same page. Louis is a very close friend of mind and given you're his client..."

The sentence hangs briefly and he intercepts it trying to smooth over her doubts. "Donna, my interest in you is purely personal. It has nothing to do with my business at the firm if that's what you're worried about."

It is, sort of. There's also the problematic fact that if something went wrong Louis would be forced to take sides and she's one hundred percent certain he would choose team Donna, though she doesn't directly admit it. "I'm just concerned it could have an impact."

"Like if I offend you horribly and Louis refuses to ever speak to me again?"

"Or I'm offensive and you decide to pull your business form the firm." She evens the playing field causing an easy smile to flash across his lips.

"Look, I'm not saying these are ideal circumstances-" he admits freely, actually enjoying the candor. It's rare to meet someone who, like himself, prefers to be open and upfront from the start and it reminds him again why he's so hooked on the potentially bad idea. "Why don't we make a deal?" He suggests, putting forward a quick and simple solution, "Carte Blanche. If things start to go south tonight and someone wants out we do it, not questions asked."

She likes the twist. No excuses or emergency phone calls just an easy to follow escape plan and she extends her hand with a smile, "you have yourself a deal."

They shake on it and she feels instantly more relaxed. All that's left to do is actually go on the date and she releases him motioning towards the door of the restaurant. "Shall we?"

"No." He decides, taking in her perplexed look with a grin.

She's admittedly intrigued by the mysterious glint in his eyes and echoes the answer back to him. " _No_?"

"Why don't we do something a little different?" He suggests, relying on instinct and going out on a limb. The idea of a fancy dinner suddenly seems stale and formal. He wants to get to know her properly, the real Donna Paulsen, and he raises an eyebrow daring her to accept the challenge. "What do you say, trust me?"

There's something about his smirk that draws her in and for a brief second it reminds her of Harvey, the resemblance catching her off guard. Quick to dismiss the similarity she tilts her head agreeing to the spontaneity. "We're about to find out."

His answering grin is endearing and she links with his arm blinding following his direction. Some would consider it a risk but he genuinely seems like one of the good guys and after the mess with Stephen she needs to learn to start trusting herself again.

Fortunately, tonight her intuition seems to be on point.

The Jazz Bowling club is an interesting choice to say the least. She's never seen anything like it before and she knows _everywhere_ in Manhattan, her curiosity peaking at the intimate but electric feel. Mellow tunes lead the way to a dimly lit bowling alley with only a few lanes and a large emphasis on the red velvet and polished wood sofas. It has the potential to come across as seedy but doesn't. Instead it has an exclusive vibe with the majority of high class patrons choosing the bar.

They don't, heading straight for the lanes, and a surprisingly fun competitive streak rears itself as they set up to play enjoying a casual relaxed conversation. Midway through she learns the reason is because he has brothers which meant a lot of competing at sports growing up. Her excuse is just the natural born desire to be awesome.

"It's a Donna thing." She insists, picking up her ball from the conveyor belt. She chose red because it's a commonly known fact red things go faster and she takes three steps up to the line letting it go with a slight spin. It ends up taking out six pins and she grins making her way back to him. "See."

He'll admit he's impressed but keeps it to himself as he trades places with her. "Why don't I show you how it's done?"

"Because then we'd be here all night." She teases, enjoying the view as he lines himself up and she can't help but admire his strong stature. Though she isn't just taken with his good looks. Sure he's classically handsome, tall with a chiseled jaw and immaculate hair. What women wouldn't swoon over him? But it's more than that. He's light hearted, doesn't take himself too seriously and she already knows the names of his family members. He isn't afraid to be open and she likes that but it does make her start to wonder why he's still single and when he matches her six pins her lips pull into a goading smile. " _So_ ," she prompts, putting off her turn to quiz him, "you have a good job, solid family, you don't like clowns which makes you seem like a well rounded probably not crazy individual-"

"Why aren't I married with six kids?" He anticipates the question and let's out a low laugh. He almost was, once, but it was more for the sake of expectation rather than actually being in love. "To be honest my career has always been my first priority. I date but at the end of day no one likes to put up with the long hours and I've never had a connection that was worth making the sacrifice for."

It's a good answer, one she can relate to but it also comes with a sense of foreboding. "Then this would be...?"

"Surprising." He admits, his lips curving at her intrigued expression. He has fun, he's only human after all, but opening up to her all night has been entirely effortless. There's just something about her that makes him feel comfortable, excited, nervous and charged all at once. "What about you? Any crazy I should know about?"

It feels like a possible misdirect but she goes along with it anyway, tapping a finger to her lips, "I do sometimes refer to myself in the third person."

" _Ah_ -" he points with mock trepidation, "classic sign of a serial killer."

"Deal breaker?" She asks feigning innocence.

"Thomas doesn't think so." The response causes her to to laugh and the sound washes over him. Maybe it's the one or two cocktails he's consumed but if it was his sole purpose to keep her smiling like that, he'd be one hell of a lucky man. "So we know why I'm single," he urges cheekily, "how about you?"

It's feels more personal when its being directed at her but she asked him first so it's only fair she tries to give him an honest answer. "Same as you I..." she hesitates for a beat, "I might have some _small_ commitment issues but aside from that I'm pretty much perfect." She throws him a wry smile, shying away from giving too much detail. It's not like she hasn't tried to make relationships work but like him there's never been anyone -who reciprocated her feelings- that she felt she could be with long-term. Mitchell had been her last attempt and when he'd asked her to move in she simply hadn't been able to imagine a future with him. "Guess I'm still waiting for the right person to come along."

He nods at the whimsical note laying his cards flat on the table, hoping it will reassure her. "Donna, I wouldn't have asked you out if I wasn't interested in having a relationship," he shares seriously, "but I'm also comfortable being on my own so no pressure. I'm just happy to relax and see where this goes."

She smiles, feeling a wash of relief. The fact they're both on the same page is exactly what she needed to hear and her mouth quirks, reassured by their mutual agreement. "Are you happy for me to keep kicking your butt?"

"I'm happy for you to try."

His answering grin proves to be fortuitous because even though she manages to hold her own he comes in at the last set with a full strike winning the game. She tries to appear humble, offering her hand in a show of good sportsmanship but when he reaches out to take it she pulls back with a sharp tug. "You do realise you're supposed to let the girl win right?"

"Something tells me that would have gotten me into even more trouble." He gleams accepting her palm with a gentlemanly shake. "You also had a slight disadvantage. I've never seen anyone walk in shoes like those before let alone bowl in them."

"Clearly you've never seen fashion at it's finest." She smirks grateful for the attention to detail and that the club had carpeted the area making it appropriate for all footwear. Though had she conceded and removed her stilettos she's sure she would have definitely wiped the floor with him.

He can see the retort forming and keeping a hold of her hand he steps in a little closer heading it off. "I have a suspicion you could wear anything and look like you've just stepped off a runaway."

Her neck flushes at the compliment but rather than give him the satisfaction she berates him with an eye-roll. "Please, _really_?"

"Too cheesy?"

"Only a lot."

He laughs at the candor and risks grasping her other hand with a gentle swing. "So asking you to dance is out of the question then?"

"Definitely." She nods despite the smile curving her lips. Usually she wouldn't shy away from drawing attention but it's exactly a 'club' scene and she's about to suggest another time when he beats her to it.

"How about this Friday night instead?" He asks pushing down his nerves with a casual shrug, "and I promise if there are any games I'll let you win."

It's a good incentive and she thinks about making a joke, pretending to check her schedule or something similar but his light touch deters it. She's actually excited and her cheeks warm under his gaze. "I'd like that."

He exhales the breath he'd been holding with a pleased nod. "In that case, how would you feel about a nightcap?"

It's incredibly temping but she wants to savour some of the magic, take things slowly and she politely declines the offer. "As much fun as I'm having-"

"You'd like me to drop you home?" He guesses, not at all offended. It is closing in on midnight and he releases her hands guiding his own to the small of her back. "After you."

She smiles in response, leading him through the narrow turns and up the stairs to the exit. It's still mild outside but she stays close to his warmth as he steps onto the curb to hail a cab. One stops at his clear concise whistle and he pulls the door open with a chivalrous grin. "Your chariot awaits."

She drops a fake curtsy causing him to laugh but before she climbs in she stops, her hand brushing the fabric of his lapel. "I had a really nice time tonight. Thank you Thomas."

He swallows at the contact feeling the burn of her touch through his jacket but he forces himself to show restraint as he leans in casually. "Is it too cheesy to say the pleasure was all mine."

"I'll let you have it." Her eyes are bright as she smiles, "one time only deal."

He doesn't have a response because he's too focused on the curve of her lips and with a quick flick of his wrist he brushes the hair back from her face pausing for a beat. He doesn't want to rush her but when she doesn't pull away and he takes the cue capturing her lips in a soft kiss. It's gentle and sweet, without expectation, and her fingers close around the edge of his jacket pulling him the tiniest bit closer.

It's a perfect end to the night and when they part she thanks him again, climbing into the cab with a wave. Rachael is going to lose it when she hears all the details and she pulls out her phone unable to wait until the morning.

 _ **Best. Date. Ever**_.

She sends the text knowing if her friend is still up she'll be getting a call almost immediately. When it rings a second later she isn't disappointed and answers with a wide smile on her lips.

Thomas Kessler, maybe not such as bad idea after all.


	3. Chapter 3: Unwell

_All day staring at the ceiling making friends with shadows on my wall._  
 _All night hearing voices telling me that I should get some sleep because tomorrow might be good for something._

 **\- Matchbox 20, Unwell.**

* * *

A frown wrinkles Harvey's face as he goes over the document in his hand. It's late and he can't make sense of it anymore but the niggling in his head won't allow him to abandon the task. There has to be something he's missing, a way to find out Drake Carter's true intentions, but the words continue to blur together and he's almost relieved when a sharp knock at the door steals his attention.

He has an inkling he knows who it is. There's only one person who would call so late and he isn't surprised to see Donna outside holding a paper bag with food. "I don't remember ordering anything?" He quips leaning tiredly against the frame with an air of heaviness.

She instantly feels bad for him or more accurately 'almost' feels sorry as her gaze washes over him. "I suppose you don't remember snipping at everyone who stepped into your office today either?"

He inwardly winces not only recalling but regretting his earlier mood. Between the Carter's and his current case load he let stress get the better of him but he's no more inclined to apologise for it now than he was then. All he wants to do is put the day behind him and start again fresh tomorrow. " _Donna._ "

"Relax, I'm not here to lecture you." She breathes out slowly, her expression easing as she motions inside. "I came to help."

He nods silently, opening the door wider in invitation and closes it behind her as she steps around him. Truthfully he could use another set of eyes and he pads behind her to the kitchen his stomach growling when she deposits the food on the counter. He can't remember the last time he ate and even the shitty Thai being served up looks appetising.

"I'm guessing this has to do with Drake Carter."

Her assumption fills the small space and his gruff acknowledgement confirms the fact. "What gave it away?"

She hovers with two plates raising an eyebrow. "A scared associate I found hiding in the bathroom." She isn't here to judge but she's spent over a decade acting on his behalf, protecting him from himself, and she isn't about to stop just because she's no longer his secretary.

He picks up on the hint of disapproval and thinks back to the handful of associates he asked to run research. There was one in particular, a brunette, who kept getting under his skin and he shakes off the accusation with indifference. "Tracey?"

" _Taylor_." She resumes dispersing the food, piling it onto thier plates and shaking her head, "first you need to learn their names and then you need to stop looking for another Mike. They're there to help you Harvey but they won't if you keep exploding at them for no reason."

He knows it's a valid point but that doesn't stop an exasperated sigh pushing from his lips. "I thought this wasn't going to be a lecture?" Her gaze lifts from the noodles fixing him with a glare and he finally concedes with a vague attempt at an apology. "Okay, I know... you're right." She doesn't argue and he stretches his palms out leaning defeated against the counter. " _Jesus_ , I'm turning into Louis aren't I?"

A smirk tugs her lips as she slides over his dinner. "I wouldn't go quite that far, _yet_." The tone in the room lightens as she stacks the empty containers motioning for him to take a seat at the breakfast bar. He does, unwrapping a pair of chopsticks as she steals the seat beside him. "I know this is getting to you... which is why I did some digging."

The comment immediately piques his interest. She's Donna. She wouldn't be here if she hadn't found something out and he's reminded again how lucky he is to have her on his side. "What you got?"

"Nothing solid," she admits digging through her Thai, "but Drake Carter went to university with a Ryan Ashford, son of Peter Ashford."

"Peter Ashford, why do I know that name?" He asks, wracking his brain to recall the relevance. There's something there he just can't grasp it, not until she continues with the explanation.

"Five years ago Ashford Architecture and Design were a client of Bratton who had to let them go due to a major embezzlement scheme." She waits for him to catch up watching the recognition dawn on his features.

"I remember." He nods as it floods back to him. It was a massive scandal all over the news. They'd advertised building cheap modern apartments run on solar power to cut the cost but there had been a fundamental flaw in the planning. The designs had been practically useless but that didn't stop them from selling. "No one realised there was a key component missing and they became liable for millions."

"The judge ruled it fraud." She finishes, winding another bite of noodles around her chopsticks.

He mimics the action but rather than bringing it to his mouth he pauses, a frown creasing his brow. He knows the case but it doesn't shed any light on his current problem or seem to bear any relation. "So what does any of that have to do with Drake?"

She swallows wiping her mouth with a napkin. "Pete only served six month jail time before he was released on probation. When he got out a lighting business who saw the potential behind his ideas offered him a job under the provision he was paid privately and not affiliated to the company. He agreed and when he actually put in the work was able to come up with some solutions to the installation problems."

She pauses for a beat letting him absorb the information. The most integral piece is still to come and it fits in painting a complete overview of Drake's involvement. "The company eventually branched into the design industry creating the chain Eloware Lights and Furniture and Ryan, Peter's son, has recently been taken on by the board of directors. _That's_ your connection."

"Son of a bitch." He swears flippantly, dropping his utensils and scrubbing the hand back over his face. If Drake partners up with Ryan, Eloware could easily absorb the Carter's business turning it into a franchise and making both men obscenely rich. With no one any the wiser once Drake takes full control he can buy out -or bribe- any board members who don't agree with the direction. It's completely along the lines of what he suspected was happening he'd just no way to make the connection, until now. "Donna, how the hell did you find all this out?"

The surprise in his voice isn't unexpected and a smile pulls her lips into a smirk. "Kids these days," she rolls her wrist in a fashioning statement, "their entire lives are splashed all over the internet. Once I realised Ryan and Drake went to university together the rest was a hop, skip and jump."

Well, it wasnt quite that easy. She still had to do a lot of sweet talking but tapping her resources is fortunately something she excells at. "What can I say, people like me. Ask the right way and you get the right answers."

Her casual shrug leaves him basking in awe and before he can think twice his appreciation bubbles out beneath a wide grin, " _like_ you... I could _kiss_ you."

"Easy tiger." She puts on the breaks her mouth quirking at his sudden enthusiasm. "Question is, what are you going to do now? We don't actually have any proof."

"We find some." His determination echoes adamantly around the small kitchen. It's not ideal but if he can work the right angle he can get to the lawyers at Eloware and start there. "The board wouldn't have let Ryan in based solely on his father's involvement. First thing tomorrow I'm going to find out what deal was cut and if there's been any tracked communication been Ryan and Drake, there's our proof."

It's more than he had an hour ago and an actual plan, easing the persistent throb that's been driving him slowly mad throughout the day. He knows he shouldn't keep being surprised by her ingenuity but damn if he isnt blown away by it every single time. "Donna you're amazing."

Heat cheeks flush at the sudden compliment and she ducks her head, lifting it back up with a composed shrug. " _I_ know that-" she winks playfully, "doesn't hurt to hear you say it every once and a while."

"I can engrave it on a plaque if you like." And he would too, the humour ghosting over his seriousness as she finishes the remains of her meal. He honestly has no idea what he'd do without her and opens his mouth to test voicing the gratitude but before he can find a way to express it her phone rings drilling through the silence. She digs into her purse answering the call with an almost shy tone. Very un-Donna like and he quickly conceals his interest moving to gather their plates.

"Hi... no it's fine, I wasn't asleep." She glances at Harvey trying to sound polite and not rude as she deflects the call. "Actually now's not a great time... yeah I did too," she smiles softly, "tomorrow... we are, see you then." She hangs up directing her attention to where Harvey is stood by the sink, "sorry about that."

The sheepish look on her face twists in his chest but he conceals the reaction flexing his palms against the counter with a slight lean towards her. "Donna Paulsen, are you blushing?"

"Of course not." It's a lie and she feels stupid as he holds her gaze searching for something she can't discern. Usually she can always read him and it's another few seconds before he speaks, a teasing note quickly covering his overt interest.

"I take it that was Thomas."

She nods confirming the guess. "He just finished up a meeting with Beijing."

He could care less about the CEO's business dealings but rather than analyse why the man annoys him so much he forges ahead attempting to show his support. "So the date went well?"

Embarrassment warms her cheeks and she feels like a teenager with some stupid crush. It's ridiculous. She's a fully grown adult and straightens in her seat rising above the awkwardness. "We had a good time. He's nice, funny... hates clowns. I bet you'd really like him."

 _Unlikely,_ he thinks keeping the private thought to himself. It's unfounded and has absolutely no basis urging him to try and remain impartial. "Why don't you bring him along to Louis' pre baby shower drinks?" It comes out with surprising sincerity given his smile barely lifts. The last thing he wants to do is 'get to know the guy' but the gratitude that washes over her face makes it almost with the effort he's putting in.

She appreciates he's showing an interest but as the suggestion settles she reconsiders it for different reasons. Thomas is Louis' client after all and mixing pleasure with business with alcohol seems like it could be a spiraling disaster. "You don't think it would be weird? I mean, we've only been on one date and sure it was good but what if it's too soon? What if Louis says something or..." she stops suddenly, realising it's descending into a ramble and when she catches his gaze it's filled with curious amusement. "Oh _crap-_ " she gives an almost painful wince, "I'm being that person aren't I? It's okay just go ahead and kill me. Put me out of my misery before the crazy takes over."

"Can't do that. Unfortunately I need you around-" he jokes, a smirk sliding onto his mouth, "but I will settle for teasing you mercifully."

She flops with a sigh despondent to the comment. It's amazing how he can go from zero to jerk in sixty seconds but he quickly redeems himself stepping around the island in the kitchen and dropping his hands over her shoulders with a warm smile.

"Come on, it's getting late. You can have the bed I'll take the couch."

The imprint of his touch lingers as he moves towards the open lounge and she immediately feels bad. "You sure?" She asks over her shoulder watching him take down the afghan draped casually over the leather seating. It's a new addition, something he bought for instances just like these, and she isn't in the least surprised when he waves her off.

"Would I offer if I wasn't?" They both know he wouldn't. It's not his style but when she spins around on the stool to face him he finds his expression softening. "You're only here cause you were helping me out, I owe you."

It's not untrue and she drops her feet to the floor slipping off her heels. "Thanks Harvey."

"Don't mention it."

His footsteps are light as he heads to the bedroom in search of a pillow for himself and something for her to change into. His Harvard shirt is her usual choice and he digs it out not really thinking about it until a betraying thought creeps into his head. Would Kessler see the whole thing as innocent?

It's only been one date and he's getting ahead of himself but the foreboding sense of change makes him uneasy. He wants Donna to be happy that's a given but so is the dull ache that tugs at the mere mention of her seeing someone.

He'll get over it -he has too- but he'll be damned if it isn't becoming a seriously troubling inconvenience.


	4. Chapter 4: Kody

_Please give me direction, I think the hurt set in._

 **\- Matchbox 20, Kody**

* * *

Donna takes a sip of her drink, her eyes washing over the crowd of people gathered in honor of Louis. The man himself is practicality glowing although that could be the tequila he's been consuming all night. With just over a month to go the nerves are starting to show and she makes mental to note check in with him on Monday, maybe take him out to lunch and remind him there's nothing to worry about. He's going to be an amazing father and she takes a sip through her straw, jumping when she hears a low voice by her ear.

"Hey you."

She smiles as Thomas' large hands graze the curve of her waist. She'd been worried he wasn't going to show, something about a last minute contract needing approval, and she relaxes turning to face him. "Hey, you made it."

Maybe it's the alcohol or the atmosphere but she greets him with a kiss, lingering on the sweet spicey taste in her mouth.

It takes him by surprise but he's in no way complaining, a grin splitting across his face when she pulls back. "You look beautiful." His eyes move from the drink in her hand to the short red dress. Nothing too flashy but on her it's a showstopper.

"And _you_ are setting a dangerous precedence for compliments." She lifts a playful eyebrow, the beat of pop/rock music behind them adding to the relaxed feel. Louis had wanted something surprisingly low-key, a casual foray into fatherhood, and vastly different from the baby shower she's helping Sheila plan. It's going to be a monstrosity but ever mother deserves to have the shower of their dreams and it's her job to make it happen. "Was everything okay at the office?"

He nods, amusement drifting over his expression. "Shoptalk?"

"Better than cheesy one-liners." She throws back, letting out a laugh as his hands sweep in returning to her waist. It's their fifth official date and there's an easiness to him, a fun relaxed vibe that she can't help getting caught up in, and she bites her lip when he leans in to whisper in her ear.

"That's good because I only had about two left anyway."

She feels him smirk against her cheek and grins, ready with a comeback but he kisses her and for a moment she forgets where they are until a wolf-whistle rings out behind her. She gently pushes him back embarrassment heating her face as Katrina appears beside them.

"Well, hello" she takes a sip from her long island ice tea letting her eyes rake over the handsome man. She's seen him in the office a few times because, honestly, who wouldn't notice the tall dark and charismatic CEO swooning about. He's certainly made an impression and she extends her hand enthusiastically, "I'm Katrina."

Thomas lets his arm drop from Donna's side fixing the blonde with smile. "Katrina, it's lovely to meet you I'm-"

"Thomas Kessler." Harvey interrupts with Jessica in tow behind him. Her arrival had been a surprise for Louis, the celebration coinciding with a business trip she'd planned, and he opens his palm greeting the man. "It's good to see you again. This is my former boss Jessica Pearson."

They shake and Jessica's next, her interest piqued by the man Donna is currently dating. There's something familiar about him but she can't place it and smiles playing the cards close to her chest. "Nice to meet you."

Thomas returns the gesture humbled by the women's presence. Aside from her reputation as an excellent lawyer he also knows about her from another mutual source and uses the story as an icebreaker. "Actually I believe you know a friend of mine, Alison Keylie."

The name is a blast from the past and she can't help smiling broadly at the association. "My god, you know Ally?" The two of them used to be thick as thieves in university until the would-be lawyer changed her degree but they'd still remained close, only drifting apart when their careers had branched into different cities.

"We actually dated for a while back in university-" it slips out before he considers it might be awkward but Donna's smile is reassuring and Jessica's is one of bewilderment.

"You're _the_ Thomas?" She asks, feeling Harvey stiffen beside her. She'd wanted to reserve her judgment but is steadily coming to realise she already knows a great deal about the man, probably more than Donna at this point. "Ally and I went to Vassar College together before she transferred," she fills in bringing the group up to speed. "She'd call me going on and on about this amazing freshman she had a crush on. I can still remember when you finally asked her out-" she laughs, shaking her head, "I don't think I've spoken to her in, it must be two or three years now."

"She's doing well," he confirms with a smile, "living up in Baltimore with two great kids. I can give you her number if you like?"

The urge to groan rests in Harvey's throat but he swallows it trying to remain civil. If nothing else the fact Jessica holds Kessler in such high esteem should be a comfort but he can't help latching into the odd comment. "So the two of you are still in touch?"

It's a slightly accusatory tone and Thomas lifts his hand in mock surrender. "Nothing like that," he assures, "I go way back with her husband, I actually introduced them."

Jessica watches Harvey open his mouth presumably with a 'friendly' retort and swans herself in-between the men to play devil's advocate. "Why don't you let me buy you a drink Thomas. That's if Donna doesn't mind me stealing you away?"

Still somewhat perplexed Donna agrees not sure whether to feel grateful or uneasy but she relaxes when Thomas leans in with a quick kiss.

"I'll let you know if I need saving."

She smiles giving his arm a squeeze as Harvey closes the circle. She isn't surprised that they've lost Katrina. The senior partner is tearing up the dance floor and she takes a sip of her drink glancing up at Harvey. "Well, that was unexpected."

"Looks like you have the Jessica Pearson seal of approval." He comments wishing he had a glass in his own hand. He downed his last three a little too quickly but the sudden urge to pick up the pace rears itself.

She catches the flash of disapproval in his expression but knows better than to take it personally. If anything it has more to do with Jessica's attention being diverted and she nudges his side playfully. "Don't pout, you're still her favourite."

"Am I still yours?"

It's out before he can stop it and heat spreads down the back of his neck but he doesn't retract the question, intrigued by the rarity of seeing her lost for words.

"Donna!"

Katrina's overly loud voice breaks the moment and Harvey tries not flinch as her arms come up landing over both of their shoulders. "Tell me you are _not_ dating that gorgeous specimen of a man." She jerks spilling her drink, which seems to go unnoticed, and Harvey rubs the wet spot with a frustrated huff.

"Excuse me." He leaves before the conversation goes any further making his way through the swarm of people and music that's far too loud. He should be at home with an aged scotch listening to the calming sound of Jazz not squeezing through a crowd half his age but this is Louis' party and he steels himself against the turn in his mood, breathing out sharply as he pushes into the bathroom.

Brian is at the basin washing his hands and Harvey tugs at his tie loosening it to get better access to the stain seeping into his shirt.

"Hey." Brian swallows awkwardly, catching Harvey's eye in the mirror. The lawyer seems more stoic than usual and he takes a deep breath turning off the faucet and reaching for a piece of towel. "Everything okay?"

Harvey's almost amused by the look of fear in his expression but it doesn't mellow his annoyance. "You might want to keep an eye on Katrina. I think she's hitting the long island ice tea's a little hard."

Brian nods, then hesitates, not sure whether to stay or leave but the pointed glare he receives makes it perfectly clear the conversation is over. Harvey watches him rush out shaking his head as he dabs a wad of towel against his shirt. The spot is barely noticeable, an easy fix for any half-decent dry cleaner, and he tosses the ball of paper into the bin redoing the knot on his tie.

 _Screw it._

He's here to have a good time not sulk in the bathroom and he mentally picks himself up making his way back out through the crowd. When he get's to the bar Thomas is there, presumably to buy Donna a drink because he already has one in his hand, and Harvey squares his shoulders as he approaches.

" _The_ Thomas Kessler." He quips reaching into his back pocket to pull out his wallet.

"Harvey." Thomas tries not wince at the air of awkwardness between them. Professionally his dealings have mostly been with Louis so he can only assume the reason for the lukewarm reception has less to do with his business and more to do with him personally. "Look, I know we haven't been seeing each other very long-"

"You're dating me too now?"

It's quick off the bat and Thomas forces a friendly smile. "If you're worried about us working together don't be. Donna's already laid down the line and we're both on the same page."

Harvey nods keeping his expression neutral as he tries to flag down the bartender. "I'm sure you are."

Thomas angles his body away from the array of liquor to face the lawyer. He's never been one to shy away from confrontation but he's willing to tread cautiously for Donna's sake. "So it's just me you don't like then?"

"I'm not saying that." He argues, gaining the man in a vest's attention and forcing a smile as he orders a drink.

"You're not not saying it." Thomas challenges watching him get served. He get's it. He's a new man in Donna's life and a client at the firm. There's bound to be some friction and if he has to be the first one to bend a little he's prepared to give it a try. "Have you run a security check yet?"

It sounds like a genuine question and Harvey's actually surprised though he keeps it from showing. "Why, you got something to hide?"

"If I did would I be standing here talking you?" He raises an eyebrow, letting the comment sink in as he finally places an order for Donna's drink. He's half expecting Harvey to take the opening and run and he feels a small sense of triumph when the lawyer leans back against the bar with a slightly more relaxed jawline.

"You a Yankees fan?" He reluctantly throws out the icebreaker swirling his glass.

Thomas nods. "There any other team?"

The answer is adequate enough and Harvey takes a quick sip of his scotch. "You play?"

"Batting average of three forty."

It's childish or maybe it's the alcohol hitting his system but the fact the average isn't as good as his own makes Harvey ease up. Maybe he was being 'slightly' unfair and though he wouldn't go so far as to admit it he doesn't immediately bolt when Louis appears next to them.

"Thomas good to see you!"

The greeting is exuberant and Harvey smirks at the exchange not sure whether he's being sarcastic or if he's just that happy from the amount of tequila he's been putting away. "Thomas was just telling me he's a Yankees fan."

"You get I'm into theatre right?" Louis brandishes the comment, perusing the bar when something important tugs at his subconscious. Thomas Kessler is here. Donna said something about-

"Oh-my-god-you're-dating-Donna!"

Harvey almost spits out his drink at the delayed reaction and covers the response with a cough but to Thomas' credit he takes it in his stride.

"I am." He confirms with a smile. He's worked with Louis for almost four years and the man's unique character along with his talent for numbers is one of the reasons why he's so loyal to the firm. If anything now it's his turn to impress and he offers his arm in a show of respect. "I know this is a little awkward but I think Donna is amazing and I would never do anything to hurt her."

Louis shakes his hand, a look of dumbfoundment passing over his features. Since becoming managing partner he's had to take on a lot of roles and responsibility but this feels like a conversation that should be directed at Harvey and he exhales a hushed whisper, "are we okay with this?"

A smirk catches Harvey's lips knowing that if he wasn't Louis would have his back but it's not about him. It's about Donna and he holds Thomas' gaze nodding into his glass, "yes Louis, we're fine with it."

...

Jessica stands from across the room watching the three men as she hands Donna a drink. She knew the moment Harvey approached it would likely be a long wait and she wasn't wrong but so far everything has seemed amicable. "Now isn't that just picture worthy."

Donna turns peering over her glass to the other side of the bar. "You know I need all the gossip right?" Her eyes move from Thomas to Harvey and as if sensing her his gaze lifts across the crowed floor. It instantly makes her smile and she mouths a thank you swallowing a laugh at his eye-roll.

"All you need to know is that he's a good guy." Jessica assures noticing the exchange that's over as quickly as it began. "But then again so is Harvey."

The comment draws Donna's attention back, a faint blush warming her cheeks as the other women regards her. Maybe in the past things between herself and Harvey had seemed like they were moving in certain direction but she's been up against that wall so many times and it never bends or breaks. He's never wanted more than friendship and maybe she didn't either, maybe she was just so caught up in it all she couldn't see the lines for what they really were. "We're both happy Jessica."

It's an ambiguous answer one that she considers carefully. It's not her place to speak for Harvey but at the same time she's known him longer and stubbornness is his own worst enemy. "It's complicated, I get it-" she replies with a friendly smile, "has been ever since he demanded I hire you and I'm betting long before that too."

She's not wrong and Donna can't help wondering about the intuition. Despite her efforts she doesn't know much about Harvey's past before the DA's office and she toys with her straw, a note of curiosity creeping into her tone. "Did you and he _ever_ -"

"Good lord no." Jessica actually laughs at the idea. It's not from a lack of imagination but their relationship has always been one of respect and in the early says neither of them would have ever tampered with those foundations. To even give it consideration would have happened after his rise to managing partner but by then he'd already had eyes for somebody else. Whether he'd admitted it or not. "Can I be honest with you?"

"Depends, about this dress or my hair?" She asks covering the nervousness in her stomach. She's always admired Jessica's no bullshit approach to the truth but she's lived through her relationship with Harvey firsthand and no matter what anyone says this is how things are supposed to be between them.

"He isn't afraid to fight for you Donna he's scared to _win_." Jessica lifts her gaze finding him over the sea of people, "you know our boy Harvey, once he has something he's not exactly great at keeping it."

She follows Jessica's eye-line to Harvey who's motioning with one hand and she just knows he's trying to explain something in baseball. This time though it's Thomas who catches her eye and she smiles swallowing the tiniest flare of guilt. Thomas is who she wants to be with, not Harvey. That ship sailed a long time ago and she turns her attention back to Jessica. "So, enough about me. I want to hear all about what's happening in Chicago."

It's a fair diversion and Jessica doesn't argue the change of subject. At the end of the day it's not Donna she should be talking to, it's Harvey and she drags her gaze away from him deciding that tomorrow she'll simply cut right to the chase. If it isn't what he wants then she gladly accept it.

But if it turns out he doesn't.

Then she'll be damned.


	5. Chapter 5: Leave

_But if that's how it's gonna leave, straight out from underneath then we'll see who's sorry now._

\- Matchbox 20, Leave

* * *

Harvey steps into the diner phone to his ear as he scans the seating arrangement for Jessica. The haunt used to be their traditional place to eat after a big night out and he likes the idea of paying homage to it even if his mood is far from nostalgic. Instead he's irritated by the same voice mail he keeps connecting with and when he spots their table he hangs up trying to the shake off his frustration.

Jessica notes the irritation immediately, raising an eyebrow as he sits down. "Should I ask?"

He doesn't bother with the menu. They always gets the same thing, pancakes with maple syrup, and he waves over the waitress asking for two strong coffees to go along with the order. When the brunette leaves he shrugs his shoulders drumming his fingers over the laminate surface. "A client of mine is being screwed over, _royally_ screwed, and the only lawyers who can prove it are being assholes."

She sits up a little straighter fixing her posture and clasping her hands together over the table. "Henry Carter?"

He's all too familiar with the look she's wearing and rolls his eyes not sure whether to be annoyed or relived that her wealth of information doesn't discriminate the fact she no longer lives in Manhattan. "How did you know?"

"I still keep in touch with a handful of former clients." She smiles as if it isn't a big deal but there's a note of ambiguity to the tone, one she isn't sure he picks up on until recognition twitches in his features.

"Son of a bitch." He mutters waiting for her mask to slip. "He went to you first didn't he?"

She nods opening her palms and making space when the waitress returns with their coffee. She wasn't being deliberately deceitful. Henry had come to her as a friend worried that Harvey might not see eye to eye with his retirement plan and though she assured him Harvey would only have his best interests at heart that seemed to be the problem. "He was concerned you might have an issue with Drake taking over."

"So you suggested he ambush me in a board meeting?" He throws out feeling the eyes of the waitress on him. He hadn't meant to snap but the fact Jessica went behind his back and didn't speak to him about it first is a clear black and white betrayal. "You should have told me."

She smiles apologetically at the waitress waiting until she leaves to address his anger. "All I said was that he should give you time to process it, rationally. Would you honestly have done that if he'd been upfront with you before the meeting?"

He wants to stay mad but the irritation fades into mild annoyance as he picks up the milk stirring it into his coffee. She's right. If he'd have known prior to speaking formally with Drake he would have formed his opinion based on scepticism rather the business plan but that doesn't change the fact his intuitions were right. "Well just so you know his son is planning to turn the company into a cheap tacky furniture chain and I'm running out of reasons to stall the handover."

She isn't surprised the learn the information. Advising Henry hadn't meant she was on-board with decision it was a means to get the truth and if Drake really is planning to sell off the company the question isn't why Harvey's stalling, it's why he doesn't already have the proof. "And yet here you are having breakfast with me instead of being out there kicking those lawyer's asses."

He glances up at her pointed look and slides the jug over with an unimpressed huff. He's here because he doesn't know what to do. Before he met Mike right and wrong were always obvious. Now he's fighting so hard to do what's right and he doesn't even know what that is. Either Henry loses his business or he loses a son and nothing about that feels like winning.

The look of deflation isn't something she's used to seeing on his face and she frowns trying to read between the lines. The case is obviously personal but it's more than that and she can hazard a few guesses as to where the doubt is coming from. "You used to tell me that if something matters, if it's important, you find another way."

He nods bitterly, keeping his gaze downcast and drumming his fingers. He used to believe it too and then little by little things started to chip away at the mantra. Donna almost went to prison, Mike _did_ go to prison, Robert Zane replaced his name on the wall. He started losing and it changed things, it changed him. "Sometimes there _isn't_ another way," he whispers hoarsely, facing the harsh truth. Sometimes people can't win and this is one of those cases.

She regards him carefully, taking in his features properly for the first time. He's not the same fresh faced lawyer that used to flounce in demanding the world bend to his whim. He's older. The five o'clock shadow around his jawline is rougher and he's matured into the man she always hoped he'd become but winning is an abstract concept. Until he's able to accept that he's always going to be beholden to expectations that are impossible to meet. In his career and in his personal life.

"What's this really about Harvey?" She watches him draw his cup to his mouth and picks up her own blowing against the steam. She knows it's about more than just Henry Carter but as expected he dismisses the question with a shrug and she rests her elbows on the table peering at him over her coffee. "Why don't I tell you what I think is going on and then we can go back and forth until you decide whether or not you want to take my advice."

He bristles at the suggestion but the rhetorical statement blocks any form of protest. Any engagement means partaking and he squares his shoulders frustrated but not surprised by the manipulation. He did after all learn from the best. "You know this is why I don't call right?"

"You don't call because you think that when I left the firm I left _you-_ " she states bluntly, coming right out with it, "but that's not what happened."

"I know that." He swallows sharply feeling the weight of her glare. It's the one that stipulates she's right beyond any reasonable doubt and he gives in with a sigh. "Fine. I know that _now_."Admittedly it took him a long time to come to terms with the fact but as long as she's forcing honestly out of him he may as well lay all his cards on the table. "I've been seeing someone recently. Louis' therapist actually. He's been helping me work through some unresolved issues."

"That's good Harvey." The comment is genuine and she hides her surprise at the openness. It's proof the sessions are working but the admittance is still vague and she wonders if he realises which recent 'issues' might be contributing to his sudden foray into self-doubt. "We're all afraid of losing people, of being alone, but last night I saw something in you I haven't seen before."

Despite his current mood the ghost of a smirk touches his lips. "You've seen me drunk."

"That's not what I mean and you know it." She finds her own mouth curving, the tension between them sitting at an amicable level although she's not sure how receptive he's going to be to what she has to say next. "I'm talking about Donna."

She sees the instant flash in his eyes, the warning not to go there, but she does anyway. "The old Harvey would have pushed her away but you choosing to be happy for her is the same as hiding Drake's intentions from Henry. It doesn't feel like winning because by protecting them you wind up getting hurt."

His first instinct to deny the similarities but if he lets himself see them, really considers the possibility she's right, the timing of his hesitation no longer feels like a coincidence. On some level, in some way, he is hurt by Donna moving on and he wants to spare Henry the same pain but he can't fix either situation. He doesn't even know where to start with the firm's COO. He can't identify what his feelings towards her mean and confronting Drake without proof would be an exercise in futility. Even if he had the documents in his hand they would only temper the storm that's coming. He's fucked six ways to Sunday and hates himself for letting the emotion get to him but he needs to find a way through it and fast.

She watches him wrestle with the revelation and smiles gently. "In my experience being truthful sooner rather than later is usually better." It's a textbook answer but she stands by it and isn't surprised when he pulls out his wallet.

"You mind?" He asks watching her shake her head and he throws some money down on the table to cover their breakfast.

She doesn't question where he's going. Resolving one problem should pave a solution to the next or at least that's what she hopes. "One condition," she insists lifting her coffee back up to her lips, "call me. Let me know how it all works out."

He nods in agreement the gesture conveying his honest gratitude. He's always been able to count on her for guidance and he pulls out his phone telling Ray to meet him out front. Maybe it won't feel like winning but Jessica's right he needs to swallow his pride and do something before things get any worse.

...

The traffic in the city is nightmare and Harvey glances anxiously at his watch as he gets out of the car making his way up to the familiar door. Lunchtime on a Saturday isn't ideal for a surprise visit but he knocks anyway hoping he isn't intruding.

When it opens he's met by Henry Carter, the man's confused expression softening as he leans into the wooden frame. "Harvey? I wasn't expecting a personal call."

"I was in the neighbourhood." He shrugs casually but the air of indifference doesn't fool either of them and honestly he didn't expect it to.

"Well, we both know that's a lie." Henry makes the humorous observation standing back to invite Harvey inside. He's been treated to the occasional visit over the years, when the lawyers schedule permits it, and he closes the door feeling a wave of nostalgia. "You know your dad used to bring you round on a Sunday..." he Joins Harvey in the lounge gazing out the large bay windows, "you used to play out in the garden with Molly for hours, god bless her soul."

Harvey feigns a smile remembering the enthusiastic border collie. He's always liked dogs but as he grew older his lifestyle never accommodated pets and he thinks about the cactus Donna gave him. She'd said anything more clingy would intimate him and he'd let it die and at the time she'd probably been right but standing in the family home makes him wonder if he could do it for himself one day; find a place with a yard and neighbours, actually settle down. He shakes free from the thought eyes trailing to a large coffee table laden with photos, cardboard and various other crafty items. It's certainly not what he was expecting to interrupt and he raises a curious eyebrow.

"Barnaby's idea." Henry gives a brief chuckle as he lowers himself onto the white leather settee motioning for Harvey to take a seat opposite him. "I've been slowly winding back my hours, trying to get used to the idea of retirement. It's actually more relaxing than it looks."

Harvey makes himself comfortable clasping his hands over his knees as he peers over the photos. Most of them are are of faces he doesn't know but there's one with sepia corners sticking out that catches his attention. "May I?" At Henry's nod he picks it up recognising his father amongst the group.

"That was back in the seventies, around the time Gordon met Lily if I'm not mistaken."

He stares at the faded image, the mention of his mother making him breathe out slowly. Just because Drake's intentions are riddled with deceit doesn't mean the father son relationship is unsalvageable. Lily taught him that forgiveness is a powerful tool and he sets down the photo knowing Jessica was right. He needs to rip off the bandaid and wear whatever consequences come his way. "How much do you know about Eloware Lighting and Design?"

Henry watches the man slip into lawyer mode frowning at the sudden change of subject. "I know their designs are tacky and I wouldn't for one second want one of their monstrosities in my house."

Harvey winces having figured as much but with no other way to say it dives straight in. "Drake has been talking to a member of the board. He wants to merge H&B Carter once he's officially in control of the vote."

The accusation lands bluntly and seemingly from nowhere causing Henry to adamantly shake his head. "He wouldn't do that."

"I have proof." Technically it's a tiny white lie. He doesn't have physical evidence readily available but he knows it exits thanks to an eager to please secretary. He was able to get a quick glance at the papers he just needs Eloware's lawyers to give him full permission to access the documentation. "There's a draft agreement that was drawn up between someone at H&B Carter and Ryan Ashford, a member of the board at Eloware. If the deal goes through Ryan get's a promotion and H&B Carter stand to double their profits as a chain business."

"You're wrong." Henry bites the inside of his cheek and pushes up from the settee moving to stand by the window. The garden always been a source of comfort, a place of peace, and he breathes in sharply refusing to believe his son would have anything to do with the merger. "You said someone, that means there's no name on the contract from our side."

"Not that I've seen." He confirms with a reluctant nod. It's a small catch but it's also entirely possible he just missed the detail. The procurement had only just skirted being legal and he hadn't had a lot of time to skim the document but the evidence stacking up speaks for itself. "Even without a name Ryan went to school with Drake and the draft was dated twelve months ago. That's around the same time he took an interest in the firm."

Henry doesn't want to believe it. He can't believe it. After his wife passed his relationship with his son become estranged but they've spent months working to mend fences and the betrayal seems impossible. Yet he can't help a small wave of doubt from creeping in. He's been in the game for a long time, seen best friends and family members turn for money before, and every time the shock is always unfathomable.

Harvey can read his hesitation and stands shoving his hands deep in his pockets. "I can't see how this could be a coincidence." He admits regretfully, his features softening as he moves to join the man. "Maybe there is an explanation but I hope you understand that I had to come to you with this."

Henry swallows hard fighting a wave of emotion. It isn't that he doesn't appreciate the honestly, he does. He knew the lawyer would go digging he'd just been so certain there wouldn't be anything to find. Maybe he really is just an old naive fool. "You're a good man Harvey." He affirms drawing comfort from the fact that at least one of his long-time relationships is still intact and trustworthy. "Your father would be proud of you."

Harvey nods feeling his own voice catch in his throat. "For what it's worth I'm sorry, I didn't want to be right about this."

And he really didn't but there's no point wasting platitudes or trying to hide the fact the situation isn't what it should be. In this instance loyalty had to take precedence over hard facts and the notion is far more important that winning. It's something he takes with him as he leaves, aware he can't do anything more to help at least for the moment. The confrontation lies with Henry and he has Ray drive him to the firm rather than going back to his empty apartment.

When he arrives at his desk he stares down at the phone, fingers twitching to reach out and call Donna. Not because of what Jessica said or because she's knows the Carter case. Honestly he just wants the familiar comfort of her voice but the realisation she's probably with Thomas stops him. The three of them, Louis included, shared a cab when the bar closed and he reaches for the Macallan instead frowning when a sound drives his attention to the door. "Louis, what are you doing here?"

The man shakes his head instantly regretting it when the motion makes him nauseous. " _Hangover..._ " he groans painfully, shielding his gaze from the light as he stumbles to the sofa. It's not really an explanation but he doesn't care sinking down into the leather cushions.

"Make yourself a home." Harvey quips not sure if it's sympathy or his own need for company that forces him to show a little compassion. "Hair of dog." He insists pouring a second drink and walking it over to the managing partner.

Louis accepts the glass using all of his willpower not to retch at the first taste and he coughs patting his chest to help the liquid go down. "I thought you were taking Jessica to the airport?" He breathes in sharply watching Harvey lean against the front edge of his desk.

"I had an errand I needed to run." He swirls his scotch and takes a sip, not in the mood to explain, but despite Louis' sorry state he puts two and two together with surprisingly speed.

"You spoke to Carter didn't you?"

He nods tersely confirming the assumption but leaves the explanation as is changing the subject. "Judging by the looks of things you had a good night."

"From what I can remember." He adds, scrubbing a tired hand over his face. His head is killing him and most of the memories are a wash but he does have a vague recollection of tequila. "We should cheers to being sober for the next twenty-one years."

A low sound akin to a laugh puffs from Harvey's chest as he raises his glass. "To be honest I'm surprised Sheila let you in."

"Technically she didn't, not _exactly,_ " he admits sheepishly, "I crashed at Donna's. When I turned up this morning she was so pissed hat-"

"You had to come and hide out here." Harvey finishes, his face stiffening a the thought of all three of them staying the night in Donna's apartment. "Must have been cosy." It's said under his breath as a throw away remark which he doesn't expect Louis to pick up much less comment on.

"It bothers you doesn't it."

It isn't a question and he could feign ignorance but gives an indifferent shrug instead. "Why should it, he's your client."

"And Donna's _your_..." Louis spins his wrist falling short of the right word. He's sure there is one he just can't find it above the pounding in his head but Harvey is quick to ward off the attempt.

"We're friend Louis, that's all." There's a note of finality to the tone. He doesn't want to talk about it any more than he wants to discuss his interaction with Henry Carter. Regardless of the advice Jessica gave him, Donna doesn't have to get hurt by his indecision and that _is_ something he can control.

"So that's it?" Louis doesn't take the hint forcing down two gulps of scotch to give himself the courage to continue. The few times he's confronted Harvey about Donna things have escalated without warning but they've grown to be more than just colleagues. They're a family and he takes a steely breath staring the opposing lawyer in the eyes. "You're going to stand back and let them get married, have kids, the whole shebang and just be _fine_ with it?"

He's jumping the gun by a mile but the scenario is a haunting one and Harvey narrows his gaze in warning. Of course he fucking hates the idea but unless he wants to ruin fourteen years of friendship he has no choice but to accept it. "If that's what's going to make her happy then yes."

Louis blanches as the alcohol fires through his system sparking an acknowledge of the absurdity. He's in no way god's gift to women and he doesn't carry himself with the same effortless class as Harvey but for the first time in his own brutal comparisons he actually feels superior. He found a way to let love in and if he hadn't no amount of success or money would have ever been able to fill that void. "You're an arrogant asshole."

" _Excuse me_?" Harvey's voice is laced with shock and he squares his shoulders setting his glass down.

Louis honestly doesn't know if the action is a threat but the intimidating stance doesn't sway him. If Harvey does beat the shit out of him it will be worth it knowing he faced his fear even if the other man couldn't. "You think she'd give Kessler the time of day if she knew how you felt? If you really wanted her to be happy you'd stop being such a goddamn coward and figure it out." He slams his eyes closed immediately after, expecting a punch to land or worse but a steely silence fills the office and he slowly risks prising them back open. Harvey looks pissed as hell but hasn't moved and his body sags in relief.

"You _ever_ talk to me like that again-"

The threat hangs between them and Louis swallows nervously, "but I am _right_ , aren't I?"

Harvey opens his mouth too livid to form words when the sudden shrill ring of his cell drives away the need. He doesn't give a shit who it is. He wants the out and answers with a tersely clipped tone. "Harvey Specter."

Louis exhales slowly as the caller takes the brunt of Harvey's anger but the lawyers frustration doesn't mellow. If anything it only increases until he slams down the phone tearing a hand across his face. Louis is almost to afraid to ask but Harvey's gaze snaps up beating him to it.

"That was Drake Carter. He just threatened to sue me for malpractice."

* * *

 **AN: Thank you for all the lovely reviews and encouragement! I know it's a bit slow to start with but the drama will pick up in a few more chapters. Also if anyone else noticed the name Barnaby Joyce the reference was purely unintentional. I've changed the spelling just to clarify :P**


	6. Chapter 6: Long Day

_I'm sorry 'bout the attitude I need to give when I'm with you but no one else would take this shit from me._  
 _A_ _nd I'm so terrified of no one else but me and I'm here all the time and I won't go away._

 **\- Matchbox 20, Long Day**

* * *

Harvey leans back in his chair scrubbing a hand over his face and sighing heavily into the phone. "I understand that Henry but... yeah, of course. I'll send them through now." He hangs up pressing the intercom with a bark, " _Cameron_."

The young assistant startles and several of his colour coded cards go flying causing Harvey to roll his eyes. "Email the documents that came through from Eloware this morning to Henry Carter." He lifts his finger and pulls open the lid of his laptop rolling a stressful kink out of his neck. The entire handover is at a standstill, with Drake maintaining his innocence, but he checked the documentation over himself. The young business entrepreneur's name is there in black and white and now he has a backlog of cases all demanding his immediate attention.

He has no idea where to start and lets out a low growl, catching a flash of red heading his way. The firm's COO would know exactly which jobs to prioritise but he's spent two sleepless nights obsessing over the comments Louis made regarding their relationship. He doesn't have time to deal with overthinking right now and when she closes in he drops his gaze immersing himself in the hundreds of unread emails filling up his inbox.

Donna senses the vibe immediately and edges her way in with a light knock on the glass. "Hey, you busy... I thought we could go for lunch?"

"Swamped actually. Rain-check?"

He doesn't offer any further explanation and she nods folding her arms over her chest. "Sure."

The comment goes unacknowledged and she turns preparing to leave but stops hooking her fingers around door-frame. The last two days he's barely managed to string a sentence together she pivots on her heel striding up to his desk and placing her hands on her hips. When he finally deems it necessary to look up she fixes him with a raised eyebrow. "Are you avoiding me?"

"That would be a little hard given all these glass walls." He laments casually, hoping she'll let it drop. Truth is he has been avoiding her. There's a hundred and one things that could've all seriously benefited from her advice but he's trying not to be so reliant. On her at least. Cameron is a different story and he reaches forward buzzing the intercom again, "tell me you rescheduled my four o'clock today?"

There's an unintelligible muttering in the background and Donna feels a pang of sympathy for the young man. She's knows how stressful it can get working for Harvey and she leans forward replacing the lawyers hand with her own, "Cameron keep the four o'clock. "

Harvey immediately bristles at the unwanted input. "What are _you_ -"

"Louis rescheduled last Thursday. You want to keep them happy you need to suck it up and take the meeting." She straightens matter-of-factly, "now... you want to tell me what's going on or should we just start lighting matches?"

He angles back toward his laptop with a heavy sigh. He knows he's beat but as a lawyer it's common knowledge that in order to avoid suspicion he has to stick as closely to the truth as he can. "I thought you might want some space, that's all." His hands move in circles back and forth over the keyboard feigning a purpose. All he's trying to do is keep things from getting complicated and now he finally understands what she meant when she said their lines had been blurry from day one.

She catches the awkwardness in his voice and it leads her directly to where she assumes the problem is. "This is about Thomas."

It isn't a question and swallows sharply deciding humouring her is better than an outright lie. "I've been a threat in the past."

The audacity of the comment catches her by surprise but it really shouldn't. Some would argue that his tendency to be conceited is part of his charm but in this instance it's entirely unwarranted. "Because you were my boss _,_ " she points out, arguing the relevance but he catches her on a formality.

"Technically I still am." His hands stall and he glances up trapped by the sudden fear he's being too transparent until he sees a flash of confusion in her expression.

" _Harvey?_ " She holds his gaze trying to determine if he's genuinely trying to help or if there's something else at play like the issue of Thomas being a client rearing again. "Does the fact I'm seeing him bother you?"

"No." It's quick and adamant, a little too defensive, and he breathes out slowly, "of course not."

The admission eases the tension that's been brewing and she relaxes, a glimmer of amusement quirking her lips. "Then can you do me a favour?" She waits for his acknowledgment and gives a proper smile, "please stop trying to help."

He concedes with a brief lift of his mouth. It's not like he has a choice and the weight of her absence has been an additional stress that, honestly, at the moment he could do without. "I'll meet you downstairs in five."

Relief washes over her but she keeps it from showing deciding to play her trump card instead. " _Good..._ " she insists, "because while we're out I thought we could go over the Hylux prototype, your meeting with Mr. Teasdale and write the budget report for Friday. Also your Thursday could do with a reshuffle and I figure if there's time after that I might be able to work some Donna magic on your inbox."

She winks and he leans back in his chair, a sense of bewilderment washing over him as she sashays out of the office but the feeling quickly descends into dull ache spanning across his chest. He's always appreciated her. Hell _,_ he nearly lost his mind when she went to work for Louis and that forced him to stat showing his gratitude but even now he lets it slip far too often. She deserves better, someone who can actually process emotion, and he pushes Louis' criticism to the back of his mind.

He isn't a coward.

A coward would ruin everything and run because _that's_ easy but he's fighting with all his god-given strength to do the opposite.

It's a tiring notion and he folds down his laptop pushing the thought aside and dragging himself up from the desk. On the way through he tells Cameron to hold all of his calls. One hour with Donna working her magic is all he needs to get his mojo back on track and then maybe, just _maybe_ , the rest will all fall into place.

...

They sit down for a light lunch not far from the office both ordering a salad that pairs nicely with the weather outside. It's mild and sunny, the window providing a view of happy people milling by and a comfortable conversation accompanies the meal until they're both finished and ready to start working. Harvey waits for their plates to be cleared dragging his phone out and checking his messages. He has six, all from an unknown number, but the explicit content gives away the sender. They're all from Drake Carter and he drops the device on the table, ignoring it and firing up his laptop.

Donna already has his calendar on her tablet and is scrolling through the dates with a thoughtful crease in her brow. "Louis wants to host drinks on the twentieth. You've got an investor's meeting in the morning but Frank's wife is coming back from Italy that afternoon so it shouldn't run over."

"What kind of drinks?" He asks confused, taking them back a step. He might not win any awards for godfather of the year -he'll stick to running the firm- but he's fairly certain that's around when the baby is actually due.

"A client soiree-" she waves her hand in an elaborate gesture, "just to reassure them everything is in place for when he goes on paternity leave."

Surprisingly it isn't a bad idea and he's almost about to admit it when his phone vibrates with another rapid succession of texts. It's the same unknown number and he thumbs the screen with a distracted nod. "Sure sounds good."

She can tell by the dismissive tone he isn't paying attention and glances up frowning at the stiff line of his jaw. "Everything okay?"

He clears his throat waving off the concern. "Yeah its just Louis." The lie slips out easily and he feels a stab of guilt but reasons it isn't worth getting into. They have more important things to focus on and he leads them back to the conversation. "Venue?"

"I was thinking-"

The phone goes off again and this time she absorbs the frustration for him. "Tell me he's not still going on about the Mildred case?"

"Like a dog with a bone." He shrugs feeling heat spread across the base of his neck. It's his job to bluff and he's damn good at it but Donna is different and he's about to tell her the truth when the table buzzes for a third time and her hand shoots out before he can stop it. "Wait-"

 _"Shit_. _"_ He curses as her eyes widen at the screen. There's no point even trying to deny who the messages are from and he scrubs his face with a sigh. "I told you the guy's an asshole."

"Harvey this isn't regular asshole, this is borderline psychotic." The fact he lied takes a back seat as she scrolls through the texts warning him to 'back off the case' and threatening to 'make him pay' if he doesn't. It's almost frightening and she glances up at him with a concerned expression. "You need to report this to the police."

"No I don't." He snatches the device from her hand leaning back so it's out of her reach. Any sort of retaliation, especially involving law enforcement, will blow the whole thing widely out of proportion and that's the last thing H&B Carter or Henry needs at the moment. "He found out I have a copy of the draft agreement with Eloware and he's pissed. Once he realises he's backed into a corner he'll calm down."

"You hope." It's a big assumption and she bites the inside of her cheek at odds with the decision. Doing nothing doesn't sit well with her and neither does the fact he chose to lie about it.

"I was about to tell you," he insists reading the look on her face, "besides... you think I can't take a pipsqueak like Carter?"

"Not the point." She throws back, only slightly comforted by his arrogance. He might be able to hold his own in a fight but that doesn't mean he's a match for crazy and she breathes out a wary sigh. "I just think you should be careful, that's all."

"I'll be fine." He assures, a smirk quirking corners of his mouth, "but it's sweet of you to worry."

She rolls her eyes at the comment dragging the base of his laptop towards her and moving them back to their original conversation. Maybe he's right, maybe antagonising the situation would only make things worse but she still doesn't like it and makes a mental note to seek out Samantha's advice when they get back to the firm. She can imagine the women's had a comparable amount of threats to Harvey over the years and she puts the concern out of her mind as they start working through their agenda.

They breeze easily through an hour rearranging his schedule, prepping for meetings and finishing off the budget report then spend an extra thirty minutes prioritising his emails. When she finally deems his inbox to be in an acceptable state she closes down the laptop with a fresh grin. "Next time you want to avoid me try waiting until you have a lighter case load."

He's actually in agreement with the humour, his lips quirking in response. "What if I pay you double and you come back as my secretary? I'll give you every on-season in the Bahamas off _and_ I'll even throw in Halloween."

She laughs at the offer raising an eyebrow. "You do realise I'd be earning more money than Louis."

"Come on-" he urges, shoving the computer back into its case with a wink, "we both know who the real managing partner is."

A faint blush covers her cheeks at the acknowledgement but there still a flaw to his plan. A big one. "I'd also be earning more money than _you."_ She folds her arms teasingly, enjoying the lighthearted banter. She's missed it recently and can tell he feels the same when his expression softens, his eyes still gleaming.

"You're right, that might be a bit much for my ego take..." he breathes out a low chuckle but an edge of seriousness slowly creeps back into his tone, "thank you for this. I don't know how you do what you do _but_ -"

"I'm awesome at it? I know." She grins, pushing up from her chair and reaching out to graze his arm. "Come on Pretty, you miss that four o'clock and all this effort will have been for nothing."

He stands with her feeling like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, forgetting for a moment that things between them took a slip. All he has to do is steer clear of her mentioning the name Thomas Kessler and he might be able to keep his emotions running on blatant denial.

For the sake of his sanity it's worth a shot.


	7. Chapter 7: How Far We've Come

_I believe the world is burning to the ground._ _Oh well, I guess we're gonna find out._  
 _Let's see how far we've come._

 _ **\- Matchbox 20, How Far We've Come**_

* * *

Donna smooths down the edge of her dress as she moves through her apartment to the door, a mix of nerves and excitement settling in the pit of her stomach. Not just because she managed to perfect her father's famous Bearnaise sauce. It has more to do with the company she's entertaining tonight and she takes a deep breath mentally re-checking the stages of everything being prepared in the kitchen making sure she hasn't forgotten anything.

She and Thomas agreed to skirt around terms like anniversaries. To her celebrating anything below a year just feels tacky but after almost seven weeks together, and his persistent encouragement, she agreed to cook them a meal and 'impress' him with her culinary skills.

Satisfied everything is where it should be she finally opens the door, a welcoming smile gracing her lips. He looks smart, handsome as always and she motions for him to come in checking her watch for the umpteenth time. "You're a little early, I just have to-"

"Donna." He swallows her name, the sound catching in his throat and when she stops to look up at him a tired ache pulls through his chest. He doesn't know how to tell her his news but forces himself to say something needing to disrupt the still of the silence. "I can't stay for dinner."

She frowns at the announcement picking up on his hesitant vibe. She's never had trouble reading people and right now he's an open book causing her stomach to drop. "Maybe this is a stupid question," she says trying to inject some humour, "but wouldn't it have been easier to call rather than come all the way here?"

He can see what she's trying to do and forces a smile though it doesn't reach his eyes. "We need to talk." The approach lands heavily between them and he stiffens in response. It's not how he wanted to start the conversation and he feels a wave of embarrassment wash over his quick apology. "Sorry, I didn't mean for that to sound quite so cliche."

She's actually nervous now. It's definitely not the normal butterflies-dancing-around kind excitement she's used to associating with him and she hangs on the door biting the inside of her cheek. "As in, talk with your coat on or talk while the kitchen is burning down?" She's not trying to make light if the situation. It's a genuine question and when he starts shrugging off the item she takes it as her cue. "I'll be right back, do you want a drink or anything?"

He shakes his head declining the offer as he hangs his coat up. The door clicks shut behind them and he feels terrible as he follows her, _worse_ , and not just for ruining dinner. He cant shake the guilt of what he's about to do and stops short of entering the kitchen. Instead he takes a seat on the sofa breathing out roughly.

The sound washes over her and she escapes into the small space, hands shaking as she walks across to the oven turning it off and removing the pot from the hotplate. The Bearnaise sauce is still bubbling away inside, mocking her, and she tosses it into the sink releasing a fast sigh and leaning heavily against the the counter. It might not be _that_ bad, she tires to reason, her gaze drifting to the unopened bottle of wine sat staring at her.

On the other hand if it is going to be bad maybe she _should_ get drunk.

No, she decides forcefully. She wants to face whatever he has to say with a clear head and leaves anything that isn't a fire hazard.

When she emerges from kitchen he's already made himself comfortable and isn't surprised when she opts for the furthest space away from him rather than dropping down in her usual spot. "I really am sorry about dinner."

She doesn't give a damn about the food. Something is obviously going on and she squares her shoulders a mix of concern and frustration driving her bluntness. "Can we please just get this over with?"

He nods having expected the reaction. He figured she'd want to get straight to the point and claps his hands together moving his gaze to a fixed point in the centre of the room. "The deal I've been working on with Beijing was approved by out commissioning office late last night. They want to open fifteen stores across the capital with the view of expanding out once revenue picks up."

She's shocked by the news, in a good way, until the meaning he left out starts to slowly creep its way in. He wouldn't be telling her like this unless it meant leaving and though she tries her hardest not to sound bitter she's sure it comes across in her tone. "That's great. I'm... really happy for you."

He hears the catch in her voice, the almost break, and it stabs painfully in his chest. He isn't surprised she put the pieces together so quickly and can feel his own throat becoming thick with emotion. He likes her, _a lot_ , and the past two months have been the best time he's ever had in a relationship but losing the deal would mean sacrificing two years of work and even though he actually considered it, that kind of pressure could easily destroy what they've built together. The timing couldn't be worse and he collects himself finding her gaze. "They need me over there for the first twelve months and then they'll determine whether they want to put someone in and run it from their side. It's really just a cost saving venture."

"It's an amazing opportunity." She swallows, her mouth moving on autopilot, "when do you leave?"

"Three weeks. Once Louis checks and finalises the paperwork." He avoids the elephant in the room with the same ferocity she is, knowing full well what it means for them, but when she quickly swipes her eyes that action cuts straight through him. Though it feels nearly a hundred times worse when her voice flattens with a steely coolness.

"Did you know?" She asks forcing a neutral expression. It sounds like the kind of thing he should have been told early on but if he knew it was coming she can't fathom why he would wait until now to tell her.

"Not exactly." He rubs his thumbs together with a low sigh. He can't say he blames her reaction. It's his fault they're in this situation but all he can do is answer truthfully. "I knew someone would have to head the project and we'd discussed my involvement but they only told me last night that signing would be contingent on me filling the position."

She nods slowly, absorbing the information and the flare of anger simpers just as quickly as it shot out. On their first date she'd asked him why none of his previous relationships had gone anywhere and he'd been completely candid about his work ethic. Yet she'd ignored the sense of foreboding never having imagined she'd fall this quickly. It's her own fault and the notion winds in her chest as she forces a smile trying to cover the rush of hurt. "You did warn me your career comes first."

There's a ghostly impression of humour beneath the comment but he's completely serious as he holds her gaze. "I said I'd never found a reason it shouldn't."

The ambiguity to the correction makes her pulse skip and for once she doesn't trust her instincts or ability to read people. It sounds like he's admitting to something but she's fighting too many emotions to tell for sure and her eyes stay locked with his as her mouth parts in question. "What are you saying?"

What _is_ he saying?

God, he has absolutely no idea. He's spent too many years as CEO being governed by the rules in his head but looking at her now those reason don't reach beyond a vague echo. Being with her makes him think differently, like there are things - _people-_ out there worth taking a risk for and he opens his hands angling his body towards her. "I'm saying this came out of nowhere and I know you hate cliche's but I've never felt this way before." He shakes his head at the absurdity, at all the things he shouldn't be revealing but they barrel out regardless, "what I'm _saying_ , is I think I'm falling in love with you Donna."

Shock slams the air out of her lungs and she doesn't know whether to be elated or terrified. Usually she would bolt, run so fast and far away from the commitment that it would shrivel and die all on its own but part of her wants to stay and she hates herself because in that second she thinks of Harvey. How the pull toward Thomas is so similar and if she can let one go maybe she really could be happy with the other but it's a big if. Love is a strong word and she needs to know if he means it. "Enough to stay?"

The question spills out into the silence and he doesn't have an answer, not yet, but he's relying on instinct to guide him. "Are you asking me to?"

Her lips part and air rushes in swallowing the hesitation. Even if she did want to, she won't. It wouldn't be fair on him or their relationship and she shakes her head feeling moisture burn behind her gaze. "You why know I can't."

He does and it stabs through him like a dull blade, too blunt to cut but still painful. He doesn't want to lose her and throws out another option. "Come with me?"

It sounds flippant and she braces herself against the reality of what he's suggesting. If he really is serious she has no idea where to even start pulling apart the logistics. It's too much and she shakes her head.

"Hear me out." He stops her before she can completely dismiss the idea. He knows it's crazy. _Hell_ , the whole thing is making him start to question his sanity but he figures why not consider it a possibility. They're both grown adults. The only people they have to adhere to are themselves and who cares what anyone else thinks. "We're allowed to make our own rules, take things as slowly as we want and I hate being 'that guy' but I mean it when I say money isn't an issue here. We could start out with separate places, no obligation. Do it our way and make sure it's right for both of us."

She's touched by the offer, genuinely, and can't say she isn't swayed by what he's suggesting. An amazing guy presenting a once in a lifetime opportunity with no strings, who wouldn't be enticed? It could be the start of everything she's been missing and her heart skips, her pulse thudding loudly as he holds her gaze. There's nothing but sincerity and openness in his expression. No pressure just honesty. He wants to try and her thoughts automatically flood back to Harvey. This is what he can't give her, what he's incapable of, but can she really move to another country and leave him. What about her friends and family, the job she loves. Could she actually say goodbye to it all?

It scares her to think maybe she could.

Maybe Thomas is the risk the she's been waiting to take.


	8. Chapter 8: Last Beautiful Girl

_It won't be the first heart that you break._ _It won't be the last beautiful girl._

 **\- Matchbox 20, Last Beautiful Girl**

* * *

Harvey's hangs up the phone squeezing his eyes shut as the conversation with Henry replays in his head. The situation is a goddamn mess. Drake has taken off, the merger is in limbo and the older man is beside himself with hurt and humiliation. Jessica was right. No part of it feels like winning and he opens his eyes surprised to see a shadowy figure moving through the office.

He'd thought everyone had gone for night and tenses then relaxes -albeit only slightly- when Thomas Kessler appears in his doorway. It's the absolute last fucking thing he needs and he pushes out a gruff acknowledgement. "If you're looking for Donna she isn't here."

Thomas takes a deep breath acutely aware of the fact. She's right where he left her back in the apartment and he wrestles with himself not sure if coming here was the right decision. Judging by the lukewarm reception it's a bad time but makes no attempt to leave. "I know."

The blunt response drives Harvey's attention to the man's stern features and his brows furrow with confusion before shifting in concern. There's clearly something wrong and a swell of panic rises up in his chest. "What happened, is she okay?" It bounces off the tense silence and his anxiety takes over, "is she hurt? _What_ -""

"No." Thomas assures with a quick shake of his head, "no, it's nothing like that." He feels instantly bad for making him worry. It certainly wasn't his intention and he watches relief flood the lawyers expression before it quickly switches back to impatience. The frustration is coming off him in droves and Thomas shifts awkwardly. They hardly know each other but he's seen the way Harvey cares and right now Donna needs that whether she'll admit to it or not. "We broke up." He blurts out eyes drifting to the darkened horizon. It's just a city. A space with a name filled by people and sky-high buildings but he's going to miss it all the same.

Harvey sits back in his chair not sure what to say to the comment. Whether he should feign sympathy or show relief but there's obviously a reason Kessler is here and he cautiously decides against the latter "I'm sorry to hear that."

There's an air of sincerity but Thomas isn't sure he buys it. Not that he blames the man. He showed up unannounced with no plan, nothing to absorb the uncomfortable atmosphere and he steels himself throwing a fleeting glance back at Harvey. "I should go, this was a bad idea."

For a split second Harvey's almost tempted to let him leave but something, mainly his curiosity, sways the decision. " _Wait_." Thomas stops and he pushes up from the desk attempting a sort of peace offering. "Can't handle a little awkwardness?"

He smirks, adding to the tense vibe in the room. "Depends. You got any liquor?"

Harvey beckons him back in with a wave not opposed to the suggestion. _Shit_ it can't get any weirder and he grabs the half-empty bottle of Macallan plus two glass. He isn't going to pretend to be distraught over the news but his tone still holds a note of warning as he pours the drinks. "If you did anything to hurt her."

"Would I be here if I had?" He fires back, recalling their first real conversation at the bar and washing down his guilt with a sip of the amber liquid. It may have been his decision to go but she would never have let him turn down the opportunity just like he would never have pressured her to move with him. It had come to an amicable end but that doesn't mean they hadn't both been devastated by the result. "I've been offered a job in Beijing. We decided it was better to have a clean break rather than drag things out. I thought if you weren't too busy you might be able to go check up on her for me, make sure she's okay."

Harvey absorbs the request robotically, trying to stamp down the shred of sympathy he's starting to feel for the man. He looks genuinely crushed and now that he and Donna are over it's easier for him to relate. After all he knows exactly what it feels like to lose her and breathes a heavy sigh, "you really care about her."

It's an observation not a question but he answers anyway. "I've never met anyone like her."

Harvey agrees careful not to overstep any boundaries. They're never going to be friends but he finds himself raising his glass without an agenda. "Can't argue there." They cheers and he takes a drink regarding the man carefully. People don't become CEO's of high-end business without some form of risk taking and even though he loathes the idea of playing devil's advocate his curiosity trumps his ego. "So why not turn down the job?"

Thomas glances up surprised by the question. He'd gotten the sense Harvey was only supportive of the relationship around Donna and since asking her to go to Beijing he's starting to get the feeling there's a history that she and Harvey are too afraid to let go of. If circumstances were different it's something he might have pushed but he has no right to be threatened by it. Not anymore at least. "She knew how much work I'd put in. Even if it was my choice she never would have been okay with me passing up the position. I asked her to come with me but," he stops, pausing to look at Harvey, "I guess there's just too much keeping her here."

His stomach drops at the silent implication but he quickly brushes it off with a shrug. "Can't blame you for trying."

The speed at which Harvey finishes his drink doesn't go unnoticed by Thomas and he follows the trend, questions poised on the tip of his tongue. He's not shy of confrontation but he's wary for Donna's sake, though it doesn't stop him from prodding. "Can I ask you something?"

Harvey splashes more alcohol into his glass. "Why not, I mean you're already in my office drinking my Scotch."

It's fair and Thomas smirks ready to test how strong the lawyer's facade really is. From what he's heard on the grapevine it's almost impenetrable but that doesn't deter him. "Before Donna and I started dating the two of you were single you both work closes together, you're _obviously_ friends."

There's a finite pause and Harvey bristles at the insinuation. "That's wasn't a question."

"No it wasn't." He confirms downing the last of his own scotch. Maybe it's a little weird given how he feels about Donna but he genuinely wants to see her happy and he'd prefer that be with the devil he knows rather than the one he doesn't. "If it's not me it's going to be somebody else," he says cryptically, "just something to think about."

He drops his glass down on the desk waving off any more. "Thanks for the drink Harvey."

His footsteps pad the silence of Harvey's response until he manages to collect himself, calling out with a gruff voice. " _Thomas_." When the man stops he doesn't smile or act like its something it's not but he does manage a civil parting. "Good luck in Beijing."

He leaves without turning back and Harvey releases the breath he'd been holding but the relief is short-lived and swarmed by sudden guilt. He shouldn't be feeling a weight lift off his shoulders, not when the cost is Donna's happiness, and he swallows sharply forgoing the rest of his drink. Thomas turned out to be a decent guy after all. The least Harvey can do is make good on his request and he picks up his phone calling Ray, deciding the Carter's can wait till tomorrow.

He has something more important to do.

...

Half an hour later Harvey is stood outside Donna's apartment second guessing the wisdom of showing up unannounced but it is the night for it and he knocks lightly in case she's already asleep. When hears movement inside her apartment he stills, waiting patiently until he's sees her shadow playing under the door. He's an idiot. Of course she would assume it's Thomas and he runs his hand over the wooden frame biting the inside of his cheek. "Donna, it's me."

He hears the lock slide back and is relived until she appears in her pyjama's, the faint hint of wine clinging to them a sign she's been drinking. Still, it's not the alcohol that bothers him it's the raw redness around her eyes. She's been crying, a lot by the look of it, and he's almost ready to drive her to the airport himself. Anything to replace the hurt he can read in her expression.

"Harvey, what are you doing here?" She folds her arms over her chest trying to ward off the chill from the hall. He's the last person she was expecting to see and she runs a hand up through her hair trying to look more presentable.

He opens his mouth but promptly closes again, his focus still fixed on her sad eyes and rather than stand there surrounded by polite awkwardness he steps forward wrapping his arms around her. It takes a few seconds but she eventually relaxes and he gives her a tight squeeze before loosening the hold, reluctantly drawing back.

She quickly swipes her hand catching the escaped moisture clinging to her cheek. She knows he knows. He wouldn't be here otherwise but what she doesn't understand is how. She hasn't even told Rachael yet and folds her arms back around her midsection with a sigh. "Louis?"

It's a reasonable assumption and more plausible than what actually happened but Harvey shakes his head. "Thomas." He catches a flash of confusion in her gaze and furthers the explanation. "He came into the office... he was worried about you."

" _Jesus." S_ he expels a rush of air feeling her eyes sting again. Of course he did. Because he's too stupidly perfect for his own goddamn good. "What an asshole."

Harvey chuckles softly at the sarcasm knowing it's her way of dealing with everything. Hell, he'll take it over crying and when she motions for him to come inside he doesn't hesitate. No part of him wants to leave her alone right now and he takes off his jacket hanging it up as she closes the door. She's already three strides ahead by the time he has his sleeves rolled and he follows her into the kitchen watching her pour another wine.

"I'm sorry Donna."

And he is.

He hates seeing her like this but she shrugs off the sympathy with indifference.

"Could be worse-" she huffs going in search of another glass, "at least he didn't turn out to be a murderer."

"There's that." A smirk tugs on the corners of his mouth as he watches her riling through the cupboards. "I can still beat him up though, if you want?"

She pauses, a barely there smile covering the dull ache in her chest. No matter how things turned out she was right to trust her instincts and she finds what she's looking for moving back to where Harvey is standing. She still can't believe Thomas went to see him and even though she knows better than to ask the words slip out anyway. "He really showed up at the firm?"

He nods watching her pour the remainder of the wine into the second glass. "It seemed like a spur of the moment thing."

She slides him the drink and picks up her own swirling around the red liquid. She was right. Talking about it is only prolonging the inevitable but she isn't ready to let get, not yet. "Awkward?"

"Like you wouldn't believe." He doesn't know if the honesty is helping because he's shit at comforting people. That's why he doesn't do this but when her gaze drops to the floor he resolves to try harder. She isn't just anyone. With her it's different and he takes a large sip of wine preparing himself for the next question.

"How was he?" She glances back up not sure she wants to know but forcing herself to listen. She needs the closure and leans back closing her eyes with a soft sigh.

Harvey tries to be gentle with the answer but there's no delicate way to put it and sticks to the truth hoping it's what she wants to hear. "He was crushed Donna." She flinches as the words leave his mouth and he swallows roughly, "but for what's it worth he knew it was the right thing to do."

The right thing.

It sings like a constantine in her head playing out of sync with her feelings. They chose to what was sensible but they didn't have to and she glances at Harvey looking for his honest opinion. "Is that what you think?"

He opens his mouth before the thought properly formulates and suddenly realises he doesn't have a clue how in the hell to answer. Thomas reasons for taking the job seemed valid and even just the thought of her leaving makes him want to drop to his knees. Not to mention they'd only been seeing each other a couple of months but no matter what his personal option is, it's not his call to make and he gapes trying to come up with something that sounds reasonable. "I think... that it's complicated."

She blinks stoically wondering if he could possibly be anymore vague.

"That's _bullshit_ ," she snaps, knowing it isn't fair to take out her frustration on him but she does anyway splashing her wine as she brushes passed him.

He doesn't know what to do with the anger and lets out out heavy sigh. It's the same wall he always finds himself up against. The one which prevents him from connecting with people because he can't admit the truth he steels himself downing half of his drink before chasing after her. "You _really_ want to know what I think?"

She flops down on the sofa with an errant wave of her hand, "yes I do Harvey, that's why I asked."

"Fine. I think leaving with him would have been a mistake. I think if he'd stayed you both would have regretted it and I think as much as it hurts like hell right now that you made the right choice. So go on, tell me why I'm wrong? List the hundred and one reasons why you think you should throw away your life here for a guy you hardly know?" He stills expecting some sort of cataclysmic reaction but there isn't one. She doesn't breathe a word in response and he moves slowly, dropping to the space beside her and rubbing a tired hand across his forehead.

He isn't done yet. He's barely made a dent in the wall and his expression softens as he tries to find another way around. "I think you have good instincts," he says glancing across at her, "I think you know most people better than they know themselves and I think there's a reason you let Thomas walk out that door but whether it was the right thing, I can't answer that Donna."

The conviction of his tone washes over her and she's floored by the response. She's half expecting him to make an excuse to up and leave but he doesn't. Instead he sits patiently, giving her the time she needs, and for a moment the gesture covers the ache that's been residing in her chest. "Thank you Harvey."

He's surprised by the gratitude and frowns. "For what?"

"Being here." She says honestly before her mouth twitches with a smirk, "and for not totally sucking at the whole comfort thing."

He lets out a low chuckle in spite of himself. "Well, don't get used to it. You've officially used up your quota for the year." He watches her smile draining the last of her wine and remembers his own is still in the kitchen but he makes no move to get it. He should. It might help with his anxiety, numb the vulnerability he's feeling, but he wants to do this on his own. He wants to prove to himself that he can be here for her no matter how uncomfortable it makes him. "Do you love him?"

The question comes left of field and she has no idea what's prompting his forwardness but she asked him to be honest and she's grateful. In a way talking about it is helping and she considers it not even sure she knows what the concept means anymore. "You remember when we were shopping for Louis, you asked me if I could see myself with a family and kids?" He nods sharply, mastering a blank expression and she breathes a sigh out into the air, "I think maybe one day we could have had that."

Even though he asked he doesn't know what to do with the response and clasps his hands together aiming for another simple truth. "I know it's selfish," he admits swallowing his discomfort, "but I'm really glad you're not leaving."

His inability to meet her gaze speaks to his sincerity and it does help. It a reminder of why she chose to stay because her dream life with Thomas may have sounded perfect on paper but what she has here in New York is real. Being COO of a law firm, becoming a god-mother, knowing she's just a few hours from Mike and Rachael is all irreplaceable. She _wants_ to be here and reaches out giving his arm a light squeeze. "It's getting late, you wanna crash here tonight?"

He notes the empty wine glass in her hand and nods feeling physically and emotionally drained from all the admissions but for once he's tired of running. He wants to stay and appreciate the fact she isn't going anywhere and he exhales slowly, "yeah actually, you mind?"

"I'll get some blankets."

Her smile washes over him and he watches her disappear reaching down to take off his shoes. The wall he's facing might be goddamn unbreakable but that doesn't mean he's giving up.

He just has to find a way around it.


	9. Chapter 9: 3am

_When she says baby, well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes_ _and_ _the rain's gonna wash away, I believe this_.

 _ **\- Matchbox 20, 3am**_

* * *

Samantha Wheeler, renowned lawyer -effortless style- and exceptional at manipulating people, slams her shot down on the bar pulling her face into a tight wince as she blindly grabs her purse. "That's it, I'm out." They've been at this for hours now, bar hoping from one seedy joint to the next and she's filled her quota of drinks to erase the shitty day from her memory.

"Out? What do you mean _out_?" Harvey protests holding up his Slippery Nipple. "We're commiserating, that means we stay and get shit-faced together." He has to yell to be heard over the drum and base beat in the background, "never pegged you as a quitter."

"Watch it pretty boy." She throws back, lifting her heel off the sticky, grime covered floor. As fun as its been to cut loose with the team of lawyers (and Donna) she has a reputation to uphold and staying out until one in the morning is commiseration enough. "You need that beauty sleep more than I do."

Donna cracks a laugh beside him and he dramatically rolls his eyes. Not only has the nickname stuck it's spreading like wildfire and when Alex opens his mouth Harvey shoots him a glare. "Say anything and you're fired."

He downs his shot and Alex holds up his hands in mock defence, deflecting away the attention as Donna orders another round.

She's not quite hammered but is getting close toasting to misfortune with the rest of them. Except Alex who is a self-proclaimed ring in. His margins are up by ten percent, he stopped a case going to trail and if that isn't bad enough he landed them a new client today. He's been the embodiment of good luck this week and she takes his shot back keeping it for herself. "You're out too Williams, your life doesn't suck enough."

A grin turns his mouth taking it as a compliment. She's right. He's going into Friday with a string of wins under his belt but he can't help feeling sympathy for his comrades. The alcohol is only going to fuel their misery tomorrow and he winces watching them each take another shot. "You guys might want to think about slowing down." He shouts over the music but Harvey quickly waves him off.

"Party's just getting started." He glances at Donna who entertains the comment with a burst of laughter. They're drunk, so what? All week he's been trying to get a smile out of her and if this is what it takes, one night of cheap drinks and shitty music, he's in for the long haul.

Samantha pulls a fifty from her purse eyes gleaming mischievously as she slips it across to the bartender. "Keep 'em coming."

" _Ah-_ " Harvey spins on the bar stool pointing a finger at her, "you think that's funny but you forget, Donna and I know how to drink."

She smirks, willing to bet he doesn't feel that way in the morning. "I'm counting on it."

She winks and Alex throws a half-salute jumping on the back of her exit and pushing through the noisy club scene. It isn't until they hit the street outside that a small seed of culpability plants itself in his consciousnesses and he stops between the entrance and the curb. "You sure we should leave them?"

Samantha doesn't have the same hesitation, sticking her arm out to hail a cab. "That's not something you want to get in the middle of, trust me." There's no malice or bitchiness behind the remark. Harvey and Donna's dynamic is an asset to the firm, not a threat, and the whole will they/won't they/just-fuck-already vibe is compelling to say the least.

The fleeting sense of responsibly morphs into a smirk and he moves to where she's standing. Rumours about the pair have been circling for years and even though he's now inside the firm's family circle he still has no idea what the deal is between the two of them. Usually he just keeps his mouth shut but curiosity pushes him to be a little bit more brazen. "You think there's something going on?" He asks with a shrug," I mean... we'd have to know if they _were_ -"

"Banging?" She quips, throwing her arm out again. "New York's finest closer and Demi Moore 'single tear' Paulsen. _Please_. They could be married with three kids and we wouldn't know."

He snorts at the insinuation but she isn't wrong. They might be a family but at the end of the day they're also lawyers. Manipulation is where their careers started and he brings his hand to his mouth whistling the next cab. Its wheels screech coming to a stop and he motions for Samantha to take it. "I'll get the next one."

She nods her thanks climbing into the warmth of the car.

Whether Harvey and Donna have actually slept together is anyone's guess but one things for certain, she knows better than to listen to gossip.

Why would she when she gets the show for free?

...

"No he didn't!"

Donna's laughter echoes in the street and Harvey defends himself trying to contain his building amusement. "I swear to you! In court, in front of _everyone. S_ he told him to do it."

Her eyes gleam as they clamber over the gutter up onto the sidewalk. There's been construction down her road for the past week and her hands bunch around his arm to steady herself. They only stayed another hour but it was enough to get her buzzed and she shakes her head at the elaborate story he's been telling. "I still don't believe a judge would ever say that."

"I give you the Harvey Specter 'word is my my bond' pledge, I am telling the truth." He throws two fingers across his chest finding his footing on the uneven pavement. He can't even remember what prompted the story but it's carried them from where the cab pulled up and he presents her apartment with with a wide grin. "Didn't I say I'd get you home safe."

"Very chivalrous of you. " She rolls her eyes, wobbling on her heels as she moves to enter her code. He doesn't follow, just stands expectantly, and she frowns until she remembers the suit jacket sat snugly around her shoulders. She really ought to give it back but makes no attempt, shrugging and pinning him with a mischievous smirk. "Nightcap?"

He shouldn't but screw it. Any chance of getting home at a reasonable time died hours ago and he uses the banister to pull himself up the stairs. "You miss Paulsen, are trouble."

"And _you_ Mr. Specter need to learn how to say no to women." She clicks open the door with a wicked smile, the heat from the lobby tingling her skin as they step inside. Fall is definitely over and she ushers him through musing that in another few weeks she'll be coming home to sprigs of holly and a warm glow of lights. She loves the holiday season almost as much as Halloween and this year they'll be celebrating with a tiny new addition to world. It makes her sigh wistfully, catching Harvey's arm and dragging him passed the set of stairs leading up to her apartment. "These shoes are not doing _that_ after this much tequila."

He lets out a throaty chuck as he's led to the elevator switching to support her as leans in to press the button. When she swings back her eyes are dancing with curious amusement, a look excitement passing over her rosy cheeks and he can't help being pulled in by her enthusiasm. "Okay, _what_?"

"Baby names." She challenges, daring him to reveal the name he picked in the pool. So far he's remained tight-lipped but she can tell he's about to cave and grins triumphantly.

The elevator arrives with a ping and he releases her, holding the doors open. Once inside he presses the number two finally conceding "Fifty for Reginald."

"Reginald, as in your middle name?" A laugh puffs in her chest at the size of his ego and she leans back against the carriage wall shaking her head. She can only image what he picked out for a girl.

"Roberta." He winks watching her cheeks turn a deeper shade of red. They _are_ going to be the kids godparents, why not assume Louis might use one of their names?

They arrive at the second level and he holds the doors again, following her out and down the hall to her apartment. When they reach the gold emblazed numbers she's still struggling with her purse and he sidles up next to her with a smug look. "Need help?"

"Bite me Specter." She throws back, dragging her keys out and stabbing them unsuccessfully at the lock. Right now water would be a preference to alcohol and when she finally gets the alignment right she proudly remembers to jerk up and push instead of turning.

He may be a little drunk but he's fairly certain he's never seen her do that before and scrutinises the way she jiggles the metal ring back out. "Ah, Donna? That's not how keys work."

"No shit." Her tone is laced with sarcasm as she pulls him inside. "I called the superintendent, apparently it isn't a 'priority'." She uses air quotation marks to denote the point, throwing her purse on the counter and shrugging off his jacket tossing it over the back of the sofa.

He follows behind her ignoring the placement of his favourite threads as he joins her in the kitchen. "So your lock's broken?"

"Uh huh."

She turns on the faucet pouring them both a glass of water and he rolls his eye's at the quick dismissal. They live in Manhattan for Christ's sake, not bloody Idaho. "First thing tomorrow I'm calling him for you. "

She hands him the drink taking a sip of her own. "No you're _not_." He looks ready to argue and she sets her glass down turning her back to him. "I happened to like living here. I don't need you going all hulk and getting me kicked out." She drags her hand along the top line of cabinets until she reaches the shelf housing the alcohol and pulls down two bottles one containing scotch and the other amaretto.

He watches her find glasses his lips thinning in protest. "I wouldn't-"

"David Fox." She reminds him, haphazardly splashing the liquid so there's a two-ish part whatever shot in each. The concern is sweet but entirely unnecessary and she hands him one of the mixes with tapered amusement. "It still shuts and I have a locked door downstairs. I'll be fine."

The fact it's a secure building is somewhat of a reassurance and switches out the glass in his hand in favour of the alcohol. He still doesn't like it but bites back lecture poised on the tip of his tongue swallowing the irritating niggle. " _So_ ," he reluctantly changes the subject, " what name did you go for?"

"Roberta."

She winks, sashaying passed him with a grin and his deep throaty laugh washes over her as they relocate to the lounge. Once settled she can't help noticing how relaxed he looks; sans jacket, no tie and the hint of a five o'clock shadow grazing his jaw. Despite his case load he's been carrying an air of lightness around with him this week or in the very least she's noticed the difference. Louis would still insist he's been acting like a bear but she's been treated to surprise coffees, baked goods and friendly afternoon check-ins all in an attempt to cheer her up. The effort hasn't gone unnoticed and she smiles gently at the view across from her.

He catches her staring out of his peripheral and his gaze settles on the soft curve of her lips. "Something you want to share?"

His eyes are teasing she flushes dipping her head. "I don't know, you just seem... happy I guess." She looks up with a sheepish expression. "It suits you."

"That would be the tequila," he shoots back hoping she doesn't catch the lie. Truth is, he's glad Thomas is out of the picture and knows that isn't fair. She deserves happiness more than he does but he's still relieved they broke up and hates himself for being so selfish. "You doing okay?" He asks seriously, forcing down his guilt with a sip of the ridiculously sweet concoction she mixed up.

It would be leading except for that fact it isn't. Harvey Specter doesn't do subtle and she bites the inside of her cheek thinking about Thomas. A clean break is exactly what they needed. No reminders, just endless hours of work and nights like these to keep her from obsessing about it. "I've decided to buy a cat, maybe twelve. Fully embrace the spinster life, you know?"

He chuckles softly at the idea. "I don't think you're quite there yet." 'Plenty of fish in the sea' is on the tip of his tongue but the jarring reality hits him before the words spill out.

 _If it's not me it's going to be somebody else._

The alcohol soaked memory of Thomas leaving fuels a tightness in his chest, the involuntary reaction spreading throughout his body. It bothers him and now he knows why Thomas, Mitchell, Stephen and even Mark never warranted any attention except for discontent. Deep down he's always known. He just refused to let himself see it and he glances up with the burning need to say something but his thoughts hit the silence as still air.

She waits for him to speak but he closes his mouth again and she regards his slack jaw with confusion, angling her elbow against the back of the sofa and using her palm as a cushion. There was a time she thought she could read him like an open book, and in some ways she can, but there's a gap she's never been able to connect and she exhales with a slow sigh, "that's happening in that head of yours pretty boy?"

The nickname draws his lips into an impulsive smirk. She really has no idea and he wrestles with the honesty warring inside him.

"You-" he finally admits swirling his glass, " _me.._. us." It doesn't reveal the whole truth and he takes a sip wincing as it slides painfully down his throat. "Everyone else seems to get it right and we just keep getting it wrong."

The nature of the comment is illusive but it hits hard, reaching into a place that she thought she'd let go of.

She _has_ let go of.

That's what she tries to tell herself as his stare permeates her rationality. For once the reckless abandonment in his eyes shows no sign of defences. Its all there including the _more_ she's always questioned and her stomach drops like an anvil as he places his glass down on the coffee table.

"Donna, _I_ -"

The shrill sound of both phones going off in unison slices through the air and _Jesus Christ,_ he's ready to kill whoever it is, but Donna's short gasp tempers the anger. She already has her phone in hand and he reaches for his own swiping the message across his screen.

 **Sheila is labour!** **P.s. ohgodohgodohgod! - L**

The news jolts through him sidelining anything else he'd been about to say. All he can comprehend is, _holy_ _shit_ Louis is about to become a father. "Holy shit." He exclaims the thought, catching Donna's wide grin and they both push up at the same time. "I'll ring Ray."

"I'll text Alex and Samantha." She multitasks grabbing her keys and purse while he makes the call, forcing whatever he'd been about to admit to the back of her mind. They need be a united front for Louis and slip into the synchrony with ease, her arms sliding into jacket he's holding while he informs Ray about the road works concealing the entrance to her street.

They're out the door five minutes later and in the car by fifteen but the drive to hospital is excruciating slow, the traffic surprising given it's the middle of the night. When they finally arrive the birth is steamrolling ahead and they're directed to the waiting room. Something Harvey is grateful for when Louis' appears with a look of sheer panic stretching across his face. Donna manages to calm his nerves and from then on they alternate the responsibility whenever Sheila's kicks him out.

Eventually a full two hours pass without any sign of the expectant father and Harvey assumes it's a good thing, glancing down at the women asleep on his shoulder with a sigh. They've made the best out of the seating arrangements finding a secluded spot in the corner and his impatience flutters with amusement at the sound of her soft snoring.

Donna Paulsen doesn't snore.

That's what she told him after the 'other time' and she's defended it to the death ever since but unlike before his interest in watching her now is vastly different from what is was back then. He wants to remember the look of ease softening her features, the complete trust as her head lolls against his shoulder and his fingers twitch with the desire to reach out and make her more comfortable.

This is what he wants.

The realisation hits him with full force, the notion spreading with clarity. He wants to keep her safe, protect her at all costs and make sure stays how she is now; content and at happy without a single care in the world.

In an expected flurry of bad timing the doors suddenly burst open and his head snaps up to an exhausted but beaming Louis. The excitement is catching as it washes over him and he nudges Donna awake , standing with an extension of his arm. "Congratulations Louis."

"It's a boy, eighteen inches and nine pounds." Louis ignores the handshake pulling Harvey into a crushing hug which he's surprisingly receptive to and after giving Donna the same treatment he steps back struggling with words to express his emotions. The last few hours have been a chaotic nightmare be he did it. _Sheila_ did it and now they have the perfect reward as a result. "Thank you guys-" he shakes his head feeling the rush of adrenaline right down to his fingertips, "I don't even know what to _say_ -."

"You don't have to say anything." Donna assures with a warm smile, "we wouldn't have missed this."

He nods his gratitude suddenly remembering the phone wedged in his hoodie. He took pictures and he fumbles with the device trying to keep his hands from shaking. "They're not letting in visitors yet... but meet Jackson Daniel Litt."

"Louis, he's perfect." Donna's gaze washes over the little round bundle immediately spotting the similarities between father and son. The resemblance is striking and she's about to pay him the compliment when Harvey suddenly jumps in.

"Well, he's definitely yours." He quips, wincing when Donna slaps his arm.

Louis doesn't even notice the jibe still caught up in the rush as he swipes through the pictures. "I think he has my great aunt Hillary's nose. Definitely my ears but he screams like Sheila. Oh and there's definitely some uncle Donald too, look you can see here-"

Harvey chuckles as the ramble continues but he's distracted by a murmur of activity breaking out behind the new father. Further down, near where the emergency entrance is, he watches a gurney being wheeled through and he's about to dismiss it when a flash of jet back hair and chiseled jawline leaves a haunting imprint.

Something isn't right and he reaches out patting Louis on the shoulder, "excuse me one second." He doesn't answer the questioning look he feels Donna throw his way. Instead his feet kick towards the paramedics and once he's within a couple of feet he realises why he was drawn to the chaos. "What the hell happened?"

The ambulance officer holding the doors snaps her head towards his approach. "Do you know this man Sir?"

Harvey digs into pocket pulling out his wallet and finding a business card. "I'm a lawyer and that's one of my clients."

She releases the gate letting it swing closed to check his credentials. "Car accident-" she supplies handing the card back, "he has a collapsed lung, multiple internal injuries and a contusion to the head. I'm sorry Mr Specter but if you know of any family I suggest you give them a call."

He's frozen in place as the bloody body is wheeled from his sight and it isn't until Donna appears beside him that he snaps out of the shock. When she asks what's wrong prompting him for a second time, he swallows sharply.

"That was Drake Carter."

* * *

 **AN: Was it really an accident? The plot thickens ;) xx**


	10. Chapter 10: If You're Gone

_I think I could need this in my life_ _and I think I'm scared, I think too much_. _I know it's wrong, it's a problem I'm dealing if you're gone._

 **\- Matchbox 20, If You're Gone**

* * *

Donna knocks on the glass door to Harvey's office, hesitation stalling her as she waits for an acknowledgement to enter. They're both exhausted but Harvey came out of the night far worse off. He'd stayed at the hospital waiting for Henry to show up and god knows how long he'd spent there afterwards, giving what little comfort he could and trying to find out how much extensive damage was done. She'd at least managed to go home and get a couple of hours sleep but she still fights a yawn as he glances up with nod.

She pushes forward on the door entering with a sympathetic smile. "How you holding up?"

He shakes his head, the answer rhetorical as he leans back in his chair meeting with a view of the overcast sky outside. The forecast predicted storms and if it wasn't for Louis now being on paternity leave he might have actually conceded and taken his first day off in years. As it stands he's only tackling urgent queries and his gaze drifts back to her pale features. She looks almost as bad as he feels but he refrains from making the comment worried it might sound offensive. "You should take the afternoon, go home and get some rest," he instructs scrubbing a hand over his rough stubble. He should really do the same, at least shave, but for once vanity is the last thing on his mind.

"I will, soon." She agrees moving into the seat opposite his desk. With all the chaos going on she isn't surprised he's forgotten about their client drinks and she crosses her legs affording him a gentle reminder. "I just wanted to let you know that everything is set for tonight. The final list is sixty in attendance and Louis said he'll be able to pop in and make a quick appearance."

 _Shit_.

He'd completely spaced about the event and pinches the bridge of his nose grateful for her diligence. It's not something they can exactly cancel. The whole point of putting it on is to assure people there won't be any ball-dropping with Louis away and he flinches realising his Armani is still at the dry cleaners waiting to be picked up. "I need to get-"

"Already done." She smiles, preempting he would ask about the tux. "I sent Cameron out about an hour ago and told him to drop off the Clarkson papers on his way. Then when he gets back I suggested he forward the rest of your calls to Samantha or Alex, whoever is available first." Despite the wording it wasn't a suggestion and she clasps her hands together with a raised eyebrow, "I know, you don't like the idea but you need to get some sleep before tonight."

He's too tired to even feign surprise at the level she's operating on. It's beyond his comprehension but before he can thank her the curve slips from her mouth and his shoulders tense in response.

"There is one other thing. Barnaby from H&B Carter called, he said given the circumstances he'll be the only one in attendance tonight." She hesitates, knowing anything to do with the Carter's is a potential minefield but wanting to show her support regardless. "Has there been any word on Drake?"

Harvey stiffens at the mere mention of the man's name. There's no way he could've foreseen the accident but Henry's grief was heart breaking to watch and he feels responsible for creating a rift between the two men. "Still in a coma," he answers gruffly, "the doctors said it will be a few days before they know anything."

"I know you don't like him-"

"The guys a piece of shit Donna." He interjects sourly. After the phone calls and threats he received 'not liking' would be an understatement.

She catches the flash of anger in his gaze and holds up a hand in defense. "I was just going to say that I'm sure Henry appreciates your support and if you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen."

He instantly feels like a jerk for snapping, an apology riding on the tip of his tongue but he swallows it scared more will inadvertently spill out. He wants to talk about what happened, what he was about to say ti her before Sheila went into labour, but the hangover from hell is a far cry from the bravado alcohol gave him. Instead his thoughts are tangled in a web of anxiety and he flexes his fingers trying to shake out the adrenaline. "Donna, about last night..."

She can hear the change his tone and the softer note immediately puts her on edge. Since sobering up she's avoided thinking about it. They're in a good place now and this is what they both want. There's no sense ruining the past several months because of one drunken slip up. "Harvey it's okay, we don't have to do this."

"Do what?" He asks genuinely confused. She doesn't look angry, just resigned and in some ways that's worse than the reaction he was expecting.

"Talk about it." She chooses her words carefully keeping them light and reassuring, "nothing happened we don't need to turn it into some big thing."

The dismal stabs sharply through his chest catching him off guard. He never thought he'd be the one in this position and the irony that he has no idea what to do or say isn't lost on him. "Right." His throat is dry like the Sahara desert and he tries swallowing the discomfort to little avail. If she notices the reaction her expression remains impassive to it and he quickly shakes himself free of the hold. "So we just move passed it."

"That's how this works isn't it." There's no malice or judgement and it isn't a question. She doesn't see the point in complicating it and pushes up from the chair with a delicate smile. "I'll organise some flowers for Henry then I'm going to take off, unless you need me to do anything else?"

He shakes his head because there isn't anything else left he can say. The words are bricked up behind that goddamn wall of fear and regret, the one that's closing in rapidly and he doesn't make any attempt to stop her from leaving. God only knows how he's managed to fuck this up so badly but he has and he smothers his face with a frustrated sigh. Maybe he hadn't been ready before but Louis was right. He should of tried instead of being such a fucking coward.

A roar of thunder claps around the office and his gaze snaps up zeroing in on Cameron who's back awkwardly trying to find a place for his zipped up tuxedo. The task Donna assigned him. It's the smallest of things but he can't get over it and when he catches a flash of red departing it takes him far too long to realise what he _should_ be doing.

Fuck it.

He pushes up from his desk waving off whatever Cameron is trying to say as he breaks into a slow jog.

 _Shit_.

He misses the closing door by a heartbeat and slams the button, his pulse thudding as the car opposite him arrives with a ding. He has absolutely no idea what he's doing, too exhausted to rationalize it, but he steps inside rocking awkwardly on the balls of his feet.

The ride down takes forever and he glares at everyone who enters pushing his way through once they reach thr ground. The lobby is unusually quiet save for the irritated voices behind him and his eyes scan the area, his heart leaping into his throat at the emptiness.

He can't be too late and picks up speed as he clears security throwing himself into the revolving door. A flash of lightening illuminates the street as he swings out into the rain spotting her about to get into a cab. He calls out to stop her, his breath falling heavily as he runs to catch up with her.

"Harvey, what _the_ -"

"I don't want to move passed it." He holds her gaze with a deadpan expression, "I don't want to keep getting this wrong and I know that after everything I have no right to say it but I do, I want more." The words break free with another roar of thunder and he stands in front of her wearing the vulnerability so he can face her reaction. "I was wrong, I don't have everything I was just too much of an idiot to realise it."

She's shocked into silence, frozen in place as she blinks the rain out of her eyes watching him do the same. She can't process what he's saying or the desperation in his gaze until the cab driver speaks reminding her to breathe again.

"Excuse me miss, in or out?"

She glances back at Harvey feeling her world tilt on its axes. " _I_ -"

"Donna, _please._ "

She stares back at him feeling the blood rush to ears but instead of feeling elated, anger floods her body. He _doesn't_ have the right. After everything she went through, all the doubt and uncertainty, convincing herself that he would never feel the same... he has no fucking right to stand there and say it now. Her hand slams the car door closed and she barrels forward stepping up onto the curve to face him. " _What_ , Harvey?" She snaps, her tone accusing as pushes his chest, "what can you possibly say to back all the ways we hurt each other because I for once can't think of a _single_ -"

He steals the protest from her mouth with a bruising kiss, his mouth clamping over the wetness of her lips as he drags them together in the rain. He doesn't care about the raging storm. Even as the sky opens up all he can feel is the warmth of her skin body pressed flush against his chest. He can barely comprehend it, they way her fist balls his shirt with the same need.

Above them lightning strikes again moving in closer and he feels a strange sensation rush through his veins, almost like he's slipping. He doesn't want to give in to it but another clap of thunder shakes the ground and his eyes snap open forcefully.

...

His head shoots up from his desk the echo of the storm loud in the silence of his office and it takes him several seconds to get his bearings. He should be wet but his clothes are bone dry and he suddenly realises he was dreaming. He must have fallen asleep after Donna left and his gaze darts to where Cameron is fussing with his tuxedo, trying to find space for it on the desk.

His finger instantly flies to the intercom. "Cameron, is Donna still here?"

The young secretary shakes his head and he removes his hand from the buzzer raking it back over his exhausted features.

Shit.

Shit, shit, _shit_.

An ache spreads throughout his chest and he turns toward the rain hitting the floor to ceiling windows. It had felt so real, _too_ real, and he reaches for the phone on his desk contemplating calling her but he stops himself. What he needs to do is go home and get some sleep. He'll be able to talk to her at the drinks later tonight and he shuts down his laptop resolving to make good on the promise.

It's time to come clean about how he really feels.

* * *

 **AN: If the show can throw in a dream sequence I can too :P Also for some reason I haven't filled out the next chapter like I did with the rest so it might take a little longer to post but I'll try my best to get it up in a couple of days :)**


	11. Chapter 11: Shame

_What we learnt here is love tastes bitter when it's gone._

 **\- Matchbox 20, Shame**

* * *

Harvey downs another champagne placing it on the tray of an ambling waiter as his eyes wash over the crowd. The venue Donna chose is an auditorium on the top level of a hotel complex, brightly lit and lots of open space which is filled to capacity with clients milling about enjoying drinks and canapes.

It's a good turn out, thanks to the COO's tenacity, and his gaze switches to the spectacular view of the city. It's a sight to be marvelled at but the darkness is a reminder of his exhaustion. He managed to get a few hours sleep, showered and is freshly shaven but the last hour has been draining and he can feel the alcohol starting to go to his head as he spots Barnaby Joice across the floor. It's the very last conversation he wants to engage but it's a necessity and his feet drive him forward, a sympathetic smile leading the way.

"Mr. Joice," he greets extending his arm, "I'm sorry to hear about Drake, has there been any word?"

Barnaby shakes his hand with a firm grasp, a look of regret spilling over his features. "No, nothing yet... and please it's Barnaby." He asserts the insistence politely raking his eyes over the lawyer. They're similar in age and build, even their choice in tuxedos, but Harvey stands slightly taller and he squares his shoulders ever so slightly. "I know we aren't here to talk about work-"

"That's exactly why we're here." Harvey assures acting as the ever consummate professional, "what's on your mind?"

Barnaby takes a sip of his drink noting the empty hand opposite him with interest. "Henry wanted me to let you know he plans to go ahead with the handover but I'll be taking on all of Drakes responsibilities. I expect he'll be in touch with you early next week to make the arrangements."

Harvey can't say he isn't relieved. The circumstances aren't ideal but it's the direction he'd hoped the business would decide to take. "For what it's worth, I think given everything that's a wise decision."

"Thank you Harvey." He catches the eye of a waiter passing by and an awry smile curves his mouth, "excuse me for just one moment."

Harvey nods watching him take two languid steps towards the man severing alcohol and checks his watch wondering about Louis. The man should be making an appearance any moment and he glances up observing a brief conversation between Barnaby and the waiter before the acting director returns offering him the glass.

"It wouldn't be right to toast," he says quickly, "but maybe this could be for Mr. Litt, to fatherhood and new beginnings."

Harvey takes the drink and indulges him though he avoids taking a sip. He wants to have a clear head when he eventually finds Donna and, as if on cue, a flash of red catches his attention. Like him she's managed to appear fresh and smiling and his gaze travels over the length of her dress, the outfit stirring nerves in the pit of his stomach.

"I should leave you to mingle."

Barnaby interrupts the flutter and heat spreads across the base of his neck as he shakes the man's hand again. "Tell Henry if there's anything he needs to give me a call." They exchange a polite goodbye and Harvey straightens, inhaling sharply as he catches Donna's gaze. She really does look breathtaking and he exhales slowly, forcing a natural smile as he pads his way over to her. "Aren't you a sight for sore eyes."

She bites her lip suppressing a grin as her hand lifts to pick a spec of lint from his jacket. "You don't scrub up too badly yourself, handsome."

His chest puffs at the compliment deciding he'll take it over 'pretty' any day. "Seen Louis yet?" He asks, keeping the conversation light. Alex and Samantha are both doing the rounds, Brian's with Katrina working the room and he figures once the managing partner shows up it might afford them some time to have a more private conversation.

"He'll be about twenty minutes." She readjusts the clutch in her hand expecting another message from Louis any minute. The memory bank on her sim is nearly at full capacity from all the pictures he's been sending but she can hardly blame him. Jackson Litt is a little heart-breaker and when she feels her purse vibrate again she smirks. "You know we're going to have to confiscate his phone right?"

"You too?" He raises a pointed eyebrow, "I got thirty just on the way here, figured he had my number confused with his mother's or something."

"This is Louis we're talking about." She matches his expression lifting her gaze up over his shoulder to where Samantha is beckoning. The man she's standing with is easily recognisable she and pushes a fake smile, exhaling low enough so only Harvey can hear her. " _Jesus_..."

He turns feigning the same pleasantry as he catches the eye of Gerard 'Bull' Bogart. The boisterous cowboy from Texas is completely harmless but entirely overbearing and unfortunately the man has a soft spot for the firm's COO. "Here, take this-" he offers her the stem of his champagne glass, "looks like you need it more than I do."

She doesn't argue shielding herself enough to down its entire content. " _Thanks_..." she pushes it back at him, squaring herself and putting on her best million dollar smile as she sashay's toward Bull and Samantha.

The confident strut makes Harvey go weak at the knees and he has to stop himself from staring feeling hot under the collar for a second time in as many minutes. He'd like nothing more than to drag her away from the awkward conversation but he resists the urge deciding he needs a quick breather instead.

...

He takes the lift down to the ground floor and steps out nodding politely at the concierge. He's lanky looking, wearing the worst tie Harvey's ever seen and the kid instantly reminds him of Mike back in the early days.

Not that Mike ever really grew out of his terrible fashion sense.

The thought makes him smirk and he doesn't know if it's the alcohol or nerves -something he's becoming uncharacteristically used to- but he has an urge to call his old partner and pulls out his phone swiping the screen as he exits into the cool air. It's stopped raining but the ground is still slick with moisture and he breathes in the fresh smell taking shelter under the awning.

The call goes to voicemail twice and on the third unsuccessful attempt his voice is laced with sarcasm, "you do realise these are still working hours, figures you'd be slacking off. Anyway don't bother calling back. I'll find someone who has the time..." he hangs up, mouth curving with a trademark grin. The banter is how they operate and he'll most likely receive an equally charming message back at some point during the night.

Glancing up, he takes stock of the moment relishing in the peace and quiet until his phone vibrates.

He assumes it's Mike calling straight back.

It isn't.

It's Donna and he swipes the message with a confused frown.

 **We've got a problem. Meet me downstairs in the Lobby ASAP.**

Of course they do.

Because he can't get five minutes alone without _something_ going wrong, and he shoots a text back telling her he's on his way.

The concierge is nowhere to be seen as he steps into the empty foyer and he calls out scanning the hall. There's a room up ahead and slightly to the left with its door ajar and figuring it's just like Donna to be dramatic he walks over to it pressing his hand to the knob and pushing his way into the darkness.

"Donna, _what_ -"

He feels a sharp pain connect with his head and stumbles as the lights turn on blinding his vision. On instinct his fingers lift to the wet stickiness congealing at his hairline and he blinks back a rush of double vision pulling focus on the man staggering in front of him.

"I imagine you're feeling a little groggy right now. No need to panic Harvey, here, let me help you-"

"Get away from _me_ ," Harvey barks, shoving the assailant back and breathing heavily as he comes face to face with Barnaby Joice.

The man startles at the clear coherent yelling and he backs off lowering the pot in his hand. "No... it isn't supposed to happen like this." He'd timed everything perfectly. The drugs in the champagne, the room the waiter had said he could use to take a personal call, the 'emergency' the concierge had left to attend to.

He'd had a goddamn plan.

Harvey watches the confusion spread across Barnaby's expression and presses a hand to the dull throb in his temple trying to piece together what the hell is going on. They're in a boardroom of sorts, a large desk taking up the majority of the space and he winces at the lights gleaming overhead.

Donna was the one messaging him, she should be here. The thought circles until his gaze is drawn to the familiar device in Barnaby's hand and a feeling of dread washes over him. Donna didn't send him the text, Barnaby did. He has her phone which doesn't make any sense, unless-

His eyes grow wide as details from the Carter case flash through his mind. The whole time he'd assumed it was Drake texting him and that Henry's son had orchestrated the deal with Eloware. It had never occurred to him that someone else might be pulling the strings. You son of a bitch-" he drops his hand using the edge of the desk to support himself, "you were the one who put Drake's in contact with Ryan Ashford."

Barnaby scoffs at the accusation feigning ignorance. "Don't be ridiculous."

Harvey shakes his head not buying the denial for a second. "You used Drake, manipulated him into doing what you wanted. " He can't believe he didn't see it and steels himself against a rush of guilt. He'd been too personally invested, too caught up in every else going on and he watches Barnaby's mask start to slip, edging around one of the pushed out chairs. "You used Henry's family against him..." he deliberately goads the businessman, "what kind of sick and deranged-"

"Drake knew exactly what he was getting into!"

Barnaby finally snaps giving up the charade and tossing the pot letting it clatter to the floor. "The stupid kid turned on me, didn't want to go through with it once daddy caught wind and wouldn't keep his goddamn mouth shut."

Harvey flinches, questioning whether or not it was wise to provoke the outburst. He's clearly dealing with more than just psychotic tendencies. The man's obviously unhinged and his fingers flex at the potential danger he's in.

What if Drake's crash wasn't an accident?

His stomach drops at the realisation, his jaw going slack, "so you sabotaged the car, tried to get rid of him."

The look of pride on Barnaby's face is all the answer he needs and he steadies himself with a sharp breath, a nagging thought penetrating his grogginess. What exactly was Barnaby planning to do, bludgeon him to death with a pot? There has to be more to it and he continues pressing the businessman hoping it will give him answers. "You really thought you could take me out, with an auditorium full security cameras and witnesses?"

"Small oversight." Barnaby admits trying to adapt to a new plan. He knows he's screwed but he's learnt there are ways out of every unwinnable situation. It just takes a conniving mind mixed with a little imagination to find them. "I wonder, what _did_ you do with that drink I gave you?"

Harvey frowns in confusion, his mind flashing back to the champagne he gave Donna and his body goes ridged with fear. He'd watched her consume every last drop. Panic soaks into his concern igniting a spark of anger but he keeps the rage hidden behind a deadly calm voice. "What did you do to her?"

The slight tremor in Harvey's hand don't go unnoticed and Barnaby works it into his angle. A _she_ , obviously someone important, and he thinks back to the few times he's had meetings at the firm. There's only been one women who stood out next to Jessica Pearson and he feigns surprise, trying to push the lawyer over the edge. "Oh dear, it wasn't that lovely redhead was it? Now that would be a shame."

Harvey snaps.

He doesn't give a fuck or think twice about his safey as he lunges slamming Barnaby up against the wall. "What the _hell_ did you do?"

The reaction is better than he expected and Barney smirks despite the pressure crushing his windpipe. If he's going down the very least he can do is take someone the arrogant and self-righteous lawyer cares about down with him.

"Kill me or... find her-" he chokes out, "clocks ticking."

The threat coils in Harvey's stomach and his eyes flash with hatred as he loosens his grip. If anything happens to Donna he will kill him but instead of letting him go he draws back swinging and knocking him unconscious with one solid blow. Barnaby's body slumps down the wall and he doesn't waste any time running with a jagged hook back towards to the elevator.

He's still woozy but swallows the sickly feeling leaning heavily against the carriage wall. When he staggers out onto the top floor his eyes immediately scan for Donna ignoring the looks and gasps that follow him.

 _Right_ , blood on his shirt.

He doesn't give a shit.

The only thing he cares about is finding the redhead but a sharp tug pulls him away from the search.

"Jesus Christ Harvey, what happened?" Samantha whispers harshly, following the trail of splattered blood up to his crown. Her first assumption is that he's been in a fight and she keeps him shielded from the crowd trying to minimize the damage. The last thing they need is a scene but when he pulls roughly away she catches fear flickering in his gaze.

"Where's Donna?" He blinks back a wave of dizziness forcing himself to stay clear headed. Luckily the anxiety flooding through him is an effective pain relief and he continues scanning the room for the familiar flash of red.

"She was just here." Samantha sternly tries to reason but there's a niggling doubt creeping in that she can't shake. She'd assumed the COO was just hungover and that's why she'd excused herself but thinking back the exit had been hasty and she finds her own gaze drifting across the sea of people to reassure herself. "She wasn't feeling well, I'm sure she probably just went to get some air." The assumption lands heavily between them and her eyes dart back to his tight expression.

" _Shit_ ," he breathes out the curse scrubbing the spots from his eyes. He'd hoped Barnaby had fabricated the threat and his adrenaline pushes into overdrive as he grabs Samantha's arm, "call the cops tell them Barnaby Joice needs to be arrested and get whoever you can looking for Donna. I think she's in trouble."

The flurry of instruction is a lot to take in on faith alone. She's a lawyer after all but his stubbornness isn't something she can fight and she tries appeasing him instead. "I'll find her but you need to sit down."

"Like hell."

He pushes passed before she has a chance to stop him and she catches several people staring in her direction.

" _Dammit,_ " she mutters under her breath pulling out her phone. She has no idea what the fuck is going on but she knows Harvey. The aggression didn't come from alcohol it stemmed from fear and if that has anything to do with Donna she isn't taking any chances.

Otherwise she's going to be on the receiving end of whatever-the-hell that was.


	12. Chapter 12: Push

_Well don't just stand there, say nice things to me... cause I've been cheated I've been wronged and you, you don't know me._  
 _I can't change, I won't do anything at all._

 **\- Matchbox 20, Push**

* * *

Harvey opens the door to the roof breathing out a mix of fear and hesitation as he tries to steady his rapidly beating pulse. He's been searching everywhere for Donna and the narrow stairs winding up to the top of the building were an afterthought, one he only considered when he saw the access to the fire escape from the lower ground. As far as he knows Samantha and Louis are still looking and he edges out on the uneven tiling spotting Donna's silhouette sitting on the wall, legs dangling over the streets of Manhattan.

The sight makes his stomach clench with anxiety and his first instinct is to rush towards her but the ground is still wet, slippery from all the rain, and he's careful not to make any rash movements. He needs to gauge the situation first and takes a single step forward keeping himself at a safe distance.

" _Donna_..." he tests her name, mindful that he doesn't startle her, "everything okay?"

The voice penetrates her grogginess and she reluctantly drags her gaze away from the glittering horizon. She feels strange like she's floating outside her body and his appearance makes her smile broadly. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"It's great." The response is flippant and miles away from caring about the damn view. His only concern is her safety and the protective urge rears above everything else. "Why don't you come down from there?"

She sighs at his dismissal and turns her head back to the lights dancing in front of her. Why should she? Below them Manhattan is trapped in a gridlock, a rush and bustle that never sleeps and she likes being above the suffocating swell of people and nine to five drama. It's calming and she rolls her head to the side absorbing the zigzag of colours washing over her vision.

His fingers twitch at her silence and the need to do something fires through his body but her lack of awareness keeps him fixed in place. She's high as a fucking kite, that much is obvious, and he exhales trying a different approach. "You're right," he pauses forcing sincerity into his voice, "it is beautiful. Mind if I join you?"

A flash of her dilated pupils keep him from making the attempt and he flinches.

 _Great_ , even drugged she knows when he's lying.

The hesitation rolls off him in waves and she squints trying bring the colours swirling around him into focus but the vibrancy tears at his edges. He's rigid in the darkness, a grey enigma, and she shakes herself trying to clear the thoughts swimming in her head. She doesn't want to be dragged back into the shadows. She wants to stay and _feel,_ forget about overthinking every tiny little detail.

He reads the shift in her body language, the tremor that washes over her and doesn't know if it's from the drugs in her system or the wind picking up but either way it doesn't matter. He needs to get her inside and out of danger. "Donna, please... just come down _._ " He debates reasoning with the truth but isn't sure it would get through and plays it safe feeling the desperation crawl beneath his skin. "You know I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important."

 _Bullshit_ , she thinks, sweeping the hair from her face.

It's always about him.

 _His_ needs.

For once she doesn't want to listen and stubbornly palms the bricks beneath her hand intrigued by their slick rough texture. Everything is different and she keeps her gaze downcast focusing on the intricate pattern and tracing its symmetry. "Why should I?"

She sounds like a petulant child and he locks onto the frustration he can feel brimming. It's easier than fixating on his fear and he squares his shoulders addressing her like a parent. "Because it's dangerous."

She feels an urge to giggle at the ridiculous statement. It's no more unsafe than the confinement of the city below. The muggings, stabbings and god knows what else is going on down there. If he bothered to look he'd be able to see it but he won't and she doesn't need a lecture on 'the world according to Harvey Specter'. She's perfectly fine figuring things out on her own. "Just _go_ , Harvey."

The curt brushoff stabs through him and he reacts leveraging the emotion. "You want me to leave, _fine_ , I will." Like hell he will. He isn't going anywhere but plays along for the sake of changing tactics. "Just as soon as you agree to come inside."

She isn't surprised by the the ultimatum. After all that's what he does best, gets what he wants and then leaves. Thomas wasn't like that and the sudden untimely comparison crashes through her catching her off guard. For a few fleeting seconds she'd forgotten what it was like to miss him, to have somebody, and the reminder feels amplified as it swells in her throat.

He hears the hitch in her breathing and doesn't know what to do. Trying to rationalise anything at this point is probably futile but he's never been able to stand seeing her hurt and the sympathy that breaks his voice is genuine, "Donna... I can help fix this but I need you to listen to me."

" _Don't-_ " she throws a hand up trying to block the condescending tone. What could he possible know about being in a functional relationship? Thomas wasn't some waitress or retail assistant. He was real and it meant something, he mattered.

"Don't what?" He stands there confused, his face tense and focus split as he calculates the distance between them. It's maybe six or seven feet which isn't far but it feels like a highway of separation when her words draw him back, punching straight through his gut.

" _Care_ , Harvey." She defends against pretending there's an easy fix. That's what _he_ does not her, and she's tired of always running in the same circle chasing their tails.

The wind bites sharply and he watches another tremor rake through her the reaction rendering him immobile. He's scared shitless he'll do something to throw her off balance and tries to swallow the panic knotting in his chest. It won't help and he steels himself channeling the fear into frustration, something he can manage. "You _know_ I care Donna."

She does and deep down the words penetrate the doubt clouding her judgement. Despite his resentment towards showing emotion he's found ways to express himself but the meanings are always lost in a labyrinth. It isn't his fault. She let herself in but finding her way out has been one of the hardest things she's ever had to do. "Maybe you should ask yourself if it's worth it."

The comment is jarring and the blatant disregard for their friendship bolsters his frustration. It's like she's deliberately twisting a knife and he doesn't think twice about the drugs or the ramifications of lashing out. "I don't need to ask myself a _shit_ -" he snaps, the anger barreling from his mouth, "or does the last fourteen years not count for a damn thing?"

She recoils at the ferocity, a wave of dizziness riding the haze of confusion trapping her thoughts. She doesn't want to do this with him anymore. She exhausted, disorientated and hot tears burn her gaze as she silently wills an escape from the conversation.

He watches her visibly struggle and swears under his breath cursing the stupidity of losing it. He was the one who dragged her into this mess. She's the victim of his actions, another person hurt because he couldn't see what was right in front of him and the irony drums in time with his rapidly beating pulse. He wishes to god it was someone else up here. Someone like Louis who would be able to say the right thing and comfort her because he's always fallen short of being that in her life but it's time he manned up and stopped being afraid.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have snapped," the apology slips out as he edges into her peripheral, "but I need you to trust me."

She can feel her heartbeat thrumming through her ears and the dizzying flurry of lights are no longer calming to look at. Everything feels intrusive including his movement and she slams her eyes shut terrified of opening them again. "I can't do this. _Please,_ just leave me alone."

He stalls at the desperation in her voice and is close enough to see the light perspiration gleaming across her skin. Another couple of steps and he'd almost be in reach but fear keeps him rooted in place. "I know you're scared but you don't have to be..." he assures gently, trying to break through her panic, "I promised I'd never let anything bad happen to you, remember?"

His words sound like they're underwater but they jog something and she nods slowly at the blurry memory. It's not the only thing she remembers. He'd also said he loved her and then left. It shouldn't matter anymore but the guilt is almost as suffocating as the hurt. She'd pushed him for something that wasn't there. _She'd_ broken them not him and a sob claws at her throat, her hand shaking violently as it moves to smother the sound. "I'm _so_ sorry Harvey."

He doesn't know why she's apologising and uncertainty tears through him but his voice is soft and assertive as it lifts over the rumbling traffic below. "You have nothing to be sorry for. It's going to be okay you just need to come down."

She nods but the slight movements intensifies a flood of nonsensical thoughts and she screws her eyes shut again. She can feel reality slipping and clings onto her guilt like it's an anchor. "It wasn't your fault. I didn't... I thought... but I didn't, you couldn't-"

The mumbling is incoherent and his heart slams his rib-cage as he tries to keep her lucid. "Couldn't what?" She doesn't answer and he uses the lapse in her concentration to edge along the inside of the wall swallowing sharply when his foot slides over a loose tile. He catches himself, pressing her again. "I couldn't what Donna... what couldn't I do?"

For a brief second the clarity is overwhelming and she opens her eyes finding him through her confusion and smiling softly. "You couldn't love me Harvey."

The admittance stalls his clambering and forces the air from his lungs. He's spent the last fourteen goddamn years loving her but all that comes out is a harsh breath and defeated protest, " _I.._ "

"It's okay." She says gently, "I shouldn't have expected you to." The closure is freeing and she isn't scared anymore. All she can feel is an airy lightheadedness and she blinks absorbing the warm numbness creeping in.

The resignation reverberates through him echoing against every stupid and selfish mistake he's made over the years. It's the doubt that hurts the most. The fact that somewhere along the way she lost faith in him and he falters, just for a moment, but when her eyes roll back he realises with a rush of panic that he isn't close enough to stop her from slipping.

xx

* * *

 **AN: I'm sorry this took so long! I really struggled trying to keep Donna in character while being out of character on drugs. I also wanted her train of thought to be a little confusing and sporadic so I hope it's not too hard to follow.**

 **Sorry (not sorry) about a cliffhanger :P**


	13. Chapter 13 Bright Lights

_And baby, baby, baby when all your love is gone who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world._

 **\- Matchbox 20, bright lights**

* * *

"Donna!"

He's too far away to catch her and adrenaline pumps through him as she lands on the cement with a sickly crack, his body dropping beside her on the cold wet ground. He thanks Christ she fell backwards and not over the ledge but the relief is short lived when he comes into contact with a warm stickiness oozing from a cut beneath her hairline.

" _Shit_." He withdraws his hand wiping the blood along his trousers and trying to shake the admission that cost him precious seconds. She said he didn't love her but she's wrong, so god damn _fucking_ wrong. He's always been in love with her. he just couldn't see it, and his fingers tremble with fear as he slips out his cell to call for help.

Samantha doesn't ask questions just tells him paramedics are on their way up and he's grateful for the reprieve, tossing down the phone and not giving a damn when the screen shatters on impact. All he cares about is Donna and he blinks back a rush of dizziness gently elevating her head to rest more comfortably in his lap. She stirs at the contact letting out a groan and he slides his thumb down wiping the sweat dripping from her flushed skin. She's burning up and when she starts struggling in a weak attempt to sit up he places a light pressure against her shoulder urging her to keep her still, " _hey_ , it's okay I've got you... don't try to move."

"Head hurts..." she mummers trying to make sense of the situation but she's too out if it to stay focused.

He can see her starting to drift again and swallows roughly, giving her a gentle nudge. "Donna, listen to me... you're going to be fine but you need to stay awake, think you can do that?" Her barely perceptible nod causes a sheet of moisture to glaze over his eyes but he shakes off the emotion skirting his hand down to feel the contrast between her clammy face and freezing skin. He needs to do more than just keep her alert and quickly shrugs out of his jacket using it to cover her exposed arms. It isn't much but it's something and he drags his hand back swiping the hair soaking her face. She leans into the touch, settling at the contact, and he gives her shoulder a squeeze. "That's it, you're doing great Donna. Just stay with me."

He hears a commotion coming from the stairwell and glances up relieved to see the paramedics come through followed closely by Samantha and Louis. At first he doesn't react, hanging onto the small thread of composure he still has left, but once they deem it safe to move her he's ushered out of the way and latches onto Louis trying to force back the loud roar in his ears.

Louis supports him with two strong hands, his voice thick with concern as his gaze swims between the lawyer and the redhead being loaded onto a stretcher "Harvey, what the hell happened?"

Harvey's attention suddenly snaps to Samantha his eyes growing dark at her tense expression. "Where's Joice?"

"Gone." She doesn't allow her internal wince to take form but the tone is regretful, "he must have slipped out before the the police arrived. They're downstairs waiting to talk to you."

His eyes fall to the paramedics strapping Donna in and a pressure begins to build behind his temples. He doesn't have time to deal with incompetent authorities or rampant sociopaths and he throws an explanation at Louis putting his implicit trust in the man. "Barnaby Joice was responsible for Drake Carter's car crash and he wanted, _ah-_ " he hisses at a sharp pain, pressing a hand to the side of his head, "...he wanted me out of the picture so he could claim back the company but accidentally drugged Donna instead."

Worry compounds in Louis' chest as he takes in Harvey's twisted features. He clearly needs medical attention himself and following Donna to the hospital is probably the best thing for him right now. "I'll take care of it."

The relief that washes over Harvey is visible and Samantha exhales slowly, grateful she trusted her instincts. It's still going to be a publicity nightmare but she can handle that so long as somebody else can manage Harvey because god forbid, if anything happens to Donna he's going to need someone -preferably his own size and strength- to keep him from doing something stupid. "I'll get everyone out of here and tell Robert to meet you at to the hospital." She turns to the female paramedic with a subtle nod, "he needs checking over as well, he's in shock and took a hit to the back of his head."

"I'm fine." He growls out directing his fear into any outlet he can but as soon as he takes a step forward pins and needles charge through his body and he stumbles, caught simultaneously by Louis and Samantha.

"Okay hero, take it easy." The blonde lifts his arm up over her shoulder motioning for Louis to let go. She's stronger than she looks and combined with his stubbornness has no problem supporting his weight as they follow the paramedics down to the waiting ambulance. Louis does as instructed heading off the police and she manages to unload Harvey into the vehicle, glancing at Donna's prone form across from him.

It's the last thing she sees as the white doors pull shut and she swallows a swell of emotion pulling out her phone and dialling Robert Zane. If necessary she'd call it in as a personal favours but he doesn't hesitate. Donna and Harvey are family and he tells her he'll keep her updated, asking her to do the same. It's a given and she hangs up swiping a hand over her brow.

Whatever happens tonight it's going to change things, she saw that much in Harvey's expression.

She just prays that the firm and everyone who works there can survive the consequences.

...

* * *

...

Donna's eyes snap open with a gasp, panic and confusion directing her gaze to where Harvey is stood speaking on his cell. She tries to move but finds herself in restraints, her wrists aching from the cuffs securing her to the bed, and the haze clouding her memory causes a knot of dread in her stomach. She can't remember what happened, how she got here or why in the hell she's restrained. " _Harvey_?" She hates the fear her voice, the vulnerability that's bleeding through but his gaze snaps to hers and she's able to fight the sudden rush of panic.

"Mike I've gotta go... yeah, she's awake. I will." He hangs up sliding the phone into his pocket as he nears the bed. "It's okay, you're safe. You're in the hospital."

She breathes in slowly through her nose trying to stay calm. He wouldn't let anything happen to her, she knows that, but the reassurance doesn't explain anything and she tugs on the binds around her wrists. "What's going on? I don't... why am I restrained?"

Her lucidity washes over him and he draws in a relieved breath but still can't shake the memories from the past forty-eight hours. He'd only witnessed one of the drug induced episodes but it had been terrifying to watch her manically lashing out and as soon as she'd been sedated he'd barely made it to the nearest bathroom before throwing up. The doctor had assured him once the drugs wore off she was expected to make a full recovery but he's still nervous as he runs his hand over the cuff encouraging her to keep still. "I'll go get the nurse, she _can_ -"

"Harvey." Her eyes plead with him to stay, the idea of being alone causing another swell of panic to rise in her chest. She needs to know what happened and blinks back a sudden rush of moisture. She's hates crying in front of him but right now she feels completely helpless and almost begs him to tell her the truth. "Please. I'm not... I don't need to be in these _things_ , I just need you to talk to me."

The way she's fighting to stay in control breaks him and he can't stand watching her struggle. She clearly isn't a danger to herself anymore and he risks a glance behind him at the dimly lit hall. _Fuck it_. He knows her better than any nurse or doctor and he rips open the velcro band watching the relief flood her features. The first thing she does once free and is wipe her eyes and he lowers himself to the chair beside her bed, swallowing the nerves lodged in his throat. The doctor warned him memory loss was common in these types of situations and he collects his hands over his knees, pressing her gently for details. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"I..." she frowns, shaking her head at a flurry of images that don't make sense. The last thing she can place is being in his office the afternoon before their client drinks but even those memories are hazy. There's certainly nothing to explain why should woke up restrained in a hospital bed and her eyes draw to his face noticing the fresh bruises around his jawline. The idea she might have caused them drives the air painfully from her chest and she opens her mouth but can't from the words.

He reads the assumption in her gaze and immediately reaches out to cover her hand. "Donna hey, no... you didn't do this. You didn't hurt anybody." He's quick to sweep aside her guilt but has no idea how to admit his own. It was his fault she got caught in the crossfire of a lunatic but he isn't ready to go there yet and lands on a basic version of the truth instead. "You had your drink spiked. They're still waiting to get the full toxicology report back but it was a heavy dose..." he breathes out a sigh motioning to the restraints but the tone is anything but light, "we lost you for a little while there."

She was drugged. The explanation circles around her head making her feel nauseous. The how and why seem less import. What scares her the most is not being able to remember what happened, what she may have said or done and his impassive features do nothing except fuel the uncertainty spreading through her. He looks bad, beyond exhausted, and while she can assume she's the reason it doesn't help jog anything in her memory. It's all completely lost to her and even though she's afraid to ask she has to know. "Harvey, what happened?"

Despite preparing for the question over and over again it still makes him go rigid.

 _What happened?_

She nearly died because she wasn't able to trust him, that's what _happened,_ but the version he tells is vastly different. "You weren't feeling well so you went out to get some air. I found you, realised something wasn't right and called an ambulance. You slipped in the rain, that's how you bumped your head."

She knows instantly he's lying or at least omitting something. She can read it in the tense line of his jaw and the black and blue injuries marring his face but the ghost of a smirk on his lips stops her from pushing.

"You didn't do anything embarrassing if that's what your worried about." Only broke him in a way he isn't sure can be fixed but what right does he have to blame her Apparently he did the same thing first and he swallows sharply desperately skirting away from the guilt. "I wasn't sure if you'd want your parents here."

She flinches at the thought of her overbearing mother and overprotective father showing up at he hospital. "Tell me you didn't call them."

"Not yet." He shakes his head twisting his thumbs together, relieved he made the right decision. She'd presented as critical but stable and the doctor had been cautiously optimistic. If he'd thought for one second her condition had warranted them being here he wouldn't have hesitated. "I really should go get the nurse, visiting hours are almost over anyway."

She doesn't want him to go but resists asking him to stay. He obviously needs sleep and her expression softens as he pushes up from the chair.

"Thank you Harvey."

He hesitates for the briefest of seconds, holding her gaze, and the sudden feeling she's thanking him for more than she realises washes over her. There's something in his eyes that's unreadable, more than just normal concern, but it's gone in a flash replaced by a tentative smile.

"Get some rest, I'll stop by tomorrow to check in on you."

She nods but can't help the unease balling in her stomach and he's just shy of the door when she calls out to stop him. He turns back and she isn't sure what to say but her mouth forms around the one thing that's important to her. "Are we... okay?"

He honestly doesn't know how to answer the question. In his mind it's a complete mess but he takes the easy way out and lies to avoid complication. "Yeah, we're fine." He forces another smile but is slips from his expression the moment he escapes and he barely makes a few feet before sagging against the wall.

He almost lost her and if that isn't hard enough to deal with the fact he may have _already_ lost her, and jut not realised, is a hell of a lot more difficult to accept.


	14. Chapter 14 Bed of Lies

**AN: This chapter is rated M ;)**

* * *

 _Don't think that I can take another empty moment, don't think that I can fake another hollow smile._  
 _It's not enough just to be sorry. Don't think that I could take another talk about it._

 **\- Matchbox 20, Bed of Lies**

* * *

Harvey closes the door to Donna's apartment wincing as the lock jiggles behind him. "First thing tomorrow I'm getting that fixed."

She glances back as he deposits her bag on the floor reading the concern in his gaze. He was distant the whole ride home, has been ever since she woke up in the hospital, and her expression softens as she tries to reassure him, "you heard the police, they think Barnaby is in Santa Fe somewhere." Or at least according to his credit card statement he is but Harvey still doesn't look convinced and she reaches out to lightly brush his arm, "besides you were the target not me."

He flinches away from the contact and she winces at the choice of words. She knows he still feels guilty about giving her the drink and exhales slowly trying to shift some of the awkwardness, "sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It's fine." He shrugs off the apology changing the subject, "do you want me to get you a drink, fix you something to eat?"

" _You..._ cook?" She teases trying to inject some humour back into the conversation but his expression remains void of anything other than exhaustion. Even the white polo teamed with crisp cargo shorts can't distract from the bags under his eyes and she folds her arms with a sigh. "I'm fine Harvey. You should go home, get some rest."

He nods at the dismissal checking his watch to keep some sort of rhythm in place. Part of him wants to stay, remind himself she's safe, but with the decision already made he forces a tight smile. "Just call if you need anything."

He turns to leave and a growing sense of unease balls in her stomach as he pads towards the door. Eventually he'd given her more details about what happened, told her about being up on the roof and Barney Joice's involvement but every word was clinical like he was reading it out of a playbook. She know's he's hiding something and takes a deep breath calling him back, "Harvey, _wait_."

He hesitates and she swallows awkwardly, scared that it was something she did that he won't admit to. "If I said something-"

"You didn't." He cuts off abruptly, ready to leave it at that but anticipation keeps him from reaching for the door handle. He knows there's more coming and flinches when her voice cuts through the silence.

"Then how did I fall?" She asks running a hand over the tender lump that's still present beneath her hairline. The tone is in no way accusing but she's been over what he told her at least a hundred times and _knows_ he would have gone to any lengths to keep her from getting hurt but somehow she did and it doesn't make any sense. "You said were right there-"

"You wouldn't _let_ me help you." He throws back, irritation edging to the surface as he turns to face her. He shouldn't engage but the need to defend himself stirs a new wave of frustration, "you were high Donna, you were scared and you didn't want me there." Air barrels out of his chest with the admission and he wants to tear his gaze away, stop looking before she sees right through him, but he's like a deer trapped in headlights and whether he says it out loud or not he knows she'll hear it regardless. "That's why you slipped and if you think I don't hate myself for letting it happen you're wrong."

She sees it clearly for the first time, the flash of hurt in his eyes, and realises there's more that just guilt simmering between them. He's angry because she pushed him away but she's still lost trying to understand why. "I was _drugged_ , Harvey."

"I _know_." He snaps the response, holding somewhere between embittered and defeated. She's right, it isn't fair but just because she was under the influence doesn't mean there wasnt truth to what she said. Drugs don't make people liars, they just make them lose their sense of awareness. "Can we please just forget it."

A flicker of anger rises from both his dismissal and her inability to remember what happened and she steps forward confrontingly, "if you're going to hold this over me don't you think I have a right to know what I said?"

A puffed out laugh exits his mouth but the sound is far from humorous. Instead it's tired creating more tension between them. What's he supposed to say? The second he tells her the truth, that she's clearly moved on from what he wants, there won't be anything left to hold on to and there won't be any coming back from it. "I should go."

"No." She locks her jaw adamantly, hardening her tone. "I hurt you, that's what this is really about isn't it?" She watches him square his shoulders confirming the suspicion and she wants to feel guilty -should- but can't, not without him giving a reason. "I bruised your ego and now you want to go lick your wounds and _what_... sulk? Grow up Harvey."

"What did you just say to me?" His voice is raised and he starts back to her a mixture of shock and annoyance fuelling his anger, "you want to know what _really_ happened?"

She nods defiantly standing up to his hasty approach because even though she's petrified this is all her fault she needs hears him say it and when he stops dead in front of her, still in the throws of frustration, she prepares herself for the outburst.

"I found you on the edge of a building, a _roof,_ Donna. Do you have any idea how terrifying that was? And instead of listening to me, instead of _trusting_ me you acted like we meant nothing. You told me I shouldn't care and when I wouldn't leave you looked me in the eye and said that _I..._ " he swallows sharply, embarrassment preventing the words from barreling out. He's already gone too far, said to much and he can feel heat spread across his neck as he turns away scrubbing a hand through his hair.

She uses the second's reprieve to wipe the moisture burning her gaze but he's wrong. Whatever he heard was twisted and misconstrued by the drugs and rather than apologise for something she had no control over she focuses on the words he won't admit to, whatever it is that hurt him the most. "I said _what_ , Harvey?"

He turns to face her the tightness in his chest threatening to implode in on itself.

 _Love me how?_

That's what she'd asked him once and then afterwards had accused him of being too scared to fight. Now he's standing at the very same threshold only this time she isn't expecting him to try, she gave up on him.

Well to hell with that.

"How do you _think_ I love you?" He asks pacing back and watching her eyes grow wide with confusion. "You said I needed to ask myself if caring about you was worth it but it's always been worth it Donna. I can't be me without you and I don't want to be."

Her gaze is clouded with uncertainty and not sure she fully understand she moves in with intent cupping her cheek and dragging her mouth to his lips in a hard kiss. It isn't testing or hesitant. He knows exactly what he's trying to show her and when she responds with the same ferocity it takes him by surprise urging his hands down to caress every inch and curve pressed against him. It isn't nearly enough. He needs more and stumbles forward ignoring a clatter as he backs her into the wall.

She hits it with a gasp, breathing in sharply as his tongue traces the hollow of her neck and her pulse drums faster feeling his arousal grow hard against the curve of her stomach. If she were in higher shoes he would be pressing exactly where she needs the contact and a groan spills from her lips as she stands on her sneakers trying to get higher. She has no idea how they went from fighting to fucking so fast but doesn't get a chance to ask.

His hand slips beneath her shirt moving in slow torturous circles under her bra and all she can think about is her humility, doing whatever she can to keep from begging him to go faster. She clamps her her mouth shut to avoid the plea slipping out and her fingers deftly reach for his shorts but he catches her wrist and she hitches as he pins it up behind her head. Memories from the other time flash in front of her eyes, specifically his need for control, and she hooks a leg behind his thigh eliciting a guttural moan from his chest as she forces her centre closer to his hardness. His momentum falters and she almost smirks; he gets just as turned on when he loses control.

He recovers with heavy growl tugging her lips with his mouth and when she whimpers into the kiss the sound nearly undoes him. The tight swell in his trousers becomes unbearable as she writhes against him and he loosens his hold letting his ego takes the hit. He won't last if he doesn't compromise and lets go dragging her t-shirt up over her head and tossing it to floor. He leaves her bra in place teasing and nipping at the delicate fabric and she hisses when he slides his thumb over the sensitive skin. Her hand flies down to his button on his trousers and this time he lets her relieve the pressure choking back a warning when her fingers increase the almost painful throbbing.

He never loses it like this and he's slept with plenty of women but she's different. She's always has been and he yanks down the zip of her jeans trying to discourage her with an equally tormenting distraction but it backfires when he feels the heat pooling between her legs. He needs more of her and tugs roughly ridding her of clothes, shoes and anything else in their way including his shirt. A second later he's back against her, skin on skin, and an unintelligible noise catches in her throat as his fingers tease her mercilessly.

Just when she thinks she might actually break he stops, mouth hot on her ear as he instructs her to wait. She can barely breathe, her eyes closed tightly as she tries to process the loss of his body heat and then she hears a snap of plastic. _Christ._ She'd almost forgotten about a condom and her heart hammers loudly as returns hoisting her up with strong arms. Her legs automatically wrap around his waist as he shoulders her against the wall for more support and he buries his head into the crook of her neck as he slowly slides into her. She lets out a gasp and he fights the urge to start pumping letting her adjust to the rhythm first.

It's nearly impossible to sustain the slow grind, the need to go faster driving his pulse into a mad frenzy, but he feels her start to rock urging him let go and he does. His control snaps, his hips jerking up frantically and her nails dig into his back begging him not to stop. Even if he wanted to he can't. Lights are already zigzagging his vision, pushing him to the edge, and when she tenses around him he drives up with a final thrust throwing his palm flat against the wall as the intensity crashes over them.

 _S_ he's pants heavily barely able to think straight and when he finally has the composure to let her down she lands on unsteady legs, pushing away from him and dragging his polo-shirt over her head.

"What am I supposed to wear?" He asks casually, wincing when his cargo pants slap across the front of his chest. "I'll just..." he motions, taking the hint to go get himself cleaned up.

She turns on her heel without saying anything and he swallows the awkwardness finding his way to her bathroom. Once inside he closes the door and steps in front of the mirror landing his hands on either side of the sink. _Shit_. What the hell had he been thinking? What could he have possibly thought screwing her up against the wall was going to achieve?

The problem is he hadn't been goddamn thinking and he turns on the water in the basin with a sigh, disposing of the condom and half-attempting to make himself look decent. It's a futile attempt but he actually wants to talk about what just happened and heads back out finding his shirt folded neatly on the sofa.

No sign of Donna.

 _Fuck_.

He strains listening for any movement and hears the faint sound of the shower coming from her bedroom promoting him to awkwardly fling his shirt back on and take a seat. He isn't running and waits patiently, at least another twenty minutes, before she finally emerges in robe towel drying her hair.

She almost startles at seeing him but manages to keep her voice even. "You're still here."

"Of course I'm still here." He tries not to bristle at the insinuation he wouldn't be. She disappeared first and he's starting to wonder why he's the one always getting the bad rap for leaving.

She lowers the towel flinging it over the back of the sofa with a sigh. She doesn't known why he stayed or what he's expecting but she doesn't have the energy left to fight him and is about to move into the kitchen when he strides across to block her path. His features soften showing his vulnerability and she immediately wants to cry but finds the strength to be angry instead. " _Don't-_ " she warns shaking her head, "don't you dare stand there and tell me you want more. Not after everything _I_ -"

"You what?" He asks feeling his fear edge into frustration. He screwed up, he get's it but she made mistakes too. She was the one who said she didn't get involved with people she worked with, she was the one who insisted she felt nothing after she kissed him. Maybe he wasn't ready to face it back then but isn't going to stand here now and take all the blame. "I was there Donna. I went through it too and unless I'm forgetting something you never actually told me what you wanted."

The accusation fires through her and it takes all her willpower not to physically lash out and slap him. How in gods name was she supposed to tell him? Anytime she even came close to trying he would completely shut down and if she'd said the words out loud it would have ruined them. "Go to hell _._ " She snaps, pushing to move passed but he catches her wrist spinning her back.

"So that's it?" His eyes blaze at the dismissal, "we just leave this how it is and never talk about it again?"

She jerks out of his grasp throwing the truth at him, "you _hurt_ me Harvey." She hates that it sounds weak but not once had he ever given her a reason to believe that something might happen between them. She'd fought like hell to get over that, to be his friend when she'd wanted more, because that's what he'd wanted. "You've spent the last fourteen years telling me that you didn't want this, that you had everything and I accepted that... I moved on."

"Bullshit." He calls her out, trying to separate the conversation from the mistakes he made in the past. He can't change what he said but they could try and repair the damage if she would just give them a chance. "If you've really moved on then why did we just had sex in your living room?"

Her mouth parts and she struggles with one single answer. Loneliness, closure.. because she'll always be in love with him no matter how hard she tries to fight it? Any reason is as good as the next because it doesn't matter anymore. It's over and she steels herself against the sudden lump in her throat."For the same reason we had sex when you quit the DA's office, because we could."

He stares blankly at the emotionless response feeling the edges of a panic attack creep into his vision. He did everything he could, laid it all out flat and bare, and his pride swells refusing to give into the sickly feeling weighing down his stomach. "I think I should go."

She nods folding her arms protectively across her chest. "I think that's a good idea."

The flash of hurt in his gaze burns through her and she closes her eyes keeping them screwed shut until she hears a slam. Without warning everything she's been holding back escapes in a sob and the shallow air driving in and out of her lungs forces her to the door but she can't bring herself to open it. Instead she sinks against the frame hands trembling as she tries to compose herself. She won't go back there again, _can't_. Loving him hurts too much and she draws in a shaky breath counting the minutes until she trusts herself enough to let go.

The second she does a knock sounds and she stills with fear, heart pounding until she forces herself back against the panelling. "Harvey, _please_ -" she doesn't know what else to say and closes her eyes against the solid frame.

"Donna, it's me."

The female voice isn't what she's expecting and relief hammers through her. "Rach?" With a hurried movement she swings the door back and has never been more relieved to see Rachael Zane-Ross standing across from her. "What are you doing here?"

The brunette feigns a smile but her expression fills with concern as her gaze washes over the redhead. She's obviously been crying and Rachael steps forward without question drawing the women into a hug. "First day out of hospital, I came to make sure you were okay." She squeezes her friend tightly, confusion mixing with her worry, "what the hell did Harvey do this time?"

Donna fights the urge to simultaneously laugh and cry at the accusation. " _Sorry_ -" she pulls back wiping her eyes, "I'm just tired and _urgh_... I don't know why I let him get to me like this."

Rachael doesn't buy the brushoff for a second and takes Donna's hand wordlessly leading them inside. Any conversation surrounding Harvey isn't one to be undertaken lightly and she makes sure they're both sitting comfortably before she approaches the situation with a delicate smile. "You want to talk about it?"

She actually does and afraid she'll start crying again she blurts it out before her emotions can process it. "He told me he wanted more, that he loved me." The words don't sound real as they hit the still silence and she slams her mouth shut dropping her gaze.

Rachael isn't surprised the slightest, only by the fact Harvey finally admitted it, but she's still wary of the fallout. "What did you do?" She asks softly, feeling her heart tug when Donna looks up with tears in her eyes shaking her head. Rachel doesn't hesitate pulling the redhead into another hug and part of her wonders if she should call Mike, warn him about the situation he's walking into.

She decides against it.

He'll figure it out and besides, right now her best friend needs her more than her husband does.

* * *

 **AN: Cause I'm all about the angst, the angst :P**

 **Also if anyone needs more darvey in their life I managed to get a video posted yesterday :) The link is on my twitter: Cassie_Ether**


	15. Chapter 15: Burn

_Now I'm down... and I wonder how I never got the burn a_ _nd if I'm ever gonna learn how lonely people make a life, o_ _ne strain at a time._

 **\- Matchbox 20, Burn**

* * *

Harvey stumbles into his apartment hitting the light switch on the way through and immediately shielding his gaze from the harsh glare. He's about thirteen whiskey's in. Enough to impair his usually stoic demur but not nearly enough to erase the sex fueled damage he initiated tonight and he charges unsteadily through to the kitchen leaning his weight against the counter.

"Hey old man."

He nearly jumps out of his skin at the noise and turns, his gaze struggling to pull multiple versions of Mike into focus. From what he can tell the kid's sat comfortably on his couch beneath the tall floor lamp (he hadn't even noticed it was god damn on) and he glares at the uninvited presence. "What the _fuck,_ " he swears belatedly, "you trying to give me a heart-attack?"

"Nice to see you too friend." Mike pushes up doing a quick analysis of the situation. It's obvious the man's been drinking but with Harvey it's almost impossible to tell how far gone he is or if the situation is regular bad or serious bad. From what he's reading he decides it's probably in his best interests not to make assumptions and he leads with a question instead. "Everything okay, you seem a little tense?"

Harvey barks out a sound that isn't anywhere close to amused. " _Really_? Because you think I'd be used to people unexpectedly breaking into this apartment by now." The comment is lit with sarcasm and shoves off the counter edging around it in search of more alcohol.

The smell of scotch hits Mike as he closes in running his gaze over Harvey's appearance. He looks disheveled and not in a classic 'I'm H.S. I can do what I want' kind of way. More like he just lost a major client then got hit by a bus to boot. It's unsettling and Mike stills with panic as his mind jumps to one of the few scenarios that could possibly rattle the lawyer this much. "Harvey did something happen to Donna, is she-"

"She's fine, great. Fucking fantastic," he cuts off the kids concern with a brash wave of his arm, "moved on or some shit like that."

It takes Mike a second to decipher the slurred words and their meaning but when he does his eyes go wide in response and the first thing he wants to do is call Rachael. She's been with Donna at least an hour and would be able to give him more to go on but from the looks of things, in particular the cupboard doors being slammed, something went down and it wasn't good. "Okay, _wow_. You want to take a minute and tell me what happened?"

Harvey stops momentary, opens his mouth as if to say something, then stubbornly shakes his head. "No I don't." He resumes his search, finding the bottle he's looking for and pulls up from the ground wincing when the room tilts sharply. His hand lands on the bench to steady himself but the poor coordination is nothing compared to the silent judgement he can feel being thrown over the laminate island.

He doesn't want to talk about. He's spent the last hour trying to _forget_ it, that he just ruined the most important relationship in his life, but the younger man's gaze doesn't relent and he let's out a heavy sigh. He may be exhausted, in no mood for company _and_ drunk but Mike is like Donna. The kid's different. Besides he can't afford to push anyone else away right now and he concedes with a gruff admission. "We had sex, _happy_?"

Mike sucks in a sharp breath almost choking on it and slaps his chest to help the air go down. "Wait what _, when_... how-" the questions fire out and he's confused when Harvey makes a show of checking his watch.

"About an hour ago, up against the wall in her living room." He drops his arm playing fast and loose with the quantities of scotch as he fills two glasses. His only intention is getting more drunk to wipe out the visions of intimacy still leeching onto his memory. She'd made it perfectly clear it was just sex and he throws back a shot relishing in the burn as it scolds his throat.

Mike winces for him, flustering at the visual. "That wasn't what _I..._ " he's going to say 'meant' but hesitates, his overly analytical mind trying to figure out the logistics. He's been in Donna's apartment and there isn't exactly a whole lot of wall. "Okay but how _did_ you-"

He stops again shaking his head. If he wants to get actual answers it's up to him to keep them from getting sidetracked with trivial things. "Never mind, what happened after you... you know?"

Harvey slides a scotch over, his jaw stiffening as a blasé note blankets his tone. "She told me she'd moved on and kicked me out." He doesn't offer any further explanation as he takes the bottle along with his glass trudging toward the couch. The little he did reveal is surprisingly sobering and he drops onto the cushions, his voice heavier as he fixes another drink. "I fucked up Mike."

The admission comes as a surprise. Mike can count on one hand the number of times Harvey's conceded to being wrong but he doesn't let his reaction show as he follows the lawyer into the open spaced lounge. The vulnerability is new too. He isn't used to it hanging so buoyantly in the air and he seats himself opposite Harvey genuinely struggling with what to say. When he'd called from the hospital the man's emotions had been clipped and hard to read over the phone but this is real and Mike takes a large gulp of alcohol. He's going to need liquid courage if they're going to address the big pink elephant that's been sitting in the room for the last eight years. "So you finally realised you're in love with her."

 _Anyone else_ , Harvey thinks, and he wouldn't tolerate the question let alone give it a response but he finds himself nodding curtly as he takes another shot.

It's a subtle gesture but honestly more than Mike was expecting and he exhales slowly. He knows Donna was seeing someone. Rachael told him that it was starting to get serious but Harvey never mentioned it and he'd assumed they were going to continue on with the same game of denial. This sort of confrontation is uncharted water but he can't say he isn't relived that Harvey's -almost- willing to open up about it. "Did you _ah_ , and I mean this is the nicest possible way..." he hesitates but catches the warning in Harvey's gaze and it prompts him to continue, "did you actually tell her or just kind of 'Harvey' your way around it?"

The description, despite being absolutely ridiculous, actually has a decipherable meaning and Harvey rolls his eyes feeling the alcohol start to numb his senses. He might not have said the word love out loud but he told her he wanted more and in their world that practically means the same thing. "She knows... trust me."

Mike nods deciding it's somewhat of a first step. With Harvey clarity is usually where the man falls down but if he really was direct about his feelings then Donna's reaction is key to figuring out where it all went wrong. "I'm guessing she didn't take it well."

"Gee Mike, what gave it away-" he bites out the sarcastic response waving between them, "or do you think we're celebrating here?"

The delivery is unwarranted but it's a reasonable point and Mike sits up a little straighter eyeing the man across the small table. "What did she say?"

"That I hurt her." He brushes it off because he can. Because he's finally at a point where the guilt is no longer suffocating and he leans across abandoning his glass on the table. He's had enough for the moment and he pretends not to notice the look of annoyance visible on Mike's face.

" _And_?" He questions attempting to keep them from landing right back at square one. If he's having this hard a time understanding where Harvey's head is at it's no wonder Donna kicked him out.

There isn't anymore to it, not really, Harvey decides with a rugged exhale. It had taken a surprisingly minimal amount of time for his heart to be ripped wide open but after being fourteen years too late maybe that's what he'd deserved. "She said she'd moved on, that the sex meant nothing." The words taste bitter in his mouth and he scrubs the stubble along his jaw trying not to flinch at Mike's accusing tone.

"So you left?" He seriously wants to bang his head against something and reaches up pinching the bridge of his nose with an almost pained sigh. For someone who anticipates outcomes for a living the man is absolutely clueless when it comes to his own personal life. "Oh my god Harvey, did you even _try_ to apologise?"

He stares blankly at the question. He's never seen the point in saying sorry. It can't undo actions but there's a tightness in his chest, a feeling that suggests it shouldn't be an afterthought, and embarrassment floods the back of his neck. "Not in so many words-" he shrugs, " _any_ actually."

Jesus Christ he's dealing with a moron. Mike leans back watching the confusion flicker across Harvey's face and it shouldn't come as a surprise. They've been friends for almost a decade and he knows how Harvey thinks but he's still perplexed the lawyer can't figure out something this important to him. "You really don't get it do you?"

The question immediately pisses him off. Obviously he doesn't. If he did he wouldn't be wiped out on scotch, squinting at the overbearing lights. being lectured in his own home. "No Mike, I clearly _don't_ so if you could be so kind as to explain it to me then maybe I could try and fix the problem instead of sitting here fucking talking about it!"

He propels himself up stumbling from a rush of dizziness and he's suddenly aware there isn't enough scotch in the world to blanket the emotions flooding him. They're going to be there until he deals with them and he exhales sharply tearing a hand through his hair. "What if I can't fix this?"

The doubt wavers with a note of uncertainty and Mike can almost see the weight pressing down on the lawyer's shoulders. He did screw up but fortunately for him, Mike knows Donna just as well. She's spent so long being in love with something she thought was unobtainable he's willing to bet Harvey isn't the only one reacting out of fear.

"She loves you Harvey."

He says matter-of-factly because it's true. It might not make an immediate difference but it's the key to fixing what's broken between them. "She'll come round but you can't rush her into accepting it-" he adds warningly, "if you really want this you need to show her you're serious. Be patient, give her some time."

It's the worst suggestion he can think of. Space is the last thing their relationship needs. They tried that when she went to work for Louis and he ended up getting panic attacks but for once he tries to steer away from the selfishness. It's not just about his needs and he drops back on the sofa conceding with a sarcastic huff. "You write greeting cards now too?"

"The lawyer thing wasn't really working out for me." He throws the quip out feeling it lift some of the tension between them. Even though things hadn't gone exactly to plan he's proud of Harvey for opening himself up to being vulnerable. It's the only way he's going to be able to let love in and Mike offers a sympathetic smile doing his best Michael Paré impression. "She was the still point of the turning world, man."

Harvey flinches at the reference to the Virgin Suicides. "Mike, they all kill themselves in that movie?"

He shrugs picking up his drink again. Romeo and Juliet ended up killing themselves, didn't make the point of the play any less valid but hopefully he and Harvey can come up with a far less dramatic gesture to win Donna over. Because god knows it's going to take some serious groveling and Harvey's going to need all the help he can get.


	16. Chapter 16: Hand Me Down

_Cause no one's tried to give you what you need, s_ _o lay all your troubles down I am with you now._  
 _I'm here for the hard times, the straight to your heart times._

 **\- Matchbox 20, Hand Me Down**

* * *

Louis swallows nervously as he sticks his head into Donna's office. It's always at least five degrees warmer in her room and the still air makes his nostrils twitch and his throat feel dry but he wipes his palms down the front of his trousers knocking on the glass. "Hey Don, have you got a second?"

She heard him long before he spoke and deliberately keeps her head down, fingers tapping purposefully over he keyboard. "I'm busy Louis." It's harsher than she intends but the bite doesn't stop him from entering and a sigh presses from her lips.

"It's important." He assures, trying not to flinch at the sound. He knows something is going on between her and Harvey. Well, not any specific details. He's only back working a couple of days a week but the tension has been palpable and he slants on the side of her desk trying not to irritate her further. "I can't find the file for the Benton deal and I need it before tomorrow's briefing."

She pauses momentarily, flicking her wrist to work out the ache in her joint. "Isn't that the case Katina's been working on?" She tempers her mood glancing up at him. It isn't his fault the firm's been inundated with work and technically he shouldn't even be back from paternity leave yet. If anything she should be grateful and despite her workload she reluctantly offers her help. "I can go over it with her if you're worried."

"No it's nothing like that," he stumbles biting his lip nervously as his gaze wanders to the door. It's late and dimly lit floor seems unusually quiet which is good and he picks up the brightly colored post-its from her desk fidgeting with them. "She's doing great but I asked one of the associates to check something for me but when I went down there everyone had gone home and I would have looked myself but... see he has this picture of a dog on his desk and its eyes you know, they just-"

" _Louis_." She cuts off the ramble folding her arms over her chest. He's lying about something she just doesn't know what and leans over suddenly, pulling the stack out of his hands. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." He tries to feign innocence but her glare quickly deters the attempt. " _Fine..._ " he admits with a huff, "I pissed off one of the cleaners last week and I think she's still down there. If she sees me she's just going to start 'accidentally' moving everything around while I'm trying to look for the damn brief. "

His use of air quotes makes her lean back with a tired shake of her head. As per usual nobody else seems to know how to suck it up and aplogise but the lecture forming on her lips stops at his pleading gaze. Between working three days a week and taking care of a new born the least she can do is afford him a little leniency. "Wait _here-_ " she instructs rolling her chair away from the desk, "don't touch anything."

He opens his palms lifting them up with a relieved smile. "I owe you one okay, whatever you need?" She mumbles something unintelligible under her breath as she struts to the door and he waits until she's out of sight before exhaling the breath he'd been holding.

Shakespeare can eat his heart out because he just pulled off the impossible. He just lied to Donna Paulsen and she bought it. It's a feat to be revered but he doesn't waste the time doing it, jumping down to get the hell out instead. The second she realises she is going to be pissed and he does not want to be around for that.

...

The elevator doors open Donna steps out walking into the bullpen with a look of confusion etched on her features. The place is a maze of fairy lights strung up over the petitions and when Harvey steps out of the darkness her pulse skips a beat. They haven't spoken in days, except to be the consummate professionals where required, and she stops deliberately keeping her distance. She's going to fucking kill Louis. "He already has the Benton file doesn't he?" She assumes, folding her arms over her chest.

Harvey nods surprised Louis actually managed to pull off lying. He was half expecting to have to go up there himself and he only feels slightly guilty for the deception. "Katrina gave it to him this morning."

"Son of a bitch..." she mumbles the curse under her breath as she turn on her heel not sure what he was trying to achieve but not in the mood for cheap parlor tricks. He can't just expect to string up some lights and have it fix everything but despite her frustration she stops when his voice cuts through the silence.

"Donna wait."

She hesitates and anger compels her to turn around wondering what the hell he was thinking. "What Harvey? What could you possibly think any of _this_ was going to achieve?"

She flounces her hand at the display and he flinches at the reaction. She's right, he isn't expecting anything from Mike's suggestion. It was a stupid and lame idea but the point isn't. He owes her time but she also deserves a real apology not just some half-assed attempt to gloss over everything that happened and he rolls his shoulders back with a serious expression. "I'm sorry Donna."

The sincerity comes as a surprise but she doesn't let it show keeping her features impassive. "That all, because I have work to do."

"No, it's not."

He swallows roughly, flexing his fingers. The hour long rehearsal did nothing to prepare him for the reality of actually giving a heart-on-his-sleeve speech but it's important and he shakes his hand trying to dispel the sudden rush of nerves.

"I know I hurt you..." he addresses his guilt first, admitting the truth, "I chose you over deals, over clients, over relationships but I kept you at arms length because I was afraid to lose you and that wasn't fair. I was being arrogant and selfish and I should never have put you in that position." He stops stealing a second to compose himself. He wants, _needs_ , to get this right and bites the inside of his cheek exhaling slowly. "I'm not trying to make excuses here. I know I fucked up but I _never_ wanted to hurt you. I just couldn't see it."

He falls silent again and she tenses, emotion threatening to claw its way out but she quickly forces it back down. "You wouldn't let yourself see it Harvey, there's a difference."

He wears the allegation because she's right. He didn't want to face it because that would have meant taking a risk and back then he hadn't been ready. Now he is and the honesty is raw as it spills from his lips. "I know and I was an idiot because it cost me a lot more than just losing a secretary."

She isn't sure what to take from the comment and plants her hands on her hips. "If you're expecting me to apologise for going to work for Louis..."

"No, _god_ that's not what _I-_ " he stops suddenly, shaking his head to align the right words. He doesn't want there to be any misunderstandings between them and swallows trying to steer them back on the right track. "I'm not expecting anything from you and I mean it. If you need time and space I can accept that." It's the hardest part to admit to because he wants to fix things between them but Mike was right he can't rush this. "I'll wait even if it takes another fourteen years because I want you in my life so whatever you need Donna, I'll do it."

The sincerity in his gaze burns through her and she can feel her heart start to pound faster in her chest. This is the first time he's voluntarily been willing to take a step back. In the past it's always been about getting her to give in to his needs and her voice wavers as she challenges him. "How long?"

"I told you-"

"Not that." She doesn't care how long he's willing to wait. What she wants to know is why he's suddenly prepared to let her call the shots, if it's possible she somehow missed his priorities shifting and if they did start to change, when _?_ "How long have you wanted more?"

The question is direct but that's the playing field they're standing on and he thinks back to when they were looking at gifts for Louis' baby shower. It hadn't been obvious to him at the time but that's when he'd started acknowledging his feelings even if he hadn't been able to admit them until weeks after. "You remember the rocking horse we got for Jackson?"

She nods hesitantly and he takes it as his cue to continue, swallowing roughly, "you went to ring it up and you were standing there with that blonde sales assistant... I should have been looking at her but I couldn't take my eyes off you. I think that's when I knew for sure."

The admission lands heavily between them and she wants to trust it wasn't just some random conclusion he came to the night they had sex but that afternoon in the toy store had been months ago and she can't believe there wouldn't have been signs. "Why didn't you didn't say anything?"

He can hear the doubt in her voice and it pulls through his chest but instead of getting defensive his shoulders sag in defeat. God knows he'd thought about it. Even Jessica had urged him to come clean but Thomas had already been in the picture by then so he'd kept quiet. He never thought making the sacrifice would come back to bite him like it is now. "How could I Donna? You were with somebody else, you were happy."

It takes her a full second to realise he's talking about Thomas and the guilt at having forgotten her ex lodges in her throat. Truth is she's barely thought about him all week and as much as she wants to justify it she can't. Since she and Harvey slept together that's all she's been able to focus on and she tears her gaze to a fixed point in the middle of the room.

Harvey tries to read her silence but can't. Whatever is going through her head is lost to him and he takes a deep breath exhaling slowly. "I was going to talk to you the night after Jackson was born." He doesn't know if admitting it will help but can't see a reason not to and fidgets awkwardly thumbing the inner seams of his pockets. "That's why I wasn't drinking."

She hears the note of regret in his voice and locks onto his gaze as the realisation floods her. This whole time she'd been assuming the sex at her apartment was a spontaneous act. A result of being drugged that night not the other way around and she pales suddenly scared of the ramifications. "You're serious."

A humorless laugh threatens to escape but he holds it in keeping his eyes fixed on her. "When have I ever apologised and not meant it?"

Never. Because she's only heard him concede to being wrong on a handful of rare occasions and by comparison this is the most vulnerable she's ever seen him. She doesn't know why it took her so long to see it but her pulse drives rapidly, beating until she starts to feel lightheaded.

He watches her take a step back and even in the dim light he can see her visibly pale his voice thick with concern. " _Donna_?"

She shakes off his worry leaning on one of the associate's desk and lifting her head up. "Say it."

He knows exactly what she's asking and rolls his head to the side blowing air into his cheeks, "do I have-"

"Say it."

He doesn't, not yet.

Instead he picks up the small bag that's been hiding in the shadows by his feet and watches her eyes draw to the gift. In three strides he closes the distance between them until he's standing near enough to see the fairy-lights reflecting in her pupils. He isn't sure how the gesture's going to be received but he hands it over breathing out slowly. "In case you decide you're ready one day."

Confusion twists in her features as she takes the bag digging through the layers of tissue paper until she brushes over something furry and she pulls it out immediately recognising the small bear. It's the same one she'd been holding in the toy store when he'd asked her about having kids one day and a knot forms in her throat.

"I love you Donna."

He finally says it. Not because she asked him too but because it's the truth and his voice is thick with emotion when she glances up. "I'm not expecting anything I mean that but if you think there's even the slightest chance we could make this work then I'll wait. As long as it takes."

A sharp sting blurs her vision and she hates that it's so obvious but she reaches up to swipe the moisture from her eyes. " _Jesus_ , you're such a jerk." She pushes his chest but there's no intent behind it. She just wants to lighten the pressure until she can breath again and the ghost of a smirk on his lips turns her insides. He's the one supposed to be feeling awkward and out of place, not her, and she's going to kill whoever else was involved in setting this up but not before she thanks them first. If it hadn't been for their friends support she's not sure she and Harvey would have ended up here and she composes herself placing the bear back in its bag. When she glances back up he's no longer smirking his lips pulled together tightly instead and she slides her hand down putting them both out of their misery. "Okay, Harvey."

The air drives from his lungs as she locks their fingers together and he tilts his head trying not to sound like an idiot. "Okay?"

She rolls her eyes. "Okay as in you should kiss me now."

His beams at the direction and doesn't care if it makes him look stupid. He doesn't care about anything except following through and tugs her firmly against his chest closing his mouth over hers and enjoying the slow languid sensation of finally getting everything they both want. For the first time in months -years even- he's not scared of change. Nothing has even felt more right and he pulls back lifting his hand to brush the side of her face with a teasing smile. "I know you're busy, _but_ -"

"Shut up." She doesn't let him finish dragging him back into another kiss and his answering grin stirs a warm sensation in her chest. She thought she could learn to love Thomas and maybe she would have but she's never trusted anything more than the way Harvey's arm wraps protectively around her waist pulling her closer.

As tempting as it would have been to make him wait, _this_ is better. They have the next fourteen years to fight over who gave in first.

* * *

 **AN: Thank you again for all the postie encouragement! The next chapter is going to take a little break from the angst (at least for the fist half ;P) but there will be fluff and lots of it :D**


	17. Chapter 17: Girl Like That

_I wake up quick just like I want to, yeah but I stay out much to late._

 **\- Matchbox 20**

* * *

Donna wakes up slowly, adjusting to the warmth ebbing from the body beside her and her lips edge into a smile. She can tell Harvey's awake, can feel his gaze burning her neck, and she flutters her eyes open rolling into the arm draped casually over her hip. He grins down, his untamed hair sticking out at all odd angles and she smirks lifting her fingers to sweep the five o'clock shadow grazing his jawline. She likes the rougher look on him, or maybe just that he trusts her enough to wear it, and she drops her hand wriggling further under the covers to keep warm. "Morning pretty."

"I thought we upgraded that to handsome?" His voice is still thick with sleep as he lazily trails his thumb down the length of her side. She shivers at the contact and he scoots closer sliding his palm round to settle at the small of her back.

"Maybe if you keep the stubble we can discuss it." She shifts her head on his pillow, one of several that got tossed around during their activities last night, and stretches against him working out the kinks in her aching muscles.

Her smooth legs make him twitch with anticipation but for the sake of his ego he manages to show restraint. " _Women,_ " he huffs, the tone light and playfully condescending, "we've been in this relationship five minutes and you're already trying to change me."

A laugh catches in her throat and her eyes gleam with amusement as she teases him back. "Relationship huh? Big word."

Under normal circumstances he'd be hesitant to label it so soon but he's had fourteen years to get used to the idea and he's quick to squash any doubts she might be having. "Miss Paulsen... would you do me the honor of officially being my girlfriend?"

She pretends to think about it but there's humor in gaze as her hands travel up and along the tight muscles of his chest. They constrict and release under the feather light touch and she grins meeting and locking with his expectant smirk. "Well, there are some good solid prospects to consider... how much is your salary worth again?" She lets out a girlish squeal as he flips her tickling the sensitive areas of her exposed skin and she gives in with a breathless laugh, "okay, okay... _stop_ , you win. _Yes_."

He ceases the advance, propping up onto his elbow as he takes in her flushed cheeks and mussed hair. The sight hits him squarely in the chest and the warmth spreads urging him to lean in and kiss her tenderly. She hums into his mouth, the sound reverberating through him until she suddenly breaks the contact smiling broadly. A chill creeps in as she starts to roll away and he reacts thrusting his arm out and pulling her back against him. "We still have an hour before we need to get up."

His breath is hot against her ear and she flushes letting out a content sigh. How he made it to named partner with his time keeping is anyone's guess but... oh that's right, he had her as a secretary for twelve years. "We have to be _in_ the office in an hour."

"You say tomato..." he presses his lips to the crook of her neck trying to sway her but she tenses at the contact and not in the way he's expecting. It urges him to stop and properly take her in, his brows furrowing at the far away look in her eyes. "Donna?"

She glances up at him and swallows shaking her head. "It's nothing."

He's not sure who she's trying to fool and a smirk tugs the corners of his mouth in response. "I know that look-" he slides his hand up brushing the hair from her face, "I know _every_ look, remember?"

Heat prickles along her skin at the insinuating tone and his scrutiny. This isn't some foray into the unknown. They know how to read each other and she breathes out slowly, acknowledging the thought romping around. "I was just thinking about everyone in the office."

'Slim pickings for a three-way, right?" He raises an eyebrow expecting the light smack she retaliates with but he aims for serious as he stretches his hand over her waist. "Do you want to tell people?"

The question sounds nonplussed and she searches his gaze curiously. "Do you think we should? He shrugs casually and she's surprised by the reaction, not sure if it's entirely genuinely or he's just playing it safe.

He can see the doubt whirring in her mind and gives her hip a light squeeze. He doesn't care what they do, whether they tell people or not, so long as he gets to go home with her every night and wake up next to her in the morning he'll be a happy man. "Donna, this is everything I want-" he glides his thumb over her skin reassuringly, "I don't give a damn who knows. I'll shout it from the roof if you want me to."

She relaxes at the honesty and glances up covering his hand with her own. "I think we should probably stay away from rooftops from a while don't you?"

He lets out a low chuck entwining their fingers. It's a fair point but regardless of how they announce it, whether or not they do is entirely her call. "However you want to play this is fine by me."

His answer takes the pressure off and she nods weighing up their options. On one hand she doesn't like the idea of lying but at the same time it seems smart to give it some time, prove nothing would change before making it official. She worked her ass off to make COO and it's not just her reputation on the line. "I think we should keep it low-key just for a little while." She watches his reaction carefully just to make sure he's really okay with it and but the only thing that changes is the smirk that appears on his lips.

"That mean we can't have sex in the file room?" She rolls her eyes at the lewdness and he tugs her hand, " _library_?" The glare she shoots him is almost enough to break his composure but he manages to keep the grin from spilling across his mouth, "come on... I _know_ you want to do it on Robert's desk.

"You're an idiot."

She gives in to her amusement smiling at him and he releases her, wrapping his arm around her back and pulling her closer. "In that case we're just going to have to utilize our time outside the office more productively."

Her fingers curl over his biceps and she grins into his kiss deciding she can work with that as a compromise.

...

* * *

...

They make it into the office an hour late, worth it in Harvey's opinion, but the day quickly sours despite his good mood. From the moment he sits down he's inundated with calls from the press about H&B Carter, Barnaby Joice and the whole goddamn situation but he draws some comfort from the fact Drake is now awake and according to his doctors going to make a full recovery. The news is what stirred the Media's interest again and although it's been additional work he's relived for Henry's sake. All the man needs now is for his ex-business partner to be apprehended but the police assured him this afternoon they're tracking Joice through Mexico which is only a small comfort but a reprieve no less.

With a sigh he leans back in his chair watching the lights of the city scatter on in the streets below. It feels like a lifetime ago he was waking up to a warm body pressed against him in bed and he'd give anything to be back the there. Hell he'd take just seeing a flash of Donna's red hair but she's been just as swamped today and he settles over his laptop rolling his shoulders to work out the kinks.

He manages to get another full hour of emails done before the desire to see her rears again and, as if answering his thoughts, she appears in his doorway clearly warn out but smiling. He instantly returns the gesture thinking back to several of the reasons (one in particular) that kept them awake most of the night.

"Wipe that smirk off your face," she admonishes with a playful tone, "otherwise people will guess before we get a chance to tell them."

"Tell them what?" He teases innocently, stretching away from his laptop, "that you're out of strawberries and whipped cream?"

She rolls her eyes sliding into the chair opposite him. "You're incorrigible."

"And you're too damn sexy." His gaze gleams with appreciation as her cheeks turn pink and his lips curve in amusement. Donna Paulsen doesn't blush for anyone and it spurs a territorial pull in his chest. Part of him almost wants to shout their relationship from the rooftop, let the word know she's taken, but he keeps the thought to himself out of respect more than anything. They'll start telling people when they're both ready and he can wait but there is one thing that's been circling and it encourages him to wear a slightly more serious expression. "Hey, listen... there's something I wanted to ask you." He sits up straighter sounding uncharacteristically nervous, "I know you want to keep things between us for now and that's perfectly fine, _but_ -"

"Harvey." She stops him with a curious but teasing smile, "if this is a proposal I think it's a little soon, don't you?"

He throws her a look arching his eyebrow. "You honestly think this is where I'd choose to propose?"

Amusement catches in her throat but she swallows it just in case he thinks she's joking. "It had better not be-" she insists glancing around the room, "cause if I step in here and there are fairy lights strung up you can better believe i'm walking straight back out."

He blows a sigh into his cheeks huffing at the reference. He's never going to live the gesture down despite Mike practically forcing him to do it and he leans on the arm of his chair tilting his head expectantly. "Finished?" She holds her hands up in mock defense and he pulls at the edge of his tie readjusting the knot. "I was thinking and I know its short notice... but i'm flying out to Boston for Christmas and if you wanted, if your parents would be okay with it, maybe you could come with me?"

She's genuinely surprised by the offer and stares at him, her mouth parting slightly as she tries to get her head around what he's suggesting. "You want me to meet your mother?"

He nods and lets go of his tie, a hint of amusement filling his gaze. "Well she would be there. It might get a little awkward if I didn't introduce you."

The sarcasm doesn't quite filter through her thoughts as she glances at him from beneath her lashes. Given everything he's been through with his family it feels like a big step and she wants to make certain he's sure before she considers it. "I wouldn't be imposing?"

He looks at her slightly dumbfounded. They're not just colleagues any more. Truthfully they haven't been for years and he wants her in his life completely which is something that's long overdue. "Your my girlfriend now, not my secretary remember?"

The flippancy doesn't distract from the warmth in his expression but she's careful not to skirt around the issue. Holiday gatherings are still a tentative time for him and as much as she knows he means well, he has a habit of subconsciously looking for ways to avoid engaging them and she rephrases the question to be more poignant. "A distraction then?"

He smirks raking his eyes over her. "Oh you'd _definitely_ be a distraction."

A flush warms her cheeks but she doesn't give into the embarrassment. "Harvey i'm being serious." She wants to say more but doesn't, pursing her lips together and watching him nod slowly in acknowledgement.

He isn't sure how he missed it but the doubt in her expression is clearer now and he keeps his tone light addressing her concern. "You remember when Katie wanted to file for custody of the kids?"

She does. He'd been to see Marcus shortly before Louis announced Sheila was pregnant. While there he'd admitted it had taken a piece of him and she nods letting him continue.

"I waited until I had it under control before I called you but the whole time I was there all I could think about was hearing your voice." It hadn't been about wanting her help or advice even though he would have appreciated both. It was because he'd known the second he spoke to her he'd instantly feel a sense of comfort and a soft smile turns the edges of his mouth. "i'm not looking for a scapegoat Donna. I just want to be with you, that's all."

She's touched by the genuine sentiment and lifts her lips in response. Her dad might take some convincing but her mother will be over the moon she's seeing someone and she nods accepting his offer. "I'd love to go with you."

A feeling of exhilaration stirs in his chest and he tries to keep the relief from spilling out as he holds her gaze. "Good." He lets the moment wash over him steering the conversation before he gets swept up in it. "Now that's sorted i'm guessing you're not here because you changed your mind about Robert's desk?"

She marvels at his ability to go from serious to offhanded in such a short stretch but he's right. Although the their talk took a pleasant detour she actually came in to discuss work and throws him an apologetic smile. "The Ducati case, I need your sign off before I can submit the paper-work."

"You've emailed it to me?" He doesn't know why he's asking. No doubt she sent it hours, if not weeks ago, and her nod confirms he has all the information he needs. "Consider it done, anything else?"

"I need to go go home and grab a few things." She crosses her legs watching his eyes follow the movement and smirks when his head lifts up. She can almost hear the despondent sigh working it's way out and for once she's in tune with his frustrations. With Louis working part time they've both had to pick up the slack but that doesn't stop her leaning back and subtly tempting him to leave on time. "Think you'll be much longer?"

He doesn't know how -he must have the control of a saint- but he manages to keep his gaze from returning to her exposed skin. Tormenting himself won't get the work done any faster and he goes back to his laptop clearing his throat and using the influx of emails as a distraction. "Another hour give or take." He catches her small pout out of his peripheral and offers a compromise in return. "I can grab us some dinner after, Thai?"

She raises an eyebrow. "My Thai?"

"You mean that shitty restaurant on 8th Avenue..." he gleams with a smirk, " _sure_."

She resists the urge to point out that every time they order from there he always finishes first. The only reason he doesn't like it is because he considers it street food not 'diner' food but she trades the quip for a smile, pushing up from her chair. "I'll meet you back at yours in a couple of hours?

He nods and watches her strut to the door but calls her back just shy of the threshold. "You'd better be bringing a suitcase with you."

She turns and amusement flitters across her expression as she challenges the comment. "Does that mean i'm getting half of your closet space?"

 _Hell no._ He glances up over the laptop screen but despite the initial reservation considers an alternative. They both know his suits are worth more than most people pay for their cars but there has to be a compromise somewhere. "I'll get you your own built-in installed how does that sound?"

He looks almost serious and she can't quite tell if it's a joke but she doesn't take the bait. "Expensive."

"I'd consider it a solid investment." He means it and softens his gaze at the coy smile on her lips watching it disappears when she sashays out. He'll pay for twenty if that's what it takes to get her to stay over more and he casually minimizes his emails bringing up a search bar. Maybe it's getting ahead of himself but he figures there's no harm in taking a short break to entertain the idea and he spends the next twenty minutes researching furniture websites.

...

* * *

...

After what feels like the longest forty-five minutes of her life Donna pads wearily down the hall of her apartment building smiling at the Christmas decorations lighting the way to her door. The last twenty-four hours have been a whirlwind and she's happy -ecstatic almost- but also looking forward to decompressing with a glass of wine and she jams her key in the lock jerking it up and pushing on the wood paneling.

Darkness floods her vision and she feels for the light switch, muffling a cry when a hand suddenly clamps over her mouth. She stills going ridged with fear as a metal barrel presses into the side of her temple.

"Make any sort of noise and I won't hesitate."

An involuntary whimper escapes but she forces it back, nodding against her assailant, and when the pressure lifts she stumbles forward blinking as the lights come in. In front of her are the cold psychotic eyes of Barnaby Joice and shock coils in her stomach as the door swings closed.

He watches the panic flare in her gaze and it fuels the insatiable need for control firing through his veins. A few anonymous tips and a bogas credit card trail had everyone including the authorities fooled.

"You should really get that lock fixed," he quips, raking his gaze over her body. She's an beautiful women and it isn't any wonder Harvey's besotted with her. It's just a shame the part she has to play is going to end rather unfavorably but he doesn't dwell motioning his gun toward the dining arrangement in the corner. "Move, _now_."

Her legs wobble unsteadily as she follows the instruction and air drives painfully in and out of her lungs making her almost relieved to sit down. He's clearly unhinged but he wouldn't have shown up just to kill her. There has to be some other sort of misguided plan and she tries to stay calm as she places her keys and purse on the table beside her. "What do you want Barnaby?"

"How about my _life_ back?"

She flinches as his eyes flash with fury and moisture burns behind her gaze but she blinks it back in order to formulate a response. She's taken self-defense classes but her instructor said unless an opportunity presents itself words are the best weapon, information is power and she's Donna. Talking is what she does best. "Henry won't give you H&B and Carter... Harvey can't help you with that."

"You think I want his help?" Barnaby spits angrily narrowing his gaze at the suggestion. He isn't here to make nice and do deals. It's too late for that. He's here to make Harvey pay for unraveling fifteen years of blood, sweat and tears. "Take out your phone."

She does, her hand shaking nervously as she lays it flat on the table.

"I want you to get him here. I don't care how you do it but if he suspects _anything..._ " he waves the gun threateningly but still verbalizes his intention to make sure she gets the point, "I want him to watch but that's not a requirement."

A wave of nausea rams her hard as the walls start to close in on her plan to negotiate a way out. Clearly the only thing Joice cares about is revenge and she considers Harvey as her gaze locks onto the phone, the blank screen creating an anchor of dread in her stomach. If he comes round he'll do whatever it takes to protect her and she can't put him in danger like that. She won't. "No."

It's all she's able to force out and when he storms towards her, gun in hand, she screws her eyes shut feeling the metal dig into her shoulder.

"I can make it quick or painful-" he bites out removing the safety with a click, "which would you prefer?"

A sob claws at her throat but she locks her jaw defiantly, opening hers eyes and trying to think rationally. There isn't any doubt in her mind Joice will pull the trigger and her fingers tremble as they move to the table. It's risky as hell but if she can get a message through to Harvey it might buy her enough time to come up with another plan.

"Good girl." Barnaby watches her pick up the phone with a smirk, "put it on speaker."

She steals a second to compose herself thumbing through her contacts even though he's number one on her speed dial. She's an actress, she can do this. It's about playing the man not the odds and she dials Harvey's number exhaling slowly when he answers.

[ _Hey... missing me already?_ ]

She glances at Barnaby trying to keep her voice steady. "You wish."

[ _What's up?_ ]

Her heart drums loudly in her ears but just hearing him speak takes the edge off and she bites the inside of her cheek trying to pass off a lie. "I'm home but the lock on my door is jammed. I don't think I can get it open again."

[ _Donna, I told you to get that damn thing fixed weeks ago._ ]

He sighs into the phone and she wants to burst into tears but manages to keep it together. He's right. If she'd just listened to him she might have realised something was wrong sooner but she pushes the guilt down trying to stay focused. "Do you think you'll be much longer? I could really use your help."

He doesn't answer immediately and she holds her breath waiting for a response.

[ _I was just leaving_ ]

There's another pause and she knows he's distracted by something on the other end but he comes back quickly and she doesn't know whether to feel relieved or terrified.

[ _I'll come round. Did you still want me to grab Thai or..._ ]

Barnaby shake's his head and she swallows roughly into the phone, "no it's okay, we can order something from yours."

[ _Okay._ ]

She can hear a rustle of papers and after fourteen years working together knows he's only half-listing. It's what she's counting on and she hones her acting skills keeping her expression calm as if she were rehearsing a scene. "Harvey, don't forget to sign off on the Loderman case. It's important."

[ _yep. See you-_ ]

Barnaby hangs up and she risks glancing at him, relief coursing through her when he seems indifferent to the subtle hint she'd dropped. All Harvey has to do is realise she said Loderman not Ducati and he should be able to figure the rest out. She closes her eyes trusting he will, that they really do know how the other thinks, because if she's wrong it's going to put more than just their relationship on the line.


	18. Chapter 18: Disease

_I got a disease, deep inside me... makes me feel uneasy baby._  
 _I can't live without you, tell me what I am supposed to do about it?_

 **\- Matchbox 20, Disease**

* * *

Harvey closes his laptop about to leave when his suit pocket suddenly vibrates and he takes out the phone smiling at Donna's name on the caller ID. She's only been gone an hour and he swipes across the screen with his thumb, bending down to pick up his computer case. "Hey... missing me already?"

[ _You wish._ ]

He smirks at the response shrugging the cell between his ear and shoulder so he can jimmy the laptop into its bag. "What's up?"

[ _I'm home but the lock on my door is jammed. I don't think I can get it open agai_ n.]

The zipper is half-way round when he stops, a sigh working from his mouth. "Donna, I told you to get that damn thing fixed weeks ago."

[ _Do you think you'll be much longer? I could really use your help._ ]

"I was just leaving." He finishes closing the bag slapping the velcro strap in place but a folder open on his desk draws his attention. He'd completely forgotten to go over the highlighted sections before tomorrow morning and winces reaching to pick up the file with a distracted shrug. "I'll come round. Did you still want me to grab Thai or..."

[ _No it's okay, we can order something from yours._ ]

"Okay." He nods only half paying attention as he skims through the document in his hands. The meeting he needs it for isn't until nine. If he gets up at six he can still go for a run and be in the office with enough time to make any necessary alterations.

[Harvey, don't forget to sign off on the Loderman case. It's important]

"Yep..." he mutters into the phone, "see you-"

She hangs up before he finishes and his attention shifts from the highlighted paragraphs to the blank screen of his phone. She'd said something about Loderman and he racks his brain trying to remember where he knows the name from. It isn't a client case. All she asked him to do was sign off on Ducati and a sense of unease rolls through him; Donna doesn't make mistakes.

The notion hovers and he googles Loderman scrolling down the results until he recognizes an article from when they were still working together in the DA's office. Curiosity drives him to click it open and the details come flooding back stirring a flutter of panic. Johnny Loderman had been arrested for embezzlement and had tried to exact revenge on members of the court. The opposing council had been drugged (aka Barnaby Joice's motivation) and the judge had been taken hostage in his own home before Loderman was finally caught and detained.

Assuming the worst is a stretch but the slip up is far too random for to be a coincidence and he goes back to what he does know; Donna doesn't make mistakes. It rings through his head again, his pulse drumming faster as he thinks back to their brief conversation. She asked for his help but he'd been going on about her lock for weeks now and she'd _never_ give him such an easy opportunity to gloat. She'd god damn climb down the fire escape first and fear tightens in his chest.

His first instinct to call her back but he holds off, dialing the police instead.

If he's wrong he'll wear the embarrassment but his gut is adamant and he grips the phone tightly, waiting to be put through to Sargent Grace Keaton the detective in charge of the case. She's quick to assure him they have no reason to believe Barnaby Joice is in the country and her skepticism almost makes him doubt the hunch but he doesn't let it go. He has connections in the force, friends all over the place, and the weight of his reputation works in his favor. Keaton agrees to check the traffic camera's near Donna's apartment block and he hangs up pacing back and forth in the small confines of his office. It feels like an eternity he's left waiting until she finally returns the call, her hardened voice confirming his fear, and a black haze seeps across his vision as she details Joice entering the apartment block and Donna arriving an hour later; neither have left since.

She tells him to stay put, let the police do their job, and he manages to compose himself enough to tell her he doesn't give a fuck about protocol. That it's his girlfriend being held hostage and if they won't involve him they can go to hell; he'd beat them to her apartment anyway. It's not an idle threat but he's surprised when the sergeant tells him the briefing is in twenty minutes and to haul ass down to the station.

He get's there in fifteen.

...

* * *

...

It takes one hour, thirteen minutes and forty-seven seconds since the time Donna called until Harvey's positioned outside her door going through the negation crash course he received. His job is to give the police eyes on the inside, get the curtain open if he can, and don't do anything to draw fire. _Bullshit_. His only responsibility is getting Donna out of harms way and he smooths down the wireless listening device under his shirt knocking with a sharp inhale.

She calls out a moment later, telling him it's open, and he's never been more relieved to hear the sound of her voice.

 _Showtime_.

"I thought you said the lock was-" he stops midday through the act, the hesitation real as a gun thrusts toward him.

"Close it, _quickly_." Barnaby instructs watching the lawyer do as he's told. It feels good, powerful, and he trains the weapon back on the redhead sitting beside him. "You know it's incredibly rude to keep a lady waiting."

Harvey's gaze snaps to Donna his eyes running over her to make she isn't hurt. There's no visible injuries he can see but her pale face and tightly pulled lips indicate she's scared and anger rushes over his concern. He has no idea what she's been through, what Joice did or said, but the stubborn determination set in her jaw makes him tear away to confront the gunman. The police warned him not to make demands but primal instinct takes over hardening his glare. "She leaves _now_ , this has nothing to do with her."

"Maybe not directly." Barnaby admits flicking the safety off his weapon and jamming it into her shoulder. "Problem is killing you would be over in a few minutes and you owe me fifteen years worth of suffering so I found a way to compromise."

"You son of a bitch." He starts forward without thinking and Barnaby retaliates grabbing Donna roughly by the arm and pulling her out of the chair. He freezes immediately anxiety slamming through him as Joice uses her to shield his body.

 _Shit_.

He just blew any chance of getting to the window and put her in more danger. He needs to be smarter, negotiate not threaten, and he exhales sharply. "You want to hurt me, there are ways to do that which don't involve going to prison..." he tries to reason, "Drake is going to make a full recovery. Any lawyer with half a degree could get the charges against you reduced so you don't serve time."

"Like your boy Mike Ross-" Barnaby fires back his eyes wild with accusation, "that's right, we all heard how the great 'god' Harvey Specter let someone who wasn't even practicing represent his clients. You think you're better than me but you don't give a shit about the law, all you care about is winning."

Donna winces as his nails bite into her arm but she keeps still terrified any reaction will tip Harvey's composure. She knows he figured it out before coming over. To anyone else his impassive features would be impossible to read but the restraint is what tipped her off. What she can't tell is why he's here, if sheer stupidity drove his impulses or if he has a plan. She hopes to god it's the latter and breathes in slowly, readying herself for any distraction or opportunity to fight back.

"You want to see me lose, I'll turn myself in. Coerced or not there's enough evidence to have me disbarred." Harvey challenges him, the surrender going against everything his reputation is built on. It doesn't leave an out. He has too many enemies who would make sure it destroyed his career (despite the circumstances) but his hand lifts to his pocket regardless. "I'll call a judge right now-"

"Don't move!"

The gun trains on him and his fingers stall along the inner edge of his suit jacket. It's what he wants, the attention on him not Donna, but Barnaby sees straight through it and grabs her more tightly readjusting his aim toward her chest. Panic drives Harvey's reaction and he quickly withdraws his hand flattening his palms in defense.

A twisted laugh coils in Barnaby's throat at the easy manipulation. "You don't care half as much about your career as you think you do." His tone turns sour as he admonishes the fact, "not like I cared about H&B Carter. I would have given _anything_ to make that my own."

He'd worked tirelessly for years and for what? To have it all taken away because some pompous lawyer couldn't mind his own god damn business. He was so close and sneers at the man pulling Donna back, "she's the only thing worth taking away from you!" They hit the edge of the display shelf causing a lamp to smash on the floor and Donna chokes out a sob as the gun jams into her temple.

The sound tears through Harvey and white hot fury sparks every nerve ending in his body. The emotion is all he has left to negotiate with and his voice takes on a dangerous edge making sure Barnaby fucking knows it. "You're right I don't give a _shit_ what the law says. If you hurt her I will kill you."

The hatred blazing in his eyes makes Donna tense and goosebumps wash over skin as Barnaby's breath blows hotly against her neck. It isn't an idle threat. The anger radiating from Harvey is uncontrolled mixing with clear desperation and she's terrified it's going to make him do something stupid. " _Harvey_ -"

Barnaby's hand clamps over her mouth preventing the plea from slipping out and she watches reckless abandonment snap in Harvey's gaze. She wants to scream at him not to act on it, that it's going to get him killed, but all she can do is muffle the protest as she tries to pull away.

Rage blinds Harvey to everything except the rough manhandling and every possessive urge running through him demands he make it stop. He once told Mike to consider all the options when a gun is being pointed and figuratively or literally doesn't make a damn bit of difference. People react to being threatened, even when they're holding the weapon, and he charges forward watching it jerk toward his chest in retaliation.

Donna feels Barnaby's grip loosen and takes the opportunity shoving his arm as hard as she can and flinging her head back to connect with his jaw. It makes a sickening crack and instinct drives her to roll his body over her shoulder just like her self-defense instructor taught her. It works and he drops with a heavy grunt but the gun doesn't dislodge from his grip and she stares down the barrel rooted in place when he squeezes the trigger.

The shot rings out and a force barrels into her side knocking her to the ground. She lands hard with with Harvey's weight pressing on top of her and barely registers a loud commotion and shouting bursting through the apartment. All she can hear is a pained wheeze coming from above her and she rolls out from underneath him, fear lodging in her throat as she frantically searches for the source of his panic. There's a bullet hole but no blood and her hands fly to his stomach coming into contact with a stiff padding beneath her fingertips.

Harvey flinches, winded from the impact and the intense pain radiating through his abdomen _._ If this is what _not_ getting shot feels like he can only image it without the vest on and he gasps in a vain attempt to take in air, catching a flash of Grace Keaton suddenly helping to remove the constriction. As soon as it lifts his lungs burn in relief and he sits up coughing through a rush of dizziness. "Could've... warned me-" he chokes out, hand massaging his chest to help regulate his breathing.

"You'll be fine, just take a minute." Grace coaches him placing a light pressure on his shoulder, "and I _did_ warn you. I said don't get shot." She's going to have her ass handed to her for breaking just about every rule in the book but figures the outcome was worth the risk. Besides, she has one of the best lawyers in NYC to represent her free of charge. "Mr. Joice is being taken into protective custody and there are paramedics downstairs waiting to check you both out." She directs her gaze up to the redhead with a gentle expression. "Miss Paulsen, aside from the obvious, are you okay?"

Donna shakes her head fighting back a rush of emotions. It feels like her heart is about to explode through her chest and she wants to scream at the women for letting Harvey put himself in danger but the anger doesn't reach passed the panic still knotted in her throat. She can't keep from staring the vest, the mangled bullet still wedged in the Kevlar, and she startles when Harvey suddenly pulls it from her sight sliding it across to the sergeant.

"Could you give us a minute?" He asks Keaton, gratitude reflecting in his gaze when she takes the object giving a slight nod. He doesn't register her leaving, too focused on Donna, but before he can voice his concern she slaps him hard across the face.

"Jesus _Christ_ , Donna!" He rubs the painful sting eyes blazing with confusion but the moisture she's holding back wanes his reaction. She wasn't the only one scared shitless and he lets go of the annoyance sweeping her up into his arms. She instantly engages the contact wrapping her hands fiercely around his neck and he squeezes her tightly feeling the wetness against his bare skin. The bruise on his abdomen burns in protest but he ignores the discomfort grasping her hair and breathing in the comfort. If it weren't for the authorities still milling around he would keep them like that for longer, maybe even hours, but he reluctantly draws back bracing his hands over her shoulders.

"I'm sorry." She shakes her head wiping her eyes. "I shouldn't have called, I shouldn't have put you in danger like that _I_ -"

" _Hey_ , stop it..." he orders gently, "look at me."

She does, her expression filling with regret and his gaze turns serious. "You did the right thing."

"You got _shot_ Harvey." She throws back unable to keep from going over in her mind. What if he hadn't figured it out or called the police, what if the bullet had missed the vest? It was pure luck he hadn't gotten himself killed and she can't shake the overwhelming guilt.

He watches her pale and his own regret rushes to the surface, his hand lifting to brush the stray tears from her cheek. "You got dragged into this _because_ of me. None of it was your fault and I don't ever want to hear you say that." Twice now Barnaby has used his feelings against him but he refuses to see it as weakness. There was a time he would have but tonight showed they're stronger together and he hooks his thumb under the line of her with a soft sigh. "If anything had happened to you I _never_ would have forgiven myself. You know that."

She does and tries to swallow the lump resting in her throat. She saw what Mike going to prison did to him, even the guilt he felt after she was drugged. He wouldn't have ever gotten over it and the notion winds in her chest as she grabs his shirt helping him slide into it. Up until now he's been the one making all the gestures; saying he loved her, that he wants a future together, and her fingers catch on the small tear of fabric. She's been afraid to tell him she wants the same things but being forced to imagine a life without out him is more terrifying than the idea of admitting how she feels. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." She glances up, her voice shaky as it lands between them, "I couldn't... I _can't-_ "

She stops under the weight of the words and empathy twitches in his chest. He knows what she's trying to say and pushes the hair back from her shoulder with a gentle squeeze. "You didn't lose me. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."

She nods and when he leans in closes her eyes tasting the saltiness on his lips. She doesn't want to wait anymore. She wants every moment to count even if that means telling people and when he breaks the kiss she rests her head against the reassuring heartbeat thudding in his chest.

No more holding back.

This is where their next chapter starts.

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 **AN: I only have the epilogue left and that makes me sad lol so I'm thinking a sequel of some sort?**


	19. Chapter 19: Epilogue

_Shouldn't be so complicated. Just hold me and then just hold me again._

 **\- Matchbox 20, Bent**

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Harvey stalls on his way through to the kitchen, chest expanding as his gaze falls on Donna mid-laugh helping Marcus with the washing up. The house has been at full capacity throughout the day with his family, Bobby, Katie and the kids all exchanging gifts and enjoying a relatively drama free Christmas. There were a few hiccups but nothing major and he knows that's largely in part due to Donna's presence. She seamlessly eased her way in working her charm around any budding conflicts and had no trouble winning over his family. He knew she would. She's has an extraordinary way with people and he steals a moment to simply watch her; the light smile on his face answering his mother's quiet approach.

"She's the someone special isn't she?" Lily asks, her voice soft as she stands next to her son. She liked his last girlfriend. The women was professional and polite but Harvey wasn't in love, not like he is now. It's been written clearly across his face since they arrived and he might not be good at verbalizing it but his tipped nod confirms her suspicions. "Gordon said there was someone, he only met her a couple of times but he thought it might happen one day when you were ready. I know he'd be incredibly proud of you."

He tenses slightly at the mention of his late father. It's still a difficult topic for him and the man had never uttered a single word about Donna but he holds onto the notion that maybe somehow his father had known. "Thank you." He says simply, unwinding the sleeves of his rolled up navy sweater. Marcus and Donna are both wearing something flamboyant and he tries to hone in on the holiday spirit as he gives his mother's arm a quick squeeze. "Merry Christmas mom."

She smiles, glancing up over his shoulder and calling out to the other occupants standing in the kitchen. "Night you two, don't be up too late."

"Night Mom."

"Night Lily, merry Christmas."

Harvey watches her leave and steps up to Donna, running his hands down to her sud covered elbows and placing a kiss against her temple. "Need a hand?"

"That'd be right, come in when we're almost finished." Marcus slaps out his tea-towel smirking at the disinterred glare Harvey shoots back. It's been years since he's seen the uptight lawyer so relaxed and he's spent every minute of the day milking it, reminded of a time his brother wasn't such a hardass.

"Someone had to deal with your rugrats." Harvey throws out, thoroughly exhausted from the last hour he spent trying to get his niece and nephew into bed. It was only when Katie intervened that they finally started to settle and he found himself reading the Gruffalo for the eighth time this trip.

"What can I say-" Marcus picks up a plate, drying it with a grin, "you clearly do the best field mouse impression in this house."

Donna smirks beside him and Harvey dips his hand in the sink flicking bubbles up onto her nose.

" _Hey!_ " She wipes the wetness against his sleeve with a huff, "I'd think very carefully about your next move Specter."

He smiles smugly, raising his arms in mock surrender with a quick glance back to Marcus. "Katie said to remind you she'll be here around nine in the morning." The kids were going to her parents for the day and he raises a curious eyebrow. "Are you going to see George and Carol?"

Marcus winces but part of rebuilding his marriage means mending fences with his in-laws and he gives a sharp nod. "I must be a sucker for punishment."

Harvey's glad to hear the answer and leans in a little closer to Donna his voice filling with humor. "Why don't I pick out a movie, something to match those _delightful_ jumpers."

The sarcasm is evident and she nudges him with her elbow. "Watch it or I'll replace all your cashmere's with nylon when we get home."

"This is why you're getting your own built-in..." he warns rolling his eyes, "so you leave my stuff alone."

"You release that's not a threat right?" She laughs, teasing him playfully. They haven't exactly talked about moving in together but he seems to actually want to go ahead with the idea and she smiles when he leans in placing a quick kiss against her temple.

"Hey, where's mine?" Marcus protests pointing to his cheek and wincing with amusement when he gets a mock slap instead. Donna shakes her head at the antics and when Harvey leaves the kitchen Marcus steps back up to the drying rack curving his lips. "You're good for him you know that."

She blushes taking a plate and dipping it in the warm water. "We're good for each other."

He watches the soft lines of her face, the easiness that seems to be radiating, and nudges her arm with a chuckle, " _nah_... let's be honest you could do better."

She slaps water at him and he smiles reaching for a glass. He'd always wondered about the odd relationship she'd had with his brother but never said anything. He and Harvey had a tentative one of their own but he'd figured out if he really needed Harvey, Donna was the person to call and he's glad they finally figured things out. "Seriously though... I don't think I've ever seen him this happy."

There's a whimsical note to the observation as she places the last plate on the side, pulling her hands from the suds. She knows it hasn't been easy for him the past year but things seem to be getting back on track and she pulls off the washing up gloves, giving his shoulder a light squeeze. "You'll get there with Katie."

"I really hope so. Thanks Donna." He reaches for the last item that needs drying, forcing a smile, "go on... better get in there before he puts on some political documentary."

"If it's another Kennedy's one I'm leaving him _here_ -" she winks, the grin still fixed to her face as she walks out to find Harvey crouched down with a copy of Die Hard. "That is _not_ a Christmas movie mister."

He turns, lips curving as he throws a protest over his shoulder, "it's set at Christmas, ergo Christmas movie."

She approaches, running her hands lightly over his navy sweater with a teasing smirk, "one more day and then you can go back to being Scrooge. How about Love Actually?"

He groans at the suggestion but she digs her fingers in a little tighter and he plasters on a false smile, trading the box in his hand for the one she's pointing at. " _Sure_ , that was going to be my second choice."

She stifles a chuckle brushing her lips over his hair, "you know this jumper isn't the only Christmassy thing I'm wearing." As expected he stiffens beneath her and she has to suppress an urge to laugh. "I'm just trying to get you in the holiday mood first."

The pressure on his shoulders eases and he glances up with a glint in his eye. "We don't need a movie for that..." his voice is husky, gaze roaming the ridiculous puffy snowman sitting across her chest or more accurately what he's picturing beneath the top. "We can upstairs right now _and_ -"

"Oooh, Love Actually. Good choice!" Marcus drops in the lounger lifting his beer with a wide grin, "might still be hope for you yet Grinch."

Harvey breathes out a groan and Donna removes her hand with a giggle, setting herself up on the two-seater. He watches the glow from the tree highlight her amusement as he puts in the DVD and pushes up throwing the remote at his brother in exchange for the beers he brought out. Harvey hands one to Donna making himself comfortable beside her and resting his fingertips lightly over her thigh. She leans her head on his shoulder, stiffening a yawn and despite her promise of getting him in the 'holiday mood' she's asleep in his lap about half an hour in.

Not that he minds. Taking the opportunity to listen to her soft, steady breathing when Marcus ventures into the kitchen. Being with her is the best gift he could have received this Christmas and he takes a few moments to appreciate how far they've come, glancing up when Marcus returns extending a beer. "Thanks... you remember to put the Turkey in the fridge?"

"I'm going to be having left overs for months." Marcus makes sits back down eyeing the pair on the couch. It's been a full-house with Lilly and Bobby plus the kids but it's been good, less tension in his family than there's been in years and entertaining has been a good distraction, "You guys are welcome to stay a couple of extra days, there's plenty of food."

It's a generous offer but Harvey shakes his head politely declining. "We need to get back to the city. Donna wants to drop in and see her parents for New Years."

He sounds less than impression and Marcus chuckles taking a drink. "Well look at you playing the doting boyfriend."

Harvey glares back absently running his hand though Donna's hair. He and her father haven't exactly seen eye to eye in the past and her mother, well, the last time he saw her was the god awful dinner party but he feels obliged to make the effort. This is it for him. If he has to suck it up and swallow his pride in order to win over her parents approval he will.

"I was kidding bro..." Marcus throws back, a more genuine smile touching his lips, "it's nice seeing you happy. Actually suits you."

Harvey snorts but accepts the compliment because in truth, he is happy. He didn't think he'd ever feel this complete with someone and he leans back letting his attention drift to where Collin Firth is giving an overly sappy proposal.

He doesn't bother suppressing the curve of his lips.

However he decides to ask Donna to marry him, he knows one thing; Mike is _definitely_ not going to be involved. Rachel on the other hand... he might just give her a call in the not so distant future.

 **✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧**

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 **AN: Thank you so much for all the reviews for this story! :D I think it might be the longest I've ever written. I have an idea in mind for a sequel but I'm still drafting so will work on some shorter pieces in the meantime. Counting down until Suits is back and hoping for #Darveycanon2019**

 **Happy New Year everyone! xxxxx**


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